


Warmth

by galvanator



Category: British Actor RPF, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: 'it's so fluffy I could die!', F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, I just needed to get it out there, Jealous Tom, Porn With Plot, Smut, a lot of smut because of who I am as a person, also smut, v fluffy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-17
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-02-03 13:20:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 50,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12749139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galvanator/pseuds/galvanator
Summary: Relationships are hard; relationships in Hollywood are harder. You never know how your actions affect those around you until the damage is done.-"Even when we’re together in different cities, your hotel room seems… warmer.” He said. I passed him a glass of rum and coke and made one for me as well. “Have you ever considered that it’s me that’s warmer, and not the actual place we’re in?” I asked facetiously, before taking a drink. “I have.” He said, smiling at me before he took a drink. I smiled back at him, but then looked down an furrowed my eyebrows, trying to cover how much that made my heart jump.





	1. Chapter 1: Just a Girl, Sitting on a Table

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi friends! So, I wrote a little thing about Tom Hiddleston. I recently saw Thor: Ragnarok and that awoke the inter Hiddles-trash that I truly am. I like to keep my intensive fandom love away from my normal blog, so that’s why I’m posting it on this account instead.
> 
> This story just kinda came to mind and I couldn’t get it out of my head until I wrote it down, so enjoy! Any feedback is appreciated.

The mechanical sound of the wheel’s being lowered alerted everyone on the plane that we were landing soon. I flipped over the newspaper I was reading, finishing the last paragraph on an article about space travel.

“Did you know that none of the crew from Apollo 11 had life insurance before going to space? They took pictures and singed them for their family incase something were to go wrong. If they sold the pictures they’d probably get more money than life insurance any ways.” I shrugged, talking to no one in particular; my stylist, Elaina, looked at me, quizzically.

“Everyone knows you have a bachelors, you don’t need to constantly throw out random bits of information to remind everyone.”

“I read an article!” I defended, throwing the paper at her. She picked it up from where it landed on her lap and set it on the side table. Elaina leaned closer to me and took a minute to see if anyone was listening. The plane cabin was private, so it was only my team and I on board. We were flying into Los Angles for a party later tonight; it was under the guise of honoring someone, but it was just a chance for the studios to show off all their people and get more attention.

“You know, you don’t have to go tonight if you don’t want to. Everyone would understand if you just wanted to stay home.” Elaina’s look was empathetic. I laughed a little.

“We flew all this way to go to the party; it wouldn’t make sense if I did go for at least a little while! Plus,” I added, “I’m not seven years old anymore. People say mean things about me; that’s the nature of this business. I can’t go crawling back into my shell every time someone isn’t as nice as they could be. I got a nice dress for tonight anyways.” I said, taking a sip of water from the glass beside me.

“It wasn’t like someone yelled something nasty at you; a whole op-ed came out detailing how terrible of a person they think you are!”  She said.

“It’s been nearly two months! The outpouring of support I got after it from my actual friends, made it easier. I got to move on.” I said.

“You do know about the other thing, right? That _You Know Who_ is going to be there?” Elaina said. I rolled my eyes at her.

“His name is Tom, not Lord Voldemort; you shouldn’t be afraid to say it.” I looked down at my phone, quickly scanning through emails, trying not to let Elaina see my face.

“It just pisses me off! In your time of need, he just abandons you! I mean, I know you weren’t dating or anything, but the two of you were so close! For a while it felt like you two were inseparable! And then he just goes off when things got too rough. Despicable.” She nearly spat.

“You can’t blame him for not wanting to be involved with drama right now. He’s dealt with too much of it; the guy deserves a break.” _And…That wasn’t even the reason he left_ I wanted to say, but Elaina’s hatred of Tom was already solidified, so there was really no point in making it worse. Elaina didn’t respond; she just looked at me with complete pity.

-

_Three Days Before the Article is Released_

 

“You clean up nicely” I commented to Tom as he walked over to me.

“I could say the same for you, but then again, you always look that good.” Cheeky little flirt he his. I smiled and turned my face, trying not to let him see the blush that crept up to my cheeks.

“Have you seen the birthday boy yet?” I ask, changing the subject. Tom shakes his head.

“No I got sucked into a conversation with Ken Branagh about his next project.”

“Shakespeare, I assume?” I asked looking up at him. He just winked and ordered a whiskey from the bartender. 

The club we were in was pretty packed, mostly with Hollywood elites and their teams. Everyone was there to celebrate Robert Downey Jr.’s birthday, however, the guest of honor had yet to arrive. That didn’t keep the merriment from stopping. Tom and I were seated at the bar towards the back, where there was a little more room to breath. I sipped on a vodka martini and Tom drank almost all of his whiskey in one gulp.

“Long day?” I questioned him.

“What’s wrong with loosing up a bit?” He retorted, faking offence.

“I’ve never actually seen you sloppy drunk; I’d imagine it would be _very_ entertaining.” I laughed gently at the idea of Tom being beside himself drunk; He’s so proper and put together that it didn’t really make sense.

“I’ve seen you sloppy drunk on quite a few occasions.” He grinned. I rolled my eyes at him.

“Twice! Only twice have you seen me drunk enough to even come close to being sloppy! Considering how long we’ve known each other, that’s pretty impressive.” I said.

“Six months, and you’ve only been sloppy drunk _three_ times, that I know about. If that’s impressive, then at what point in your life were you more of a party animal?” He questioned.

“You didn’t know me in college.” I winked at him. He laughed at me, and I couldn’t help but stare at his face. The way he looked in the low lighting of the bar somehow made him even more attractive than regular. Or maybe it was how close he was sitting to me, so much so that our knees were practically stuck together and his arm was behind me resting on the bar. I tried not to how excited our close proximity made me, but my eyes lingered on his a little too long. I snapped out of my daze just in time to see RDJ walking over towards us.

“Look! It’s the second most beautiful person in the world… and Tom.” Robert said to us. I laughed and stood up to hug him.

“Happy Birthday to _the_ most beautiful person in the world!” I said wrapping my arms around him.

“Thanks sweet cheeks. Thomas!” He said, moving to embrace Tom. “This old dude giving ya trouble over here?” Robert asked me.

“A little,” I said while retaking my seat, “he says he’s seen me drunk more times than I’ve allowed him to see me drunk.”

“Oh, you’re hilarious.” Tom said sarcastically.

“Well tonight seems as good as any to even up the score, so why don’t we all take a few shots to get the night going, huh?” Robert said excitedly. I grimaced, giving Tom a warning glance.

“I think that’s a fantastic idea, Robert. Bartender, six shots please!” Tom ordered. All I could do was laugh at the two ridiculous men I’d chosen to spend my night with.

 

Nearly four hours later, many drinks, and far too many embarrassing moments on the dance floor, Tom and I got into a cab to head home.  He lived just around the corner from me, so we split a cab most times we went out; unless he drove me in his jaguar.

“I didn’t!” I declared too loudly, making the driver look back at me in the rearview mirror. “Why would I request a song I hate?” I asked Tom, who was laughing at me.

“Because you know I hate it too! It was retaliation for that third shot!” He said. I groaned and slapped his arm.

“I’m not _that_ petty. How do I know you didn’t request it, just because you knew I hate it, huh?”

“Because darling,” He leaned in so close that the tuft of my bangs were almost brushing his face, “I’m chivalrous. I would _never_ intentionally make a lady that uncomfortable.” Thank God for the drinks, or else I wouldn’t have an excuse as to why my face was so red.

“How come I don’t believe you Hiddleston?” I said, keeping my eyes starting straight in his, so they wouldn’t linger down to his (very kissable) lips.

The driver cleared his throat; “We’re here.” I immediately pulled back, laughing a little, and looking through my purse for a tip. Tom was quicker and handed him some cash before opening the door for us. He held out his hand for me to hold onto as I descended from the car, and I let my fingers hold onto his longer than necessary before pulling away.

“Nightcap?” I asked.

“[Y/N], we just got back from a bar!” He said. I looked away and gently laughed, trying to hide my embarrassment of rejection. I couldn’t help it that I didn’t want the night to end.

“I’d love to.” Tom said, surprising me. I gently hit his chest with my clutch before heading up to the front door.

I wasn’t entirely drunk, but I wasn’t entirely sober. The drinks came early enough in the night for both Tom and I to be coming down from our buzz. I fumbled around in my clutch for my keys while Tom leaned against my doorframe, looking god-like.

“Having trouble?” He mocked. Almost immediately after he said that, I finally managed to pull out my keys and give Tom a smirk. He rolled his eyes at me while following me inside. He walked into the kitchen with me and sat at the bar while I looked in my cabinets for two glasses.

“Your place is so cozy. I like it here.” He said, looking around. He’s been inside my place many times before, but says the same thing each time he’s here.

“If you spent more time in your house, I bet it would feel cozier. You’re gone too much, Tom.” I said, trying not to let my voice get too sad. He was always working. A few days in L.A. or New York, meeting with studios, different read through; Tom was usually only in London a few hours at a time. I was lucky enough that when he was in town, he spent most of that time with me.

“No, that’s not it. I think it’s a woman’s touch. Even when we’re together in different cities, your hotel room seems… warmer.” He said. I passed him a glass of rum and coke and made one for me as well.

“Have you ever considered that it’s me that’s warmer, and not the actual place we’re in?” I asked facetiously, before taking a drink.

“I have.” He said, smiling at me before he took a drink. I smiled back at him, but then looked down and furrowed my eyebrows, trying to cover how much that made my heart jump.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, genuine concern in his voice. I looked up replacing my look of distain with neutrality.

“Nothing… it’s just too quiet. Want to put on a movie?” I asked, but before he could respond, I started towards the living room. I heard him quickly get up after me. I couldn’t face him just yet; I’d let my guard down for a second too long and he saw. I walked into the living room, Tom following me closely. I went over to the small side table where I usually keep the remote, but it wasn’t there. I turn around to look for it, but I almost slam face first into Tom. He was standing right behind me, so close that I had to put my hands to his chest to steady myself from bumping into him.

“Tom… are you… is everything alright? “ I ask, so quietly that I barely hear myself. His hand reaches up to trace my jaw and brushes some hair behind my shoulder. My heart was pounding too hard in my chest, but my breathing was getting slower.

“Of course you’re the reason I like your place better than mine.” He whispers. Our faces are getting closer to one another, and with his free hand he grabs mine and laces our fingers together. Instinctively, my other hand slowly starts to move up towards his face until it rests on his neck. Our breathing is heavy for a moment before he finally breaks the tension and gently places his lips on mine.

I melt into the kiss, moving my mouth along with his and throwing my arms around his neck. I bring him as close as I possibly can, pressing my chest against his, and his arm wraps around my waist and hoist me on the side table. He stands between my legs and I open the to wrap them around his waist and pull him closer. Our lips are moving in sync and our hands are wandering all over; I feel him brush through my hair to put his hand on my neck and another to grip my thigh. I run my hands down his broad shoulder and down to his hips. We finally break away for a moment to get some much-needed oxygen and rest our foreheads against each other. We don’t say anything; just look into each other’s eyes before we start kissing again. This time, it isn’t gentle but forceful, like all pretenses have gone away.

Suddenly, I don’t feel his lips on my anymore. I look up and see him standing about a foot away from me. He’s holding onto my hand still but the mood is completely different. His eyes are filled with something I can’t quite place… sadness or pity, or a combination of both. My breathing is heavy as I look at him impossibly confused and missing the feel of his body on mine. He parts his lips as to say something, but nothing comes out.

After a moment too long of standing there, he finally speaks; “I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry.” He says. I almost physically hear my heart crack. Before I could speak he says the words that finally break the spell we’ve been living under tonight. “I should go.”

Before I could get a word in edgewise, he was gone. All of a sudden, I was just a girl, sitting on a table, breathing heavily and with a shattered heart. What on earth just happened?

-

-

By the time our plane touched down in L.A., it was almost 2 p.m. and we were already behind schedule. Paparazzi greeted us at the gate and my team did their best to shield me from their cameras, but nothing really stops them from getting the shots they want. We got to my small apartment that I keep in L.A. and immediately it became ''beautification central'. I stepped out of my shower to find that Emma Watson had texted me.  _'Heard you were in L.A., mind if I stop by to see you? I miss your face. Xo'_  she wrote. I smiled and dialed her number.

"[Y/N]!" She exclaimed, "Are you in town?" Emma asked.

"Yes ma'am. Are you going to stop by to see me?" I ask.

"I'm getting in my car as we speak." She said. Hearing her voice made me happy; she was one of the few friends that I felt genuinely cared for me. Through the whole process of staring in my first big role, to the flops I'd been in, Emma was with me no matter what. She didn't want to be near me for the attention or the money, we just like being around each other. Having a real friendship in this industry was rare, and I wanted to protect ours at all cost.

"I'll see you soon!" I said. We exchanged goodbyes and hung up before I let my team make me into a version of myself that I didn't even recognize.

30 minutes later I hear a knock on my door and open it to find Emma. Without saying a word, we hug each other tightly.

"I missed you, Em." I said quietly.

"I missed you too... how are you?" She questioned, pulling away from the hug. I shrugged.

"I'm fine. I mean, I've been better, but that's life I guess." She gave me a small smile and followed me inside. My team was in my living room getting my dress out and pressing it while Elaina was setting up in the bathroom. I pulled Emma into my bedroom so we could have some privacy.

"So what's really going on?" She asked. Emma knew that the article wasn't the real source of my sadness. I gave her a disparaging look.

"Tom..." I said. She chuckled solemnly.

"That much I know. What happened between you two? When I spoke to him the other day, it got super weird when he asked about you. Like he was nervous about something." She said. I looked down in my lap, unsure of whether or not I should tell Emma. Somehow, letting someone outside of Tom and myself know what really went on made it more real, and somehow, more hurtful.

"What did he ask you?" I questioned.

"He wanted to know how you were doing. I told him that you've been busy so I hadn't really heard from you. The way he asked though... it's almost as if he was afraid to say your name." She looked at me, waiting to explain what happened.

"We kissed. It was a few days before the article broke. He kissed me and then he said  _'I shouldn't have done that'_ and left." I sighed and looked away, letting Emma absorb the information.

"You know the worst part is," I started, "I was doing a perfectly fine job of repressing my feelings before that! I know that it's unhealthy or whatever, but it's not like we would've worked out romantically anyways. I knew that for the sake of our friendship that I needed to keep those feelings to myself. And then  _he_ kisses  _me_! I didn't ask for that! There wasn’t a neon sign above my head saying  _'Please Break My Heart'_. I did what I had to do to keep our friendship, and he had to go and mess it up."

I figured I'd already revealed too much, so I told Emma all about that night. She sat back on my bed letting all that information sink in.

"That... doesn’t sound like Tom." She said in disbelief. I shrugged.

"It was him, though." Emma sighed and furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

"Was that it? He just left without an explanation?" She asked. I looked back up at her, feeling a little bit of guilt.

"Not exactly..."

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"A few nights after the article was released, Tom came to my house again." I confessed.

"What did he say?" She questioned. I told her everything.

-

_

It was a rainy night in London, not unusual. I had Adele's album on in the background while I was facetiming with my dad on my laptop and sitting at the bar in my kitchen.

"[Y/N], if you want your mother and I to come see you, we will. No questions asked. We'll be on the next plane out of here if we need to be." My dad said. I let out a small laugh.

"You're sweet, but please, don't worry. It's a mean article. The person who wrote it got mad that my manager kept pushing back the interview date and he let his displeasure show. The really funny thing is the reason the interview was being pushed back was because our production schedule was behind and he wanted to interview me about the production! Even if we'd kept the regular date, the article would have been inaccurate. One guy doesn't like me, I don't have to lose my mind over it." I told him. The last sentence hurt to say, because it wasn't the vengeful interviewer who hurt me, but someone much more important.

"Well, I'm proud of you [Y/N]. You're good about not letting these things get to you. How is everything else? Your friends?" My dad asked, in typical dad fashion.

"Everyone is fine, dad." I said.

"What about Tom? I have heard anything about him in a while. The movie was great! Did you tell him I thought the movie was great?" Hearing my dad ask about Tom stung more than I anticipated; I had to shift my head so he couldn’t see my face. I swallowed harshly before answering.

"I told Tom, he said thank you. He's doing fine. Dad, I'm going to go get something to eat. I'll call you and mom tomorrow." I said, trying to get out of the only subject I really wanted to avoid.

"Of course, sweetie. Your mother and I love you very much." Dad said, a little more emotionally than usual. I told him I loved him too, and closed my laptop.

I ran my fingers through my hair and rested my elbows on the counter. I just had an article come out that basically said I was a spineless, talentless, slut, and the only thing I'm really sad over is Tom. It felt wrong, like I should be pissed at the author and I should be discrediting him. Instead, I was by myself drinking wine and forcing myself to stop feeling sad about a guy.  _He's just a guy,_ I reminded myself,  _this isn't the first time a guy has left me, and probably not the last._

I just wish I knew why. Did he not like me enough to follow through with it? Was I a bad kisser? Did he suddenly realize he loved someone else? Maybe if I knew exactly why he stopped, it would make this easier. Sure, I could call him and ask him why, but that made me feel like I was defeated. I heard my phone go off from the living room, but I didn't feel like going to get it. So many people had called me today, wanting to know how I was, but I couldn’t tell any of them the truth; ignoring calls was really the best plan for me at this point. I took another sip from my wine glass and tried to resist the temptation of going online to look at comments. Online comments on articles like this can be a rabbit hole, and not one I was prepared to go down.

A loud knock on my door made me jump in surprise. I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself while I walked over to it. When I opened my door, I found Tom.

His shirt clung to his torso, wet from the rain, and the expression on his face made it seem like he was surprised to see me. It took me a minute to adjust from the shock before I could speak to him.

"What... why are you here?" I asked. Suddenly I realized he was still getting wet from the rain and I moved back to let him in my house. He came in, slowly, and ran his hands through his hair to get some of the rain droplets out. "Why are you here?" I repeated after we were inside. His expression of surprise changed to one of sadness.

"I wanted to know if you were alright." He spoke. I looked down at the floor trying to avoid his eyes.

"I'm fine." I said quietly. I started walking towards the kitchen and Tom followed me.

"It's just... the article came out at a... bad time. I just wanted to make sure-" I cut him off.

"Really Tom, I don't care about the article. Mean things are written about people all the time. I'm not the first, nor the last. And as for the timing... well, there really isn't much I could've done about that." I said, bitterness coloring my voice. Now, Tom is looking down at the floor, and all the emotions that I've been holding back are combining into one; anger.

"I wanted to apologize for that night." He said, looking back up at me. I scoffed, "Which part? When you kissed me, or when you left without an explanation?" I didn't want to be mean, but I couldn’t help myself.

"Both," Tom started, "I was wrong to do... that to you." I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Then  _why_? It's not like we were super drunk, it's not like I forced you into it, and it's not like I pulled away!" The anger was slipping through my voice.

"[Y/N], I don't know why I kissed you, but I know I didn't want to hurt you!" He said, matching my louder voice.

"Well you sure have a funny way of showing it! I mean... even if you don't know why you kissed me, why did you pull away? How would that keep you from hurting me?" I yelled, exasperatedly.

"Because I need to protect you! The women who date me get  _slaughtered_ in the press. My past relationships will probably follow me around for the rest of my life because the press  _will not_  let it go. I don't want to put you through that. You deserve better than being dragged through the mud just because I've made mistakes." He said. Now, I was really furious.

"You want to  _protect me_? I don't know if you've been living under a rock for the past 48 hours, but I was put through the ringer, despite not dating anyone! So, your noble quest of protecting me was shot long before you had anything to do with it." My hands were in fist at my side; my eye's brimming with tears, but luckily, none spilled over. For a while, neither of us spoke. I didn't know if it was because he had said everything he had to say, or if he didn't know what to say next. The tension became too much for me and I had to speak.

"I will understand if you don't like me like that and you believe kissing was a mistake, but  _please_ Tom, don't lie to me. If you wanted to protect me, you wouldn't have waited this long." I couldn't be angry with him anymore; I just felt sad. He looked at me with those blue eyes that could make anyone week in the knees and I felt my heart being squeezed, causing so much pain that I had to look away. He didn't say anything, which just made me feel worse. He has no right to stand there, looking as good as he does, being so sweet and comforting, and yet keeping me waiting. I wanted him so much, but I couldn't handle it anymore.

"You should go...." I said, the words surprising even me. He raised his eyebrows in surprise;

"What?" He questioned.

"You've clearly said everything you needed to, and I can't handle this much longer." I finally looked back up to face him. "If you really don't want to hurt me anymore than you already have, please just... leave." My voice broke and the tears I held off for so long started to fall.

Tom lifted his hand up, as if to touch me the same way he had that night. I turned my head away, just slightly and he put his hand down. Taking the hint that I wasn't budging tonight, he finally left.

-

_

I didn't feel bad about what I said to him that night, I just felt bad that I got so angry. He wanted to apologize, and no matter how hurt I was, he didn't deserve that anger. But in my heart, I know I did the right thing. I need to protect myself since I can't influence those around me. I can't rely on anyone, not even Tom, to protect me.

Emma started at me blankly.

"He really hurt you, didn't he?" Emma asked. I nodded.

"This really is for the best, though. At least it didn't go too far, ya know? Ending this before it got to be too much is better for everyone." I said, partially trying to convince myself of that, too.

"Are you sure? Is that really for the best?" She asked. I looked at her confused.

 "What do you mean?"

"[Y/N], you like him, and he clearly likes you if he doesn't want to hurt you! Why would you need to end something that hasn't even begun? You're not giving yourself a fair shot. If you just give up now, before you even try to  _really_ make it work, you'll regret it." She said. I stood up and started pacing around my room.

"Em, it's not like he came over to tell me he was sorry he stopped! He told me he was sorry for kissing me in the first place! He doesn't want me like that, I can accept that." I said, crossing my arms.

"You didn’t tell him why it hurt you! You didn't tell him that you love him and that you didn't want the kiss to stop! You let him go! He isn't going to try to pursue you further if he thinks you're angry with him for kissing you to begin with! I guarantee you he wants you, but is worried that you don't want him. Because  _that_ sounds like Tom; he's not the type of man to leave like that, and he certainly isn't the type of man to push further if he thinks he's gone too far."

Emma, was crazy, she had to be! He left me and then he came back to finish me off and couldn't do it! He's the wrong one here, right? I threw up my hands, fell onto my bead face first and groaned; a very mature way to react to this situation, I know.

"Darling," Emma said, "you're beautiful, intelligent, hilarious, funny, and a whole other slew of things that I can't think of right now. But you are hopelessly dense when it comes to love. I still can't get over how you thought Henry Cavill was just 'being nice' when he sent over flowers after meeting you." She laughed, and played with my hair.

I grumbled into the sheets "I mentioned I love flowers, and he sent flowers over the next day. It isn't so wrong to think he was just being... gentlemanly." I couldn't see her, but she probably rolled her eyes.

I laughed to myself, thinking of the reaction Tom had to finding out Henry set me flowers; he got so worked up and wouldn't stop teasing me for days! Maybe Emma was right. Maybe it wasn't entirely his fault that things ended so poorly. I told him to leave the night he came to me. I just had such a clear view in my mind as to why he would have left. There's no way he could want me like that; he's Tom Hiddleston! It wouldn't have made sense, him and I together. But I guess that doesn't necessarily mean he wouldn't want it either.

"Talk to him tonight, [Y/N]. Explain why it hurt you and give him a chance to explain as well. Even if things don't end the way you want them too, it will make you feel better if you get it off your chest." I sighed and rolled over to look at her. I needed to talk to him; that much was clear.

"But... what if it hurts worse after. What if he says the exact thing I'm most afraid of him saying?" I say, quietly.

She gave me a sorrowful look, "What are you most afraid of?" Emma asked. I sat up and looked out the window and pulled my knees into my chest.

"That he never loved me like that... and that he never will." I whisper it so quietly, I'm not sure if she heard me.

"He won't." She stated. I turn to look at her, trying my best to keep a brave face. A light knock on my door alerted both Emma and I just how late it had gotten. By now, my hair was dry and in desperate need of styling, and Elaina would be chomping at the bit to start on my makeup.

"I should go." Emma said, standing up. I stood up to hug her goodbye. "It'll be fine, [Y/N]. Trust me." She said before pulling away. Emma exited the room and my team pounced on me as soon as she was out the door.

-

_

            ‘ _Stop fidgeting, stop fidgeting, stop fidgeting_ ’ I repeated to myself.  _Engage in the conversation that’s happening right in front of you; at least try to seem interested!_  Three movie producers were chatting in front of me, all trying to one up each other in terms of how much money the profited from movies they had nothing to do with. There was really no way to focus on the dude-fest going on with Tom across the room from me. It felt like his eyes were on me at all times, but every time I found the courage to glance over at him, he was talking to someone else. I suddenly felt a hand on my lower back and I jumped at the sensation.

“Robert!” I said, realizing whom it was. I threw my arms around him and he did the same.

“Hey there sweet cheeks. How’ve you been?” He asked.

“Fine,” I lied, “I’ve been busy… working and… other stuff.” I tried my best to sound casual, but RDJ must have seen through me.

“That’s good. A couple people around here we’re worried about you for a little while there, so it’s good to see you back on your feet.” He said.

“We’re you one of those  _people_?” I asked coyly.

“Nah,” He started, shaking his head, “my attention is on myself at all times. If I haven’t talked to you in the past… 8 minutes, chances are I don’t even realize you exist.” I laughed at him. Despite his nonchalant demeanor, Robert was truly a softie at heart. “It is good to see you back, though.” He said, sweetly. I smiled at him, the first time I truly smiled out of happiness in a while.

“That’s very kind of you to say.”

“Where’s Tom? Last time I saw you guys, you were stuck together like a barnacle to a boat.” I gently laughed at his choice of words, letting my smile fade.

“Tom’s here? I didn’t even know. I really haven’t seen much of him lately.” I lied. He didn’t seem to recognize my bluff, but he didn’t fully understand it either.

“Well you should say hi to him at some point; I’m sure he’d love to see you.” He said.

“Well, you know what _I_ would love? A drink. Do you want anything?” I asked, turning to go to the bar.

“I wouldn’t kick a glass of champagne out of bed. I’ll be over there.” He said. I nodded and went to retrieve the much needed alcohol. I picked up two glasses of champagne and headed back towards Robert, who was deeply engaged in conversation with someone I couldn’t quite see. I called out his name and realized who he was talking to; _Tom_.

“Ah, [Y/N],” He said, taking one of the glasses, “You know, I think I changed my mind about the drink. Tom, why don’t you take this one, and I’m going to get some bourbon.” Before Tom had time to protest, RDJ had handed him the champagne and was gone. I looked at Tom with wide eyes and cursed myself for not being able to anticipate this. His gaze nearly made my knees shake as he looked at me from head to toe.

“You look… incredible.” He said. I smiled and blinked a few times before taking him in myself.

“You do too.” I breathed. No matter my feelings towards Tom, his ability to wear a suit to absolute perfection still amazed me. His eyes bore into mine, and I couldn’t look away. Someone who I didn’t recognize bumped into Tom, pushing him closer towards me. I put out my free hand to steady him from running into me and it landed on his chest. When he finally was stead again, he grabbed my hand and kept it against his chest.

            “We should go somewhere to talk.” He whispered to me. I nodded before responding; “we should.” He laced our fingers together and started pulling me through the crowd. His tall frame prevented me from seeing where we were going, until we got to a small hallway, and Tom opened the door to a private restroom. I walked inside and set my glass on the skink counter, putting as much space between Tom and myself as possible. His back faced me as he locked the door and he hesitated while turning around. We looked at each other for a few moments before I broke the silence.

“How have you been?” I asked.

Tom blinked a few times and set his glass next to mine. “Not great….” He trailed off. I gave him an empathetic smile.

“Tom, I-“ He cut me off.

“Wait, I wanted to- may I … the last time I tried to apologize, I made everything worse, and I don’t want to do that again. So, if I may, I want to tell you everything I need to before you respond. Is that alright with you?” He asked.

“Of course.” I said, my mind racing a mile a minute. He took a deep breath before running a hand through his hair.

“I’ve made many regrettable mistakes in my life; not the least of which being the night I left you. My desire to protect you stems from the fact that my past indiscretions would follow you around and I didn’t want to put you through that, especially knowing how much people love you. I know it’s hard to see, but the way people see you is… they adore you. I didn’t want to ruin that for you; I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I did. The reason I pulled away that night is because I wouldn’t be able to stop myself if I’d gone further.

            “[Y/N], you’re like the sun; your **warmth** encapsulates everyone around you and I find it so  _addicting_. There are times that I can’t believe I was blessed enough to have met you, let alone be a part of your life. There is not an ounce of my soul that doesn’t wish to be near you at all times. But I was willing to ignore that to, what I thought would, protect you. I see now how stupid that was, because when I came over after everything, I saw the pain and it broke me. I thought I didn’t deserve to be with you because of how much I hurt you, and there is a part of me that still believes that. But I couldn’t live with myself without explaining why I did what I did, in hopes that one day you’d understand that I didn’t leave out of lacking desire; I did it because I love you and I don’t want to hurt you.

            “Now, if you tell me that you wish to never see me again, I will leave; I will do everything in my power to respect your wishes. But if you believe that there is a part of you that love me as much as I do you, you would make me the most undeservedly happy man in the world. There is nothing I wouldn’t do to make you as happy as I possibly could, for as long as I possibly can. So please, [Y/N], tell me that you understand how much I love you.”

            I stood across from Tom in complete and utter shock. My mind was racing and my heart was beating so fast, I thought I might go into cardiac arrest. He… loves me? I was wrong, so unbelievably wrong about… everything. It wasn’t just me reading more into the quick glances and soft touches; we were on the same page and we didn’t even know it. And now we’re here, staring intensely at one another, holding onto the desire I was too afraid to express. He handed me his heart, and now it was my turn to hold onto it.

            After a few minutes, Tom looked down at his feet. He seemed to be hurt by my lack of words, but how could I possibly speak after all that. I didn’t know what to say, but I knew I had to say something before he went away and another opportunity was lost.

“Tom,” I said, his head snapping up and eyes looking into mine with anticipation.

“Please don’t ever leave me again.”

 


	2. Chapter 2: The One Who's Staring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of this story! I hope all of you guys enjoy it. I’m probs going to be posting part 3 in the next few days, but I’m not sure how much after that. Let me know if you want more!
> 
> Also... smutty chapter lol

Tom’s lips were on mine within seconds. His hands holding me close to him, and mine were trying to bring him even closer. I felt his whole body pressed on mine, but it wasn’t enough. I placed my hands on his face and allowed myself to wrap on leg around his. He brought me up to the counter, spreading my legs apart while standing between them. His hands traveled down from my face, to my waist, and landed on my hips. Our lips were connected at all times; even when we needed air, the only partially separated. I felt him groan into my mouth, which caused me to tremble in desire. He broke away from this kiss, but kept his hands on my face, forcing me to face him.

“You’re… addicting.” Tom said breathlessly. “Do you really want this?” He asked.  I pressed a very gentle kiss onto his lips.

“Yes…” I breathed. “Tom, you have no idea how much I desire you. I want you to be apart of me in every way I can allow you to be.” I said. I thought I heard him whisper something profane under his breath, but before I could ask, his lips were back on mine. Our bodies were so connected, that any part of me that wasn’t touching Tom physically burned. My hands started moving south, slowly brushing the bulge in his pants that was growing more needy by the second. Just as I started to unbuckle his belt, his hand gripped mine.

“Darling, I plan on pleasuring you until kingdom come, so I’ll be doing this properly.” He growled, his eyes staring into mine.

“I’ve waited for this for so long, I don’t know how much longer I can take this. Tom, I need you.” I let my hand travel even further down, rubbing my palm across his clothed erection. My words sent him in a tizzy; his hand grabbed my waist harder than he and before and I saw his mouth lack open. I took advantage of his dizzied state and began kissing him again.

“[Y/N]… can you make it back to my hotel?” Tom asked, clearly feeling the same urge as I was.  I wasn’t able to speak, only nod my head. He looked at me again; not seeing the lust filled desires this night was bringing, but seeing how much I needed him. His lips crashed onto mine for a few more seconds. I gripped onto him, trying to keep us as attached as humanly possible.

“Let’s go” Tom said, pulling away. I grabbed his hand, holding onto it for dear life.

            Tom quickly unlocked the door and stuck his head out to see if anyone was watching.  Once the coast was clear, he started walking out and I followed closely behind him. He weaved us in and out of the crowd with ease and quickly got us to the back entrance.

I felt my heart pounding in my chest; _this is really happening_ I kept saying to myself.  After weeks of wondering if Tom ever even wanted to see me again, he was here, telling me the words I couldn’t even dream of hearing. My heart was exploding with happiness and my body was dying with desire. I wanted to tell him that I understand how much he loves me because I love him too. I wanted to say ‘I love you’ to Tom over and over again, and apologize for my own blindness. But the anticipation and tension had mounted to be too much, and words wouldn’t do it justice tonight; we’d have to let our bodies do the talking.

            We reached Tom’s car, and he opened the back door for me to get in. Tom climbed in after me and nearly pulled me onto his lap once we were seated. The driver caught our drift and started heading towards Tom’s hotel. His arm was around my waist, rubbing my sides. His other hand rested on my knees and I laced our fingers together, tracing little patterns with my thumb. My head was in the crook of his neck and every so often I would tilt my head up to give a gentle kiss on his jawline. Our breathing was ragged, not from breathlessness, but from trying to control our selves. I thought this might have been a good time to explain myself to Tom, but I couldn’t quite find the words.

I looked up at him, watching how the streetlights would occasionally light up his face. He looked down at me and brought his hand up to my face. He tucked a piece of hair behind my head before trailing down to my jaw and bringing my lips to his. Unlike the other kisses we’ve shared, this one wasn’t urgent, but rather, thankful. It was as if he was thanking me for being there.           

            We felt the car stop, and Tom had the door opened for us before the driver even put the car into park. He quickly guided me into the hotel, one hand still wrapped around my waist. Once we were in the elevator, his lips attacked mine again, the sense of urgency back. My hands ran through his hair and his resting on my neck. We almost didn’t hear the bell chime alerting us that we were on his floor.  The doors opened, and before us was an older couple that looked more embarrassed than we did.

“Excuse us.” Tom said, before pulling us through the couple. I tried to give them a courteous smile, but Tom was moving too fast. It felt like forever before we reached the end of the hall and Tom quickly swiped his room key and pulled me inside.

His mouth was on mine at once; getting sloppier and sloppier the longer we waited. I melted into him, using one hand to grab onto his neck and the other to start undoing the buttons of his shirt. His arms reached all the way to my thighs before hoisting me up into his arms and carrying me to his bed.  We fell onto the bed, my legs still firmly wrapped around his waist and my hands pushing his fully off. His hands roamed around my back until he found the start of my zipper and quickly pulled it down. I shimmied out of my dress and shoes, clad only in my bra and lacy thong. Tom took a second to pull himself back and stare at me. His hands never left my body, but traced my face down to my thighs as he sat up.

“You’re staring.” I said, turning my head to hide the blush on my cheeks.

“You’re exquisite.” Tom said, gently shifting my face to his. The only light in the room was from the moon shining in, illuminating Tom’s deep blue eyes. He looked at me with such passion that it made me ache for how long I’ve gone without being with him.

“I love you…” the words practically spilled out of my mouth.

He smiled and let out a sigh, “I love you, darling… more than you can imagine.” Tom pressed his lips to my mouth, and started working down my body, kissing down my jaw, to my breast, taking a moment to unclasp my bra. His tongue swirled over my nipples, his stubble tickling me. I let my fingers run through his hair and tried to control my moans. He kept going further, trailing kisses down my stomach before stopping just above my underwear. He used his teeth to pull them down my legs before wrapping his arms underneath my thighs and pulling me closer to him. Tom placed gentle kisses on my thighs working his way up to my core; his tongue slowly began lapping at my folds causing me to moan his name.

“Tom…” I pleaded; I could feel him laugh gently and continue working his tongue.

            It wasn’t long before I reached my orgasm. I gripped the sheets so tightly, I’m sure they’re ripped somewhere. I called out his name softly as I came down from my high, but his tongue continued to work it’s magic. I sat up and gently pulled Tom’s face to look up at mine. His eyes were wide, partially with confusion, partially with desire. I traced his bottom lip, wiping some of myself off his face.

“Please,” I said, “I want to give you at least some of what you’ve given me.” Tom began to stand and I realized he hadn’t taken off his pants yet. I put my hands on the back of his tights and ran them up until I traced the prominent bulge in his pants. His breathing hitched as I ran one hand back and forth, using the other to unclasp his belt and unbutton his pants. He helped me pull them down along with his underwear and kicked off his shoes and socks. Now he stood before me, the godlike physique making me take a minute to absorb him.

“My god… you’re gorgeous.” I breathed. His wide-eye stare of wonderment turned slightly smug and he game me a smirk.

“Now, _you’re_ the one who’s staring.” He said to me, snapping out of my daze.

            I started siting up, getting onto my knees on the bed, so that Tom and I were almost the same height. He stalked towards me, grabbing my waist and head, resting his lips on mine. Our bodies moved in sync as he crawled onto the bed himself and moved us so that we were lying down. I grabbed his manhood and began stroking, using the few beads of pre-cum as lubricant. Tom’s fingers started pumping in and out of me while I spread my legs wider for him. His eyes were intently focused on mine while he entered me and I gasped at the sensation. My moans were shallow and breathy, matching his. He started pumping in and out of my core, making it hard to focus on anything else but how good he felt inside of me.

He was nipping and sucking on my neck, leaving hickeys that were sure to be bright purple by tomorrow morning. I decided it was time to take control, so I flipped us over so I was on top of him. I steadied myself against his chest while he stared up at me and his hands went to massage my breast. I started rocking against him, and enjoyed his expressions as I did so; his eyes shut, mouth slack open, moaning my name. The pleasure I got from him saying my name over and over made him feel even better inside of me.

“I’m close…” I whispered, nearly out of breath. Tom the flipped us over again, regaining control.  He pumped inside of me, faster than before, and with a greater sense of urgency. His fingers played with my sensitive bundle of nerves, which led me over the edge. I opened my mouth to cry out, but no sound came.

The complete euphoria of my orgasm took the sound out of my body. Tom thrust into me a few more times before finding release himself. He came so much that it started to leak out of me before Tom even pulled himself out. His body was heavy lying on mine, but it felt good. The feeling of having a man’s weight on me for the first time in a while was good. Especially since it was Tom.

We were both staring into each other’s eyes, my fingers gently caressing his cheek, and his tracing my lips. “Thank you, [Y/N].” He said.

“What for?” I mumbled, getting caught up in his beauty.

“For coming back to me.” He said, and then gently pressed his lips against mine.

-

I don’t know when we fell asleep, but we both found release twice before we drifted off.

Morning came much too soon; the light trickling through the window woke me up. I felt Tom against my back, our legs intertwined and his arms possessively wrapped around my waist. His chin was resting at the nape of my neck and his stubble tickled me every time he took a breath. I started lightly tracing patterns on his arms and rubbing the back of his calf with my foot. I could tell he had woken up when his arms got tighter around me and his head shifted to place gentle kisses on my neck. I brought up one of his hands to kiss and lace our fingers together.

“Good morning” I mumbled into the back of his hand.

“Good… morning…” He said between kisses. I slowly turned myself around to face him and his hands separated to rub my sides up and down.

“Did you sleep well?” I asked, bringing my hand up to rest on his cheek.

“Better than I have in a while.” Tom admitted.

“Me too…” I confessed. He brought our faces closer together and planted a passionate kiss on my lips. I brought my arms up to hold him around his neck. We kissed a few time before he pulled away and tucked away the hair that had fallen in my face. His expression turned sad for a moment and I suddenly got an uneasy feeling.

“What’s wrong?” I blurted out. It took him a moment before he responded.

“I still feel guilty about what happened.” He said. I then realized that I still haven’t said everything I wanted to last night. I shifted so that I was sitting up more and Tom propped himself up on his elbow.

“Last night… you said quite a bit, but I never _really_ elaborated on my response. So, may I tell you everything I need to now?” I asked.

“Please do,” he said, a small smile appearing on his lips.

“Tom, for a while now, I ‘ve been walking around in a haze, not understanding how I became so lucky; lucky with my career, lucky with my friends, lucky to have even met you. When we became close and I realized that I was powerless to stop the feelings I have for you I became so nervous. You are extraordinary in everything you do that I didn’t know if I’d ever fit into your life. I felt like there was an invisible clock counting down until you realized that you could move onto better things, and I wouldn’t be a part of your life anymore. But you kept coming back. No matter how strange or brash I was with you, you never belittled me and you never made me feel like you were leaving me.

“The night you kissed me, I thought my heart was going to explode with happiness; I now realize that the happiness I felt then was only the tip of the iceberg. The feeling that you wanted me as much as I wanted you was… intoxicating and horrifying. When you pulled away from me, I felt like all my greatest fears were finally coming true. My sadness blinded me from any other possibility that my head hadn’t already predetermined would happen. Then my sadness turned to anger; anger at myself for letting my feelings get a head of me, anger at you because I thought you didn’t want me, anger at anything my mind convinced it self of. I can see now what you were trying to do, but I still think it was stupid.

“Tom, my love for you far outweighs any care I could have for other people hating me. I don’t care if they call me names, or believe horrible things about me that aren’t close to being true. I only care what you think, what you believe about me. You mean so much to me, Tom. Not only as a… lover, but also just as a friend. You hold so much power over my heart that it scares me to my core. I’m willing to embrace anything if it means I get to be with you.”

Tears I didn’t even realize had formed began to drop. Tom looked at me with glassy eyes as well, and brushed them from my face. We sat there for a minute, my heart nearly thumping out of my chest.

“[Y/N], there is nothing I’m unwilling to face with you. I promise you with all of my heart and soul that I won’t leave you again.” He said, sitting up to hold my face. My tears were streaming freely down my face and Tom pressed gentle kisses to lick them up. “I love you…” he repeated.

I nodded and whispered “me too.”


	3. Chapter 3: Getting the Hang of It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya Folks! I just wanted to say I’m very grateful for all the likes you’ve given me on this story. I didn’t know I could write more with it, but I decided I could for you!. Please let me know if you want me to continue with this story. I have finals coming up, but I’ll be free to write more often once Christmas break starts.
> 
> Mostly fluff, with a sweet smutty ending. Please enjoy!

“You look stunning today.” Tom said.

I chuckled, “You haven’t even seen me today.” I said quietly into the phone.

“You always look stunning, so today is no exception.” I smiled and sighed at his words.

“I’d much rather you actually be here to say that… when do you get back to London?” I asked.

“Only one more day,” He started, “can you hold out until then?” He was being a bit sarcastic with me, because I’d asked him the same question for the past week.

“I don’t really have a choice, do I?” I said, trying to hide my sadness with sarcasm.

“Believe me darling, I miss you more than words can describe…” Tom said, the sadness seeping through his voice as well. I needed to put on a brave face, not just for myself, but Tom too.

“It’s really only a few more hours. Finish up there doing the best that you possibly can and it will make coming back here that much sweeter.” I said.

“Understood. I love you, [Y/N].” He said. Even five thousand miles away, those words still sent shivers down my spine.

“I love you too, Tom. Goodnight.” I replied.

            I rolled over in bed to plug my phone in the charger and stared at the ceiling. It had been almost two weeks since we shared that night together, where we first exchanged ‘ _I love you’s_ , but it felt like a millennia. I had left the following afternoon to go back to London, but Tom had to remain in L.A. to finish up shooting for a film. It was hard leaving him so soon after I got him back, but we knew that being away from one another would be an unavoidable evil of the industry we both were in. Both of us would have a break for the next three weeks, time we both intended to be spent together. He would soon have to go back to L.A. and I would be held up in New York for two months. I tried to think about that time we had together, however short it was. It was freeing, being honest about wanting to be with another person. All the months I’d spent trying to convince myself it wasn’t what I thought it would be, were forgotten. I drifted off to sleep thinking of the last time I was in Tom’s arms and how much I couldn’t wait for him to get home.

-

Tom sat on the edge of my bed watching me move back and forth in my room, trying to pack.

“For someone who hasn’t even spent 24 hours here, you certainly know how to make yourself at home.” He said tome, humor in his voice. I turned around and scoffed at him.

“I barely spent any time here! This is all _their_ doing!” I said, pointing at my door, accusing my team of my ability to spread out so easily. “I’ve spent maybe… three hours in here altogether? There’s no way I could have caused this much mess. No, it’s _them_! They pay no mind to the havoc they create because they know I’ll take care of it later.” I said. Tom just laughed at me and motioned for me to come towards him. He too my hands in his and I stood between his legs, looking down at him.

“Must you leave?” He asked, staring at our intertwined fingers.

I nodded, “Yes. You need to focus on work, and so do I. If I stay in L.A. with you, there’s a reasonable chance that we won’t get out of the bedroom.” I said with a giggle. His eyes looked up into mine, shining with affection.

“I guess you’re right.” Tom said. His hands released mine, but moved onto the sides of my thighs, pulling me on his lap. I straddled him and his hands held onto my ass as I placed my arms around his neck, pulling him into a deep kiss. His tongue was exploring my mouth, hands pressing me firmly to him, and he started to grind his hips into mine. I chuckled and pulled away from the kiss, but he just continued down my neck.

“Tom, I have to be ready to leave in 30 minutes. We don’t have time…” I said, trying to ignore the sensation that was already making me wet.

“30 minutes is plenty of time…” He whispered into my skin. I smiled and pulled his lips back to mine. I deepened the kiss and pushed his back down onto the bed. Once I got him there, I sat back up and held his chest down.

“No it isn’t.” I said before quickly hopping back up and to continue packing. Tom took a moment and brought his hands up to rub his face, a grin plastered on him.

“I swear woman, you’ll be the death of me.” He said. I gave him my best shit-eating grin and returned to packing.

            Once I finally got everything together, Tom helped me carry my bags to the front door where my driver took them to the car. Everyone else had already loaded up, so Tom and I were granted a few more minutes alone. His hands cradled my face, mine on his chest and he pressed his lips to mine so lovingly that I almost started to cry. _It’s not fair; I don’t want to leave you so soon!_ My heart was screaming, but my head knew that I needed to be in London for work.

“Its not that long,” I said, our foreheads resting on each others, “we can make it.” I said, trying to convince myself of my own words. Tom kissed me one last time, hugging me so close that there was no air between us.

“Goodbye, my love.” He whispered to me. I pulled away from him and out the door, not daring to look into his eyes too long, fearing it would prevent me from going further. His hand clung to mine, but I finally released him, and started towards the car.

-

I reached out to silence my phones incessant ringing. I accepted the call, without looking at who it was, just expecting it to be Tom.

“Good morning,” I said, lustfully.

“Good morning to you too!” my publicist, Ashlynn said with too much pep.

I chuckled a little, “sorry, I thought you were someone else.” I said, sitting up looking at the clock.

“Sorry I’m such a disappointment. You need to start getting ready; you’re meeting with the producers to finalize your contract. Then you have a lunch with the director at 1 p.m. After that, you’re free to romp around with Tom. Oops! I meant _you’re free to romp around with whomever you’ve been desperately counting down the days until their return._ ” She said sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes and huffed, “I’m not… I haven’t been _desperately_ counting down the days. And I don’t even know who you’re referring to.” I lied.

“[Y/N], you’re a fantastic actress, but a god-awful liar. Be ready in an hour.” Ashlynn hung up before I could get a word in.

            I groaned and ran my fingers through my hair. _Only a few more hours, I can do this_ I reminded myself. I quickly hopped out of bed and into the shower, wanting to make this day go by as quick as possible. I got out of the shower and began drying my hair when my phone rang again. I learned from my mistake earlier and actually checked who was calling; it was Tom. 

“Hi,” I breathed when I opened the call.

“Good morning, doll. You’re up early… for you at least.” He laughed.

I smirked, “Meetings. I’d much rather be resting up for tonight.” I said slowly.

He let out a dark chuckle, “Darling, there is no rest to prepare you for what I plan to do to you tonight.” Tom’s words made my heart flutter and caused that tingling sensation in my core to appear.

“I’ll pick you up around six, does that work?” He asked. “Eight it is.” I responded sarcastically.

“Good girl… I love you,” Tom said.

“Hurry home,” was all I could manage to say before I hung up. _Focus,_ I told myself, _get through today_.

-

Lunch had gone on longer than I expected, which I was grateful for. I checked my watch and realized it was nearly five o'clock and almost jumped out of my seat, "We've been here for four hours!" I exclaimed. Everyone at the table started giggling, all of our faces were a little flushed from the happy hour drinks we'd been having since noon.

"Oh hush up!" My director, James said. "Stop trying to avoid the question, [Y/N]; do you or do you not think Henry Cavill is the perfect person for this role?" James questioned me. The people around us started at me, waiting for my response, but they already made up their minds about how I really felt.

"I think he's perfect for the role, as an _actor_ and nothing else!" I said. They all laughed at me, making my cheeks turn even redder.

"You're such a prude! You know, just as well as I do, that you wouldn't hesitate to spend a night in those beautiful arms of his!" James said. Now everyone at the table erupted with laughter, causing other patrons of the restaurant to give us dirty looks.

"I'm not into those _Hollywood_ types." I said, fibbing a little. I'm really only into one Hollywood type. Tom hadn't been thrilled out Henry pursuing me when we weren't together, so I couldn’t really imagine how he would be now. But he was a professional; he knew this was a necessary evil of the industry, so I wasn't concerned.

Lunch finally came to an end, and everyone started pouring themselves into cabs when James pulled me aside.

"You know, [Y/N], everyone's happy you agreed to this." He said, lighting a cigarette.

"I'm excited," I said, "I love the script. I think it'll be fun to work with everyone." James blew the smoke out of his mouth and looked at me indifferently.

"You have some time off, right? I think you should lay low for a while, focus on within. There's been some negative press out there, and the studio can't really afford that at this time. We know it doesn't have really anything to do with you, just people giving their opinions, but try not to give them anything to write about, okay?" James said. My laying low wasn't so much a suggestion as it was an order. The article that had screwed up so much was still festering into my professional relationships.

"Understood." I said, trying to sound firm. But I was shaking on the inside. How could I really know what was or wasn't good press? Wasn't it Hollywood that coined the phrase _'all press is good press'_? 

It also scared me because I knew that my relationship with Tom is what he was warning me about. It's not like James knew about us; we were very private. James didn't want me to give the press anything, and my dating another high-profile actor was exactly the kind of thing that would cause a storm of news. I tried to expel the thoughts from my head; Tom and I had wanted to keep this private for as long as we possibly could, this just solidified that.

 

Before I knew it, I was back inside my apartment, tidying things up before Tom got there. It was seven minutes after six when light taps on my door cause me to practically run to the entryway. I swung open the front door, and there was Tom underneath a baseball cap and glasses. Without a word, he walked in, dropped his bags and embraced me in a giant hug. I felt a breath of relief leave my lips when he held onto me, and I clung to him for dear life. He released me, only to lift me up bridal style and I put my arms around his neck. He smiled at me, his blue eyes shining and making my heart swell. He sat us on the couch, my legs across his lap and his hand caressing my face.

"I'm glad you're back." I said, moving my hand to smooth out his crinkled white shirt.

"I'm glad to be home." He responded, lowering his face closer to mine. I met him halfway and gently placed his lips on mine. He felt so good against me, and it didn't take long for things to heat up. The gentle kiss turned rough and sloppy, our hands starting roaming each other's bodies and I moved to straddle Tom.

He gently chuckled at my eagerness, and pulled his lips from mine. I pouted at the loss of sensation, "What's wrong?" I asked.

"I haven't been back for five minutes and you're ready to jump me!" He said, humorously.

"Can you really blame me?" I asked rhetorically, and began kissing him again. He gave in a little, kissing me back for a while. His hands roamed around my ass while mine were tangled in his hair. But it wasn’t long before he sighed into my kiss and started stiffening up.

“What’s wrong?” I asked again, sitting back this time.

“Darling, you know there is nothing more in the world I’d rather do than please you in every way I know possible right now. But… I may have agreed to meet up with some friends tonight, and I said you’d accompany me.” Tom looked up at me with guilty eyes, but with a slight hint of humor. I chuckled a little and led my head drop to rest on his shoulder. He moved his arms up to my back and began gently rubbing it.

“Why on earth would you agree to that?” I asked, pitifully.

“I just knew you always loved going out. I figure it would be fun to go out together again. It’s been a while.” He said. I rolled my eyes, even though he couldn’t see them. I moved back up so that I was standing between Tom’s legs, his hands still resting on my waist.

“The only reason I wanted to go out so much is because I had no better reason to stay in! Now… well, we have a much better reason to stay in.” He looked up at me with a grin on his face, took my hands and started kissing the backs of them.

“I’m sorry love, I’ll cancel. I’d much rather stay in anyways.” He said into my hands. I rested them on his cheek and turned his head to face mine.

“Oh no, Tom, we’re going out tonight. A little self-restraint would do you and I some good.” I said, trying not to show my disappointment. He pulled me back down to his lap and quickly pressed a harsh kiss on my lips.

“I’m not so sure about that. You’re lack of restraint is… alluring.” He purred. I was the one to stiffen this time before he sighed and looked up at me. “So let me get this straight. My punishment for agreeing for us to go out is for us to _actually_ go out, despite the fact that you were upset about going out in the first place?” He asked.

I nodded excitedly; “Now you’re getting the hang of it.” I said, grinning. He laughed at me and started kissing down my jaw and onto my neck. “Tom…” I said, he let out a dark chuckle. I pulled away once more and looked into his eyes. It was now his turn to ask me what was wrong.

“We’re keeping… this, between us for now, right?” I asked. He waited a moment before slowly nodding.

“We’ll keep this between us for however long you want.” He said. I let out a sigh of relief, James’ words ringing in my head. I fervently pressed my lips to Tom’s, before quickly getting up to go change. I whipped my head around for a few moments to see Tom hanging his head in his hands and laughing to himself, “we won’t be out long.”

-

            Tom opened the door to the pub for me, letting out a cloud of smoke along with it. We walked to one of the corner booths, his hand on the small of my back guiding the way. “Emma!” I said, realizing who was there. Chris Evans, Sebastian Stan, RDJ, and Emma Watson. The guys were all in London because there were wrapping up shooting Avengers: Infinity Wars. Tom must have called Emma when he’d agreed for us to come out. She quickly climbed out of the booth and hugged me tightly.

“I didn’t know you were back in London!” I said.

“I got back this morning. Tom told me you were all coming out tonight,” She said, leading me back into the booth. I hugged and greeted everyone before sliding next to Tom. He sneakily placed his hand on my thigh underneath the table. I shot him a warning glance, but he was too busy talking to Sebastian to notice me.

“So, [Y/N], I see you’ve become a traitor. A little bird told me you’d be working with Henry Cavill. Don’t you know you’re only allowed to work with Marvel people or else we can’t be seen with you anymore?” Sebastian teased. I rolled my eyes at him, ignoring Tom’s sudden movement of his hand upwards.

“Now, now, don’t get all territorial. I have managed to stay out of the realm of superheroes, and I don’t plan on getting sucked in just because I’ll be in a movie with Henry.” I retorted.

“I didn’t know you’d be in a movie with Cavill?” Tom asked, doing a bad job at hiding his jealously.

“I just signed on today. Frankly, I’m surprised you heard about it.” I gestured to Sebastian.

“Word travels fast in Hollywood, Kiddo.” RDJ said to me.

            Thankfully the conversation moved away from me, and onto something else that didn’t need my input. Tom’s displeasure at this revelation was noticeable to only myself, and it didn’t go away. He was able to hide it for a while and put on a regular attitude to make it through the night, but towards the end of our dinner, I could sense his disapproval. His hand had been rubbing circles into the small part of my exposed flesh, driving me crazy. His face remained stoic, while my cheeks were beet red, despite the fact that I hadn’t had an ounce of alcohol all night.

“Are you alright?” Emma questioned, noticing my lack of contribution to the conversation.

“Fine, just tired. I think I might head home soon.” I confessed. A groan from Chris alerted me that the guys were listening to us.

“You gotta live a little! Sleep is for the weak, [Y/N]!” Chris slurred. He always drinks a little too much on night like this. Sebastian was giggling at something on his phone, no doubt a video he has taken of himself doing something stupid.

“I will make sure these two gentlemen get home safely.” RDJ said, trying to pull a smiley and too friendly Chris out of the booth.

“Do you need a ride?” I asked Emma.

“No, thank you. I’ve already called a cab. Plus, I think you two deserve some alone time.” She winked at me, saying the last part so only I could hear her. I nudged her with my elbow while she just laughed at me. Tom held his hand out to help me from the booth, but didn’t release it when I was firmly on the ground. He took us through the crowd until we got to the back entrance, and only then did he drop his hand.

            Everyone exchanged goodbyes, Chris hugging me for a little too long, but probably just because he was drunk. Emma gave my hand a squeeze before getting into her cab. Tom opened the door to his car for me, ever the gentleman, and I climbed in. It didn’t take him long to get in the drivers side and take off. His hands were on the wheel, knuckles white.

“You didn’t say much tonight.” I commented.

“Why didn’t you tell me you’re doing this new film with Henry Cavill?” Tom wasted not time with pleasantries.

“I just found out today! Tom, we’re both professionals. I don’t get why it matters so much!” I said, crossing my arms.

“He likes you.” Tom said.

“I like him too. He’s a nice guy.” I retorted.

“You know what I meant, [Y/N]. Is that why you wanted to keep our relationship private?” He asked.

“I don’t want to keep this relationship private forever. I just want to keep it between us for now. The more people we tell, the more likely it gets out. I was only thinking for _our_ own good. Henry never crossed my mine while making that decision. I’m a little offended you think so little of me.” I ranted. His hands loosened up a bit and he let out a sigh. I was still just as furious, even my body knew how mad I was by the redness that travelled down my skin.

“I’m sorry,” Tom, said, “I just… I don’t get to spend a lot of time with you and I know his feelings towards you. I love you, [Y/N]. Everything in me wants to be with you at all times. And knowing how he feels about you… I envy any man that can spend the amount of time I desire to with you.” He said, with his eyes still glued to the road. His stiff posture faltered and his arm rested on the center console. I grabbed his hand and laced out fingers together. I brought it up to my mouth and pressed many kisses onto the back of his hand and rubbed it against my cheek.   
“I want to be with you every moment I possibly can, too, but our line of work doesn’t allow it. Tom…” I said, tears pricking my eyes, “there is no one in the world that I could possibly want as much as I want you. Please, don’t ever doubt that.” By the time I finished, he had pulled up to my house. He put the car into park and used his free hand to caress my face and wipe away the line tear that had fallen.

“Every time I feel you pull away from me, I think ‘this is it, the moment he realizes he deserves so much more’. It terrifies me, Tom.” I said trying with all my might to hold back my tears.

His faces softened and looked at me with sad eyes. I dropped his hand and went to unbuckle my seatbelt. Without looking at him, I climbed out and started walking towards my door. I heard him shut his door and felt him follow behind me, his hand resting on the small of my back, rubbing circles with his thumb. I walked inside and went directly to my bedroom, without so much as a glance in Tom’s direction. I sat on the edge of my bed and kicked off my shoes. He set his keys down and stood in front of me, putting his hand under my chin and making me look at him. His cheeks were stubbly, his hair was getting longer (just how I liked) and his eyes were filled with sadness, no doubt matching mine.

“It is not I who deserves more, [Y/N]. I’m sorry.” He said. Tom got on his knees so that he was eye level with me and I placed my arms around his shoulders, and his rested on my waist. “I wish I could tell you how much you mean to me, but words won’t do it justice.” He said, faces only centimeters from mine.

“Show me…” I whispered, and Tom crashed his lips to mine.

In an instant, our bodies were connected again; my fingers tangled in his hair, and his hands working their way inside my shirt. Tom pushed us back further onto the bed so that he was lying on top of me, using his knees to support his weight. My hands traveled to the hem of his shirt, trying to pull it off. He quickly raised his arms and disconnected his lips from mine for the briefest second so I could pull his shirt off of him. He did the same for me, removing my shirt in split second. My hands roamed his chest, feeling every crevice and muscle contract. His hands moved to quickly remove my bra and massage my breast, paying special attention to my nipples. His kisses wend down my neck before he started nipping and using his mouth to please my attention-crying peaks. 

“Tom…” I moaned, so quiet, I’m not even sure he heard. His hands worked to pull down my skirt and stocking I wore, leaving me only in my underwear. Tom stood up for a moment to discard his pants and underwear before grasping me again and pulling me back into our kiss. It was sloppy and heated, releasing all the tension that had built up over our time apart. His hardened member was rubbing the inside of my thigh, making me wetter than I thought possible; extensive foreplay wouldn’t be necessary tonight. I grasped his manhood and began stroking him, feeling him grunt inside my kiss. His fingers were pulsing into me, after he nearly ripped off my panties.

“Tom, I want you _inside_ of me… now” I demanded. I felt him grab onto my hand that was stroking his member and aligning it with my core. In an instant he was inside of me, making me see start in my eyelids.

“My god…” Tom whispered involuntarily. He started thrusting into me, making my head spin. I had my eyes closed, but the flew open when he said my name. He was staring into my eyes, slowing his pace, and making me wait for every excruciating thrust. I felt so venerable under his gaze; it would have made blush if my skin weren’t already so red.

“Cum for me,” Tom whispered, and I became undone. I held my chest against his and he pounded into me while I rode my orgasm.  He filled every part of me, making me see a white-hot light in front of my eyes. His lips crashed into mine as he gave a few more thrust before releasing into me. Our skin was sticky with sweat and other body fluids, but all we could do was limply lay there, listening to our hearts beat in sync. Every now and again I could feel him press kisses to the side of my face while our breathing was evening out.

“I love you, Tom,” I whispered.

“I love you too,” Tom whispered, rolling us over so that we were facing each other. I started drifting off, but I could swear I could hear him claim, “You’re mine” a few times before sleep completely took over.

           


	4. Chapter 4: I Can Do This, You Won't

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi friends! So so so sorry that I've been MIA these past few weeks. Final's were hell, but on the bright side my thesis for next semester was approved and I was accepted into law school, so yay! I hope everyone did well on their finals as well and is currently enjoying their Christmas/holiday break. I should hopefully be able to upload again soon, so I won't keep you having for much longer.
> 
> Also, I've sorta been working on some other stories (featuring Hiddles, obvi) and I wanted to know if you'd like to read them. I really appreciate all your kudos and I hope that means you really like what I'm writing, but any suggestion is welcome if you want to comment as well! Thank you all so much and enjoy!

“You know, we’re going to have to leave the house at some point. People will start to wonder if we’ve disappeared.” I said, propping myself on my elbow. Tom was looking up at me and gently tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. My hand was absentmindedly tracing his jaw.

“We’ve left the house.” He defended.

I scoffed and rolled my eyes; “a few trips to the grocery store doesn’t count! And going back and forth from my place to yours doesn’t count either.” I retorted. I laid my back down on the bed and he rolled on top of me, trapping me between his arms.

Tom whispered, “Where would you like to go?” while kissing my jaw and down my throat.

“I don’t know, just… somewhere.” I said, trying to fight of his distractions.

Tom had returned to London two weeks ago and it felt like we hadn’t seen the outside world since. Not that I’m complaining; being wrapped up with Tom has been one of the most deliciously romantic experiences of my life, but I was starting to miss interactions with others.

“Two weeks ago, you didn’t want to leave the house for an hour, but now you can’t wait to get out. Have you already grown tired of me?” He asked sarcastically while moving his mouth towards my chest.

“Two weeks ago, you agreed to go out with others when you hadn’t seen me in weeks. Now I can’t get you to step outside for more than five minutes. Sounds to me like someone’s becoming a little obsessed.” I mocked.

He moved his kisses back up towards my neck, nipping slightly as he did before getting right next to my ear and whispering “you’re right about one thing.” I felt myself shudder in desire.

I placed my hands around his neck and brought his mouth to mine, pressing against his lips hard. Our tongues fought for dominance, and his hand went to grip my hips while the other tangled in my hair. I hooked my legs around his hips, feeling his erection pressing into my abdomen.

Tom started peppering kisses down my jaw and I chuckled a little; “you’re insatiable, Thomas.”

I felt him grin against my collarbone, “You love it, as I love you.” With those magic words, I felt my body grow much more needy. Something about a gorgeous man confessing his love to me heightened my desire more than I thought possible. I took initiative and flipped us over so that I’d finally have some leverage. I clasped my hands around his face and moved my mouth along with his. His hands grazed my sides and rested on my ass, giving it a good squeeze. I kissed down his chest, and made sure to rub his member against my core. I heard him whimper slightly and smiled to myself.

“I like it when you take charge…” He breathed, with closed eyes and trying to control himself.

“You don’t let me very often.” I say, moving my body back up to face him and taking his cock in my hand, slowly moving it up and down.

He swallowed thickly before speaking again, “I _really_ like seeing you writhe beneath me.”

I bit my lip and whispered to him “I want to see you come undone beneath me.” His breathing hitched and I lifted myself to hover over his center. I rubbed my dripping core against his erection a few times before sliding him into me. A string of profanities left his lips as I slowly began riding him.

His hands went up to my breast, squeezing them and rubbing my hardened nipples. We both got sloppier as we felt our orgasm approaching. His eyes stared intensely into mine, while I struggled not to throw my head back at how good he felt inside of me. My breathing became short and his hips were bucking into me.

I closed my eyes for a split second before I heard him growl, “I want you to look at me when I fill you.” And it brought me to my edge. It took everything I had to keep my eyes open, staring into his deep blue ones and my orgasm spread through my body. Seconds later he lost himself and spilled into me, repeatedly saying my name.

I collapsed on top of him as soon as our orgasms came to an end. He wrapped his arms around me and pressed a lazy kiss to my temple as we both tried to regain our breath.

“I can see why you like that.” I said, resting my head in the crook of his neck. He smiled down at me, but there was a glint of sadness in his eyes that made a shot of fear run through my body.

“You’re so beautiful… sometimes I don’t even think you’re real. I worry that I’ll touch you too hard or close my eyes for too long and you’ll just disappear.” Tom said. My brows furrowed at this confession. Was he really scared of that? I’m not sure there was anything in my body that would allow myself to leave him; if anything, I was worried that he’d be the one to leave me.

“I know what you feel, I feel it to sometimes. But I’m real; you and I are real; _this is real_. Please don’t be afraid that I’ll leave you. I won’t.” His eyes softened, but there was still a sense of lingering sadness behind them. He decided that was enough for right now and pressed lazy open-mouthed kisses all over me before rolling us on our side. It wasn’t long before sleep found us both.

-

I woke up to the sound of water running. My eyes slowly opened to see the bathroom door ajar and steam billowing out. Tom’s large frame came into focus. He was standing at the sink, completely naked, carefully shaving his jaw. I groggily got out of bed and walked behind him, wrapping my arms around his torso from behind. I rested my head on his back, breathing in his scent.

“Good evening.” He spoke, low and not entirely focused on me.

“You showered without me.” I pouted, letting my hands roam over his body and placing gently kissed down the center of his back.

“You looked too peaceful, I didn’t want to disturb you.” He said. I let out a ‘humph’ and he chuckled slightly. I grazed my hand along his member and felt his breath hitch slightly. I smirked and took him into my hand, slowly pumping back and forth.

“Don’t start something you don’t intend to finish.” He growled playfully.

“What makes you think I’m not going to let you finish?” I teased and felt him twitch in my hand. I could tell now that he was struggling to keep focus on shaving, and his hands were shaking slightly. He was hard now, his body betraying him. I felt a bead of pre-cum leak out and swirled my thumb on his tip. I heard his razor drop onto the counter and I smiled at my effect over him. He braced his hands against the counter, no doubt trying to control his breathing. He moaned and my name spilled from his lips as I used my other hand to squeeze his balls and began slightly nipping at his back. It wasn’t long until I felt him spill into my hand, cursing and gripping the counter so tightly I thought he might break it. I pumped my hand, milking out the rest of his orgasm.

            It took him a little while to gain his composure and I felt slightly proud that after all the sex we’ve had, I could still make him cum with just my hands. He suddenly spun me around and lifted me up so that I was sitting on the counter. His lips hungrily attacked mine and his hands immediately started moving up my thighs.

“Ugh-un,” I started and pushed him away, “I’ve got to get in the shower, and you’ve got to clean this up.” I said, before licking my fingers clean of his cum. He watched intently as I swirled my tongue around each finger and licked up my palm, getting every last drop of cum that I could.

“You’ll be the death of me.” He said resting his head on my shoulder.  I smirked, pleased and hopped off the counter, and into the shower.

-

            I shuddered slightly at the cold wind, gripping tighter onto Tom’s arm. “I told you to wear more layers. You get so cold so easily.” He reprimanded while grinning. 

I rolled my eyes at him, “I’m wearing, like, four shirts and three pairs of socks. I’m just an innately cold person.” I retorted.

“That much I know.” He said mockingly, but with a glimmer of double meaning behind it.

“You never told me where we’re going.” I said, changing the subject.

“It’s about time that I take you on a proper date. I’ve got a lot of lost time to make up for.” He grinned down at me. I bit my lip to keep from smiling too much. Despite the fact that we’d been together romantically for a few weeks and friends even longer than that, there was something thrilling about my first _real_ date with Tom.

“That doesn’t answer my question. Dates can technically be held anywhere.” I implored.

“Don’t you trust me?” He said, faking offence.

“No.” I said, suppressing a chuckle. He grinned and rolled his eyes.

“Smart girl.” He said under his breath. When we rounded the corner, I saw a movie theater up ahead and realization spread over me.

“Dinner and a movie?” How classically romantic of you.” I said, smiling up at him.

“I figure nothing about our relationship is very ‘classic’, so best to stick with tradition when we can.” He explained. I stopped walking, which prompted Tom to stop and turn to me.

“Is that… are you okay with that?” He asked. I stood on my toes and kissed him. He stood, shocked by my sudden public display of affection, but soon melted into it and grabbed me by my waist while I placed my hands on his chest.

“Thank you…” I whispered once we broke apart.

“Anything for you, darling. Now come on, we don’t want to be late. We’ll have plenty of time to make out in the theater. I playfully slapped his chest before reassuming my position of clutching his arm.

            We sat in the far back so that no one was behind us. Luckily no one had recognized us so far, and if they had, we didn’t see them. I tried to squelch the fear of having pictures of us put online before we even realized it, but for a brief moment I heard the words  _‘try not to give them anything to write about’_ my director had said to me. I had done a good job of not letting the fear get to me, but the closer Tom and I became, the more I could tell that James’ command would be hard to follow. Part of me felt bad about not telling Tom what he had said, but it’s truly for the best if I kept that information from him, for now.

            Tom lifted the arm so that we could lean against each other during the movie, which was a bad idea. My legs were draped over his and his arm hung loosely around my shoulders while his other hand rested on my knee. We weren’t in the theater long before I noticed his hand slowly creeping towards my skirt. I gave him a sideways glance only to see him intently focused on the movie. _Damn him for being such a good actor_ I thought to myself. I huffed and sat up a little straighter to indicate that I didn’t approve of what he wanted to do, but my body was betraying me as his did earlier in the bathroom. I could already fell my arousal and my underwear was becoming damper by the second. His hand finally went under my skirt and found exactly what he wanted to.

He brushed his fingers over my panties and I let out a low hiss; “We’re in _public_.” I whispered, resting my face in his neck.

“Even more reason to keep quiet.” He said, finally looking down at me. He pulled my panties aside and teased me a little before gradually putting one finger inside my dripping core. I bit my lip to keep from moaning and tried to keep my breathing as natural as possible. He painfully slowly started moving in and out, making me buck my hips in desperation for more friction. He finally inserted another finger making me gasp slightly, and he chuckled lowly at my reaction. My hand slipped down his chest and began palming his erection through his pants.

He quickly stopped his movements and whispered in my ear, “there’ll be plenty of time for that later… it’s your turn right now.” I slowly removed my hand and held onto his arm. His fingers resumed their work and he inserted a third finger before moving faster. My breath was shallow and I’d nearly broken the skin in my cheek from biting down so hard. I placed my mouth on his neck to keep me from making any noises, and I placed sloppy kisses on it. He curled his fingers to hit my g-spot and I gently bit down on his neck before licking it over with my tongue.

I didn’t last much longer after that; I bucked into his hand one last time before feeling myself gush into him. He continued his ministrations for a little, letting me ride out my orgasm before removing his hand and licking it clean. I now realized how erotic he must have found it earlier today; watching him lick my juices almost made me forget why I was trying to keep quiet. After he was satisfied with the taste, I grabbed his face and started making out with him, tasting myself on his lips.

            Eventually the movie ended, and Tom and I quickly exited before the lights came back on. We were just about to walk into the lobby before Tom quickly stopped us and pushed me back around the corner of the wall.

“What?” I questioned, seeing his worried expression.

“Paparazzi. Someone must have told them we’re here.” My heart sank, and my breathing became shallow again out of fear instead of arousal.

“We’ve been seen out together before, the press knows we’re friends. There’s no reason to suspect that this is anything other than a friendly outing.” He tried to rationalize, but it was in vain.

“They don’t need a reason to suspect; they’ll do it anyways.” I said looking down. I took a few minutes to try and figure out what to do while Tom’s eyes bore down at me.

“Look… I’ll go out there and lead them away. If they only see me then they’ll think I came alone and will think whoever tipped them off was wrong. Just hang around here for a while and I’ll let you know when the coast is clear.” I said, feeling slight desperation. Tom furrowed his eyebrows and looked at me cockeyed.

“I’m not letting you out there with those vultures without security! Let’s just go out there together. To hell what they say, they’ll find out eventually anyways. I don’t want to hide you forever.” He pleaded.

My heart clenched at his words, “We can’t, Tom. It’s… It’s better for us to keep it between ourselves for a while, we agreed on that.” I said, feeling more and more panicked by the minute.

            My heart was racing. All of the fears I was suppressing were suddenly rising and I was left with no plan of attack. Tom just stared at me; whether out of disbelief or trying to figure out what to do, I didn’t know.

After a minute of silence, I finally decided to speak “We can’t do this right now, Tom. _Please_.” I pleaded, unable to face him.

 “No.” He said, making my head shoot up to look into his eyes. “I _can_ do this; you _won’t_.” He said, venom dripping from his word. His expression changed to one of pain and I felt like I was about to shatter into a million pieces. After a minute of looking at each other while I was trying to find my voice, Tom turned away ands started towards the door. I stood in the dark hallway of the theater, knowing that I’d just royally fucked up.


	5. Chapter 5: But It's Not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So, as a further apology for the ridiculous amount of time it took me to update the last chapter, here's an early posting of the next! It is mostly smutty with a bit of angst, fyi. Thanks again for all your support! Any comments or kudos are always appreciated :)

My apartment was cold when I walked in, a stark contrast to the usual warmth that Tom had commented on not that long ago. Not that I minded right now; my body was too numb to register much at the moment. Tom was sitting on my couch; his elbows perched on his knees and his chin resting on his clasped hands. I couldn’t tell if he was angry still because he hadn’t even turned his head to me when I walked in. I sighed and dropped my bag at the front door, taking my time. I’d already taken the long way home, even after waiting nearly 30 minutes before leaving the movie theater, but I still felt like it wasn’t enough. I wish there was a time limit on fights; like an invisible clock that only let people be mad at one another for so long before they automatically made up. In my heart I knew this wasn’t a fight we could just move on from.

I sat on the couch, nearly a foot away from him, facing the same direction he was. After a few minutes and complete, unmoving silence from him, I decided to speak.

“This isn’t sustainable. We fight _every single time_ we leave the house.” I looked back over at Tom. His expression had gone from unreadable to complete sadness; despite how mad I was, seeing him hurt made me feel worse than I thought possible. “The studio doesn’t want to give the press anything to write about me, and being seen with you means press. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but I genuinely felt I didn’t have to. Why isn’t my wish to stay private, enough?” I choked back tears, and Tom finally looked at me. His head dropped and his hand raked through his hair. I sighed and mimicked his action, brushing away the tears that had formed in my eyes. “Do you really think there’s any reason I’d want to hide our relationship if it was my choice? I _want_ to be with you, I _want_ to hold your hand and not cares who sees, I _want_ to be able to say to every jealous female in the world that I get to be the person you come home to, but right now, I _can’t_. At least, not right now. If we can just hold out for a couple of months…. It would make things so much easier.” I couldn’t hold back anymore; the tears fell freely down my face.

Tom wrapped his arms around me and I placed my face in the crook of his neck crying into his shoulder. His hands rubbed soothing circles on my back, but he was still quiet.

“Please say something…” I whispered. Even though I was fearful of his response, I still want to hear it.

“I wish love was enough to make a relationship work.” He whispered into my hair.

“But it’s not.” I finished for him. He sat back, looking down at me and cleared some tears that lingered on my reddened cheeks. It was only now hat I saw how watery his eyes had become as well.

“I want to make this work between us. I truly love you, and I believe you love me too. But I can’t promise you that it will be easy, or that…” he trailed off, not wanting to say what we both knew.

“Or that it will work.” He finally said. He looked down, but I brought my hand up to his chin to make him look at me.

“But we will try.” I said, not sure if I was trying to assure him or myself.

He nodded slowly and I wrapped my hands around his neck to press our lips together. It took him a moment before he got into it, but he finally started melting into the kiss. It was slow and passionate, and our lips lingered with words still left unsaid. He gripped my waist, pulling me into him so there was no space between our bodies. My hands tangled in his hair as I felt him lift us up, not breaking the kiss for even a moment. He walked over to my bedroom and gently placed my back on the bed before climbing over me. My legs were still wrapped around his waist and his pelvis started grinding into mine. He sat back on his knees and took my hands into his own and pressed them to his mouth. He kissed them all over before guiding them down to the hem of his shirt and helped me pull it off him. I stared at his chest, illuminated only by the moonlight.

My fingers traced down his torso while the words “you’re so beautiful” spilled from my lips.

“Darling, if you could see yourself now… beauty of anything in the world pales in comparison to you.” I blush at his words and feel his hands work under my shirt to pull it up. His face bends to my stomach as he kisses his way up my body while taking my shit off. His lips press a few chaste kisses to my face as he moves to the point where my ear meets my neck. He nips there leaving a love mark and generously soothes it with his tongue. Moans escape my lips and I feel him smile against my skin.

“I love the way you moan. Like your sounds of pleasure are all for me…” he growled into my ear. My hips bucked into his as he continued leaving marks down my neck while grinding into me.

“They are for you… only for you…” I said, using the small amount of breath I had. He moved back down to my hips where he painfully slowly pulled my skirt and underwear down, kissing the top of my right leg and kissing the top of my left leg as he moved back up. I had removed my bra while his lips were occupied, so now I was bare before him. Is eyes raked up and down my body, drinking me in before his face moves between my thighs.

Gentle kisses peppered the surroundings of my most sensitive parts while Tom positioned himself between me. I tangled my fingers in his hair just as his tongue began to lick up and down my dripping core. He took his time, giving gratuitous attention to my throbbing clit. His hand held my pelvis down while the other gripped my thigh, and I intertwined our fingers because I was desperate to hold onto something.

“Tom” I breathed, and he took the hint and began moving quicker. I felt the tension pooling between my thighs start to release and I saw stars behind my eyelids. His name fell from my lips as I cane down from my high, and his tongue was still ravishing my center.

I pulled him up towards me before claiming his lips with my own and tasting some of the juices still dripping down his chin. His hands were on my breast, kneading them, while I left hickeys down his throat. I got to the spot on his neck where I left one in the theater and smirked to myself. I rolled us over and began working down his chest, my hands already starting to fiddle with his belt. His hands claimed my chin, forcing me to look at him and I stopped what I was doing.

“Don’t rush” he said bringing his lips gently to mine. I rested my forehead on his, taking a few deep breaths. I hadn’t realized it before, but I was still shaking. I don’t know if it was my body’s way of coming down from the orgasm he just gave me or because I was still worried about how fragile everything was right now. I opened my eyes to see him staring at me; his gaze was full of passion while mixed with sadness.

“Don’t think about anything right now. Just be in the moment. We have all the time in the world, so for right now, just focus on this. My breathing evened out and I gently pressed my lips to his again.

I moved slower now, taking my time kissing back down his chest as he helped me unbuckle his belt to move his pants down his legs. Once he was completely naked, I took his throbbing manhood into my hand, using the few drops of pre-cum as lube. His breathing became hitched and I watched him intently as he tried to control himself. I lowered my mouth to his tip and gently swirled my tongue around him. His hand went to clasp my hair and he let out a guttural moan. I licked up and down his shaft while I stared up at him, holding his gaze while I continued working. I put him in my mouth and took him as far as I could while he threw his head back and whispered my name. I kept going for a few minutes, testing how far I could take him before it triggered my gag reflex.

All of a sudden I felt his hands on either side of my face and I released him from my mouth with a pop. He brought our faces together and kissed me deeply while maneuvering of bodies so he was on top. My hands gripped his shoulders while he guided himself into me; my breathing hitched when he finally filled me completely, and he rested his head on my shoulder in an attempt to control himself.

After a minute he steadied himself against me and began unhurriedly thrusting in and out of me. Our eyes were looking into each other’s so intensely, like we were afraid the other would be gone if we closed them for too long. We were both so close; Tom was having trouble holding back and his thumb circling my nub was pushing me over the edge so quickly. One harsh thrust and I was at my breaking point. My body was trembling as he found his release too and poured himself into me.

The passion was too much for me. There was so much legit unsaid, but that we didn’t have the heart for and my body couldn’t handle it. I sobbed into him as my orgasm came to an end, finally allowing myself to bury my face on his neck. He held me close, rolling us on our side so his weight didn’t suffocate me. I held my leg around his hip and in between his legs as my arms remained around his neck. His arms pinned me to his chest and he pressed lazy kisses into my hair, trying to soothe me. As ridiculous as I’m sure I looked, I couldn’t bring myself to care.

“Why isn’t it ever enough? Just to love someone shouldn’t hurt so much.” I sobbed. Tom didn’t respond, he just held me tightly and let me drift off to sleep. As I felt myself longer between a state of consciousness and sleep, I swear I could feel a few tears dribble down Tom’s face and onto mine.

-

I awoke earlier than Tom, a rarity for me. My face was swollen and puffy from my tears the night before and my thighs were sticky from our lovemaking. I carefully untangled myself from Tom, but his heavy snoring made me think my caution was unnecessary. I understood what he had said yesterday; his sleeping face was so peaceful and I couldn’t bring myself to wake him. I stroked his check before getting up to hop in the shower.

I scrubbed every inch of myself thoroughly, trying to wash away the heaviness from the night before. Not that it was a physical dirtiness, but being clean made me feel lighter and able to see things more clearly. By the time I was completely dry and dressed, I could see Tom stirring. I sat next to him on the bed and he turned to me, eyes still partially shut.

“Good morning.” I whispered, giggling lightly at how cute his bed head was.

“You’re dressed…” he observed, slowly becoming more awake.

“I’ve still got Christmas gifts I need to get. You should sleep in.” I said. His long fingers toyed with the hem of my shirt as I watched his chest slowly rise and fall.

“When are you leaving to fly home?” He questioned looking up at me.

“I’m not.” I sighed, “my parents are throwing a New Years party so they’ll be here a few days after Christmas. I don’t really see the point of all that travel if we’ll see each other so soon.”

Realization washed over him; “You’re spending Christmas alone?” His mouth formed a scowl.

“It’s not the first time…” I tried to justify.

“I never went home for the holidays when I was in college. Plus I’m not super into large holiday celebrations. New Years Eve is going to be awful enough, I don’t need feel that kind of dread twice.” I said. I loved my parents with all my heart but they were a bit too exuberant for my taste. Everything they did was over the top, and it has bugged me my whole life.

“Will you be going to this party… alone?” Tom questioned, still to nervous to be completely forward right now.

“Not if you’ll join me.” I said, smiling sweetly. He gave me a small smile too, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“When will _you_ be going home?” I asked.

“Tomorrow morning. You should join me. My family would love to have you over! My mother would insist upon it.” He said.

“That’s very kind of you, but I think you should spend some time with your family. I think I’ve held you captive for a little too long. Go relax for a while with your family, I’m sure they miss you.”  _I don’t want you to leave, please don’t go_  I said in my head.

“I don’t want you to be alone. Please comeback with me. I think it would be… good for us.” He looked up at me hopefully. It was strange seeing him like this; his tall and brooding frame that intimidated so many people was so venerable on the inside. I just smiled at him as his face fell oh so slightly.

“I’m gonna go make coffee, then I’ll be on my way.” I said, standing up and heading towards the kitchen without waiting for his response.

My hands worked mindlessly as I prepared the coffee maker. A break will be good for us, right? I mean, we’ve spent the last two weeks without being apart from each other for so much as thirty minutes! I heard Tom wrestle around the bedroom, pulling his boxers up before walking out. He leaned against the doorframe, and I could tell he was debating on whether or not to continue pushing me to join him for Christmas. All of a sudden his expression changed from perplexity to admiration.

“What?” I questioned, giving him a side eye as I pulled cups from the cupboard.

“You look good like that… very domestic.” He said, a playful smile tugging at his lips. I chuckled at him, trying to hide the blush that crept to my cheeks.

“Only you would find something as familial as domesticity as a ‘good’ thing.” I teased. A quiet laugh escaped his lips as he accepted the cup I and handed him.

“You should go back tonight. I’m sure your mom would like to see you sooner rather than later. Plus, it’ll be a nice surprise for your sisters.” I said, sipping my coffee. He looked down at his coffee and contemplated my words.

“Your probably right.” His eyes looked back into mine with an intensity that mirrored last night.

“[Y/N], if you change your mind, please come over. I really do hate the thought of you spending Christmas by yourself.” He pleaded once more.

“Thank you, Tom, but I really don’t mind. It’s sweet that you care so much for me.” I said, walking over to him to press a chaste kiss to his cheek. I pulled my head back only a few inches away from his, before he kissed me for real. His mouth was rough against mine, his tongue slipped into my mouth in an instant. I didn’t have the will power to fight back, so I melted into the kiss, enjoying every moment of it.

When we finally disconnected our lips, both of us were gasping for breath. I struggled to look past the sadness that overcame me, but I somehow found the power to keep on.

“Be safe. Text me when you get to your mom’s place.” I said, before quickly grabbing my purse and rushing out the door. Prolonging our goodbye wouldn’t end the way I wanted it to, and I wasn’t sure how much longer my will power would last.

Tom was stunned into silence when I left his embrace, not being able to say anything to me to go with him. My lips still tingled from our kiss when I looked back at him, saying goodbye with my eyes. His eyes begged me not to leave, but I knew it was for the best to ignore him. I gave him a sad smile, which he returned, before closing the door behind me. 

_I have to end this, don’t I?_


	6. Chapter 6: Indeed, Lucky Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, so, so sorry about the delay in posting this chapter! I had it saved in my drafts for about two weeks! I've been gone for break for a while, so hopefully now I'll be able to post more consistently! I included a bit of a flashback and Tom's P.O.V. in this one, just to change things up a bit. Due to the delay in my posting, I've already started the next chapter and it should be up later tonight or tomorrow morning!
> 
> Thanks again for all of your support!

A familiar feeling of dread washed over me when I saw that my mother was calling me. I hesitated to pick up the phone, but I knew her incessant calling would only continue if I didn’t answer the first time.

“Hello, mother.” I said, picking up the phone.

“Merry Christmas, [Y/N]!” She shouted, making my ears ring.

“Merry Christmas to you too. What are you and Dad up to?” I questioned.

“We just got back from your Uncles Christmas party, and everyone was asking about you! I wish you could’ve come down.” My mother pouted.

I rolled my eyes, “Everyone is going to see me in a few days at the New Years Party.” I could almost hear the excitement that she got when I mentioned it.

“Oh, your father and I can’t wait! We’ve already gotten you dresses so don’t worry about that. And he’ll be up there the day after tomorrow to make sure everything is delivered on time. He also said that you might be bringing along a date? Is that still accurate?” Mother questioned, trying to come off as impartial, but I could see through her.

“Tom will be joining me, I think.” I said. I felt my heart tug when I said his name. The last we saw each other was that morning, and we’d barely spoken since. A few texts here and there, and one call earlier this morning to wish me a Merry Christmas. I was so conflicted in my head and heart about what to do. I assumed time away from each other would allow us to think, but I know that I hadn’t been able to think about anything else than how much I missed him.

“Do you think, or do you know?” She questioned, sensing my indifference.

“Would it really matter if he didn’t show up? Couldn’t you just plan to have him there, but be fine if he was… otherwise engaged?” I asked.

“The only reason it matters to me is because I know how much it matters to you.” She sighed, and I did too.

“What happened? I thought you two were happy?” She prodded.

“We were… we are? When it’s the two of us, everything makes sense. When it’s just us, doing our own thing, it works. But it isn’t just us. Our lives can’t be objective; all eyes are on us. I want things to work our, but it just kind of feels like that’s not up to us.” I said, grateful to have someone to vent to. My mother and I didn’t always get along, but I trusted her.

“A relationship is between two people. Only those two can really know what goes on between them. Fitting other people’s opinions in takes it’s toll on any relationship, and you two will have the whole world telling you to listen to them. You just got to trust Tom; he’s the only one you’ll really have to listen to.” Somehow my mother managed to make a situation that was twisting my brain in every direction, seem so simple.

“I have to go…. I have to go talk to Tom.” I stuttered out.

“Okay sweetie. Merry Christmas. I love you.” She said quietly, and I repeated it back to her.

I stood up from my couch and walked out to the porch. I didn’t care that it was cold outside; I just needed some air. I felt the chill tug at my exposed ankles as I looked up at the stars. A feeling of relief spread into me, but I didn’t let it take over. Maybe I didn’t have to end things with Tom, but I’m not sure declaring our relationship to the world was the best thing either. I need to talk to him. I _want_ to talk to him. I stepped back into the comfortable warmth of my house and I found my phone and began dialing his number, so quickly that it was like I was trying to get air. It took only two rings before he picked up, and I felt a breath of relief escape my lips when I heard his voice.

“Hello, darling.” He said, smoothly.

“Hi…” I breathed.

“Is everything alright?” He said, concern coloring his voice.

“Yes, I just… I wanted to hear your voice.” I confessed. I herd him let out a breath of relief.

“I miss you so much, [Y/N]. I wish I could be with you right now.” He said.

“Me too.” I said. The phone was quiet for a moment before I spoke again. “How was your Christmas?” I asked.

“Good, really good. I love being home with my family. I still wish you would’ve come.” He said. I took a deep breath. _Me too, Tom._

“What did you do today? Have you spoken to your parents? Are they still throwing their New Years bash?” He questioned.

I groaned, “Yes. I swear they’re only happy when touting how wealthy they are in everyone’s face.  What day do you get back to London?” I asked.

“Tomorrow evening. I’m sure it won’t be that bad. Your parents may be… eccentric, but they do know how to have fun.” I could hear Tom grinning through the phone, bringing me back to the memory of when he first met my parents.

-

“You’re seriously going sailing? Darling it’s ungodly hot outside, wouldn’t you rather stay indoors?” Tom questioned incredulously.

“The sea breeze will feel nice. Plus you can always jump in when it gets too hot.” I looked up at him and batted my eyelashes a few times, hoping that would do the trick. He saw straight through my act and looked at me disapprovingly.

“Oh come on!” I gave up and threw my hands in the air. “Its fun! There’s the sea and… wind... and other things that are fun to be around! Just please come sailing with us.” I begged, turning my body so that I was on my knees on the couch looking directly at him.

“Us?” He questioned, “who else would be joining you and myself if I agreed to go?” He narrowed his eyes at me. I exasperatedly sat back and crossed my arms over my chest.

“My parents got a new sailboat and want to go sailing. I love my parents, I really do, but they’re _insane_. If I’m stuck on a boat alone for more than thirty minutes with them, we won’t all return to shore. If you’re there with me, I can at least share with someone how crazy they are and maybe it wont cause me to lose my mind.” I pleaded. He chucked at me and took a sip of his drink. I just looked at him with puppy-dog eyes, hoping that would do the trick.

“When is this sailing trip?” He finally asked. I looked down at my watch, and tried not to be alarmed.

“Twenty minutes.” I said.

Tom gave me a bewildered look, “You waited this long to ask somebody to go with you?” I hesitated before saying yes. His eyebrow cocked, not buying my answer.

“Emma was supposed to come with me but she got her days mixed up. And the only reason I asked her and not you was because I thought you’d be in London by now! You would’ve been my first choice.” I confessed. He rolled his eyes and chuckled at me.

“I guess I’ll go change.” He said gruffly. I couldn’t contain my excitement and threw my arms around his neck.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” I repeated, feeling him put his arms around me to hug me closely. My heart started to race slightly. ‘ _Tom is a friend; he’s doing you a favor’_I told myself. We stayed like that a moment too long before I pulled away and places my hands on his shoulders.

“Now go change; we got to bounce.” His grin made my heart flutter. I sprung up, pulling Tom with me and ushered him to go change his clothes.

 

Thirty minutes later we pulled up to the dock and I parked the car before turning to Tom.

“Okay, so we need to have code word for whenever it’s time to head back to shore. Kind of like a safe-word.” I said, seriously. Tom, of course, was finding this all very humorous.

“How about ‘Let’s head back to shore?’” He said.

“If we make it obvious, my parents will talk you out of it. They’re very good a persuading people. How about pencil sharpener?” I said, hopefully.

“What happens if we start talking about pencil sharpeners naturally within the conversation? If we start speaking about calligraphy and we get into the tools behind it and I casually mention ‘pencil sharpener’ and you think we need to leave, when actually, I’m just contributing to the conversation?” Now it was my turn to narrow my eyes at him.

“If we start talking about the tools behind calligraphy, I will willingly throw myself overboard.” I stated.

Tom just laughed at me and began to get out of the car. I followed suit, and started to look for my parents. It didn’t take long to find them, they were the only people actually aboard any vessel in the dock, and were both wearing so much white they practically blinded me. My mother started waving erratically when she saw us and I immediately regretted my decision to bring Tom along. I don’t worry about them thinking we’re dating; I’m worried that Tom would be too scared to ever speak to me again.

“Pencil sharpener.” I said, almost by accident. Tom ignored me and pushed me further down the dock. My mother stepped down to greet us and wrapped me in a hug.

“Good to see you, sweetie! You didn’t tell me you were bringing friends.” She pulled back to appraise Tom.

“Lovely to meet you, Mrs. [Y/L/N].” He said while shaking her hand and charming her to the core, I’m sure.

“Please, call me Susie. You’re Tom Hiddleston, right? [Y/N] didn’t even tell us she knew you!” My mother said. My father came up from below deck just then and I thought to myself _this is truly a huge mistake._

“David, come meet Tom!” My mother cried.

My dad extended his hands to Tom and said, “Good to meet you. [Y/N] didn’t tell us you’d be joining us.”

I rolled my eyes, “We’ve been through this already.” Tom chuckled lightly by my side and I realized that I was standing almost directly in front of him, sort of as a shield from my parents. I hated that whenever I was around my parents, I felt fifteen again.

“Thank you so much for allowing me to join. I told [Y/N] I love sailing, and I can’t believe she remembered.” Tom said, and I gave him a side-eye. _That wasn’t exactly the case less than an hour ago_.

“Well, climb on in. [Y/N], can you give me a hand with the sails?” my father asked me and I nodded. I lifted my hands to balance myself as I stepped onto the boat, and Tom’s hand went up to grasp them as he helped me onto the deck.

“Thank you…” I said after he followed me on. His hands remained in mine another moment before I broke away to follow my father.

I glanced back at Tom while I was walking away, seeing my mother pour the first of what I assume will be many glasses of wine for Tom. He looked dashing as ever, with a light blue shirt that loosely flowed around him and sleeves that were rolled to his forearm. My father snapped me out of my haze as he handed me some ropes.

“He’s rather… alluring, don’t you think. I thought you said you were going to steer clear of the Hollywood-types for a while.” My father said.

“I’m not dating him, we’re just friends. He lives near me in London and we have many mutual friends. Even if we both weren’t actors, we’d probably know each other.” I said, nonchalantly. My dad just let out a ‘humph’ and continued working.

“He certainly seems nice. And, by the way, I didn’t think you were dating him to begin with. If you really were in a relationship with Tom, I’m sure you’d do everything in your power to prevent us from finding out about him.” My father said with a smirk. He wasn’t entirely wrong. I had a thing about the guys I date and trying to keep them separate from my family; I wanted them to like me, not worry about what craziness lurks in my DNA. My father and I finished up and walked back to where Tom and my mother were seated, having a seemingly casual conversation about calligraphy.

 

Two hours later the sun was setting over the horizon and we had gone through at least four bottles of wine. My chest was slightly pink, I didn’t know if it was from the sun or the wine, and my mother was starting to hiccup. There was a lull in the conversation and we were all enjoying listening to the music and the sounds of the waves.

“I’m going to find another bottle of wine and bring up some more food. David, will you help me bring it up?” My mother questioned, getting up. My dad didn’t say anything just followed her below deck. I looked over at Tom; we were seated side by side, and we’d both put our feet on the table.

“You look good like this.” I said, grinning. We teased each other constantly, but nothing ever really came from it. I guess that’s why I felt so secure in telling him when I thought he looked especially attractive.

“Sunburnt, you mean?” he asked, earning a small chuckle from me. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so relaxed. _That_ looks good on you.” He said looking back at me. I shrugged and looked around.

“The ocean relaxes me. I just like being out here by myself; it makes all my problems feel so far away.” Tom’s brows furrowed.

“You’re not out here alone. You have me.” His sincerity made my heart flutter the same way it did when he took to long to let go of my hands.

“Lucky you then.” I teased, trying to lighten the mood.

“Indeed, lucky me.” Tom looked back out into the ocean and put his arm around behind me on the seat. For a moment, I almost forgot who I was, and started to lean into his shoulder. I wondered what it might feel like to place my head in the crook of his neck and feel his arm around me, not beside me. The sound of shattering glass broke the spell, and I snapped back up. Tom looked at me worried but I just shrugged.

“They’re probably making out down there. They act like such teenagers some times. They’ll probably come back up here and ask us if we want to head for shore, just so they can get some ‘alone time’. Ugh, they’re so gross.”

“I think that’s wonderfully romantic.” Tom said. “Being so in love with somebody that you’d kick your own child out, just to be together. You’re truly the lucky one.” Tom said, looking down at me. I felt bad for a moment, remembering his parental situation. Of course he would envy having parents who were still in love and together. My parents emerged from below deck, with no food or wine to show for it.

“We’ve run out of food and liquor! We should probably head back to land anyway; it’s not safe to be this far from shore without alcohol.” My mother said, and I grinned proudly at Tom; my prediction came true.

 

As we pulled into the dock, my mother was just finishing her rendition of ‘In the Air Tonight’ by Phil Collins, complete with air guitar and drums. I said my goodbyes as I began to hop off the boat, when I noticed my mother hugging Tom.

“We’re so glad [Y/N] brought you! Please, feel free to join us whenever you want to!” Tom’s large frame bent over to grasp my tiny mother was equal parts hilarious and adorable.

“Thank you for having me. I’ve had a marvelous time. You’re truly a captain of the sea.” Tom remarked while shaking my father’s hand. My father may have been hard to read, but I could tell that Tom and gained his approval.

“Thank you very much, son. Now, you two stay safe, okay? Goodnight [Y/N], Tom.” I smiled back at them before disembarking. Tom held my hands once again while getting off. I smiled up at him as we walked back to the car.

“They like you, you know.” Tom grinned with pride.

“How can you tell?” he asked.

I shrugged, “I just know. But, I wouldn’t really count you impressing anyone as a victory. Everyone loves you; it’s really no fair to the rest of us.” I said, getting into the car. Tom started at me quizzically once he got in. 

“I dare to say that people are quite enamored with you whenever they meet you. I think you’re underestimating your own power.” Tom laughed lightly.

“Maybe that’s why we’re both immune to each others charm; we cancel it out. Kind of makes sense that we’re friends.” I grinned back at him.

“Darling, I’m not nearly immune to your charms as you so believe. And I’m not convinced that you’re completely absolved from mine either.” His mischievous grin made him look so much like Loki, that I just had to ignore him and the increase in my heart rate.

-

            I smiled at the memory. How could I really have been so impervious to Tom’s advances back then? I mean, for Christ sake, he went _sailing_ with my _parents_ without even sleeping with me at the time. He was truly a good man.

“Hopefully it won’t be too bad this year. The first New Years after I turned twenty-one, we almost all got arrested.” I told Tom. He laughed full-heartedly.

“You’ve never told me about that; you’re going to have to now.” I could almost hear his smile.

“I will once you get back home. Maybe it will give you motivation to get back here sooner.” I said, sounding a little sadder than I intended.

“Darling, they only motivation I need, is for you to be there. In fact, I can’t really figure out why I’ve stayed away this long.” My heart fluttered at the thought of him returning early, but I wanted him to spend time with his family.

“Enjoy your time with your mom and sisters; we’ll see each other soon enough.” I wanted him back here with all my heart, but I couldn’t use that against him. I heard him sigh and I decided it was best to end the conversation then before it became darker.

“I should go to bed, and so should you. Please be safe tomorrow and call me when you’re on your way.” I said.

“I will… I love you.” Tom said with such emotion that it made my knees shake.

“I love you too. Goodnight.” I waited a moment before hanging up; not that we were one of the annoying _‘no you hang up first’_ couples, but it was just reassuring to know he was there.

-

Tom’s P.O.V.

My hands rubbed my face and ran through my hair, a nervous habit of mine. I love her, I really do, but I always feel like she’s holding back. Words that neither of us is willing to say plagued our relationship from before we were even romantic. Part of me didn’t know weather she really hadn’t caught onto my advances, or if she was trying to reject them. But she was mine now, and I’d come mighty close to completely fucking it up, maybe even more than once.

I stood in the hallway of my mother’s house, hearing the chatter of my sisters and their families from the living room, and the faint sound of pans being washed from the kitchen. I decided to make myself useful and go help out. My mum was washing up and I wordlessly grabbed a towel and began to dry what she washed. She didn’t look up at me, but she became aware of my presence and began handing dishes directly to me.

“Who was that on the phone?” She asked, not breaking her concentration from the washing.

“[Y/N]. She stayed in London for Christmas.” My mother nodded.

“How are things between you two? When I talked to you last week it was like you couldn’t breathe without her there, now you seems so melancholy.” My mum had observed far more than she let on. I sighed and my focus started drifting from the dishes.

“Things were great for a while, but… we were almost spotted the other night. I wouldn’t have minded it, but she didn’t want to. I understand why, but if we’re going to be together, why hesitate to go public? I’m not good at hiding the people I’m with, so why try? Isn’t that the truest test of a relationship, to solely focus on each other and disregard the rest of the world’s view? I love her, I truly do, but I can’t lie like that.” I didn’t really mean for all of that to be sprung on my mum that way, but it sort of just fell out of me. It did feel like a weight had been lifted once I said it, but my mother’s reaction wasn’t exactly comforting. Her laughter filled the room for a few seconds before she was able to speak.

“Oh Thomas, you’ve really learned next to nothing about love, haven’t you?” She looked at me for a few seconds, trying to read the confused expression on my face before laughing again. “You had one of the most infamously public relationship with a girl, not entirely unlike [Y/N], not even two years ago! [Y/N]’s desire to keep your relationship hidden isn’t just looking out for her good, but yours as well. If you truly love you, you must trust her. And talking to her for more than a few minutes a day would probably help, too.” My mum’s words of advice came crashing down on me.

How could I have been so heartless to [Y/N]? I wanted nothing more than to take back what I had said to her about it not being enough just to love someone, because it is. She’s enough for me.

My mind was racing about a million miles an hour but the only thing I could think of was, how am I going to make this up to her? A hand on my shoulder snapped me out of my haze, and back into the kitchen with only half-dried dishes.

“Go to her. She may have said that she’s fine being alone, but no one _really_ wants to be alone on Christmas.” My mum somehow always knew what to say. I snapped back into reality and started out of the kitchen before turning right around and wrapping her into a hug.

“Thank you…” I breathed, before releasing her and starting towards my car.


	7. Chapter 7: The Last Tear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, here is the next part with some good’ole smut to get ya through the day! I also might be posting a one-shot about Tom and maybe even start posting some of the stuff I’ve written for Loki and an OFC. Thanks again for all of your support and please feel free to comment or message me with any thoughts on the story so far! I hope everyone is staying safe out there; where I’m at, I’ve been snowed in for the past few days.

I was in that beautiful half-conscious half-dream state when I felt a hand skim down the side of my face and down my arm. I could tell it was Tom, I just couldn’t tell whether or not he was real. I smiled and hummed slightly, unwilling to open my eyes and break my cloudy mind. His face was rubbing against mine, peppering my face with kisses, his beard scratching at me slightly. I wanted to raise my hand to hold his face but something was blocking me. I realized the only way to gain control of my body again was to relinquish my dream and face reality, but I wasn’t quite ready to do that. I could smell him, his strong scent of soap and wool. The fragrance made my heart soar, but instantly crumpled it when I realized I’d have to wake up from this dream. A few more moments, I can give that to myself.

“Love… wake up” His voice sounded so close, and I felt my eyebrows furrow. “I’m here…” I heard him whisper again. I let my eyes flutter open, only to be greeted with Tom’s face merely centimeters from mine.

“Tom…” I breathed, more as confirmation for my still-groggy mind. His face bore a smile and I threw my arms around him, tossing the book that had previously been blocking my arms. I nuzzled my face into his neck, inhaling him as much as I could. “You came back early,” I said, finally pulling away to look at him. He was crouched beside me, while I was still lying on my couch.

“I missed you too much. And I’ve come to understand what a proper idiot I’ve been. I didn’t want to go one more second without apologizing to you.” He said, his face twisting in discomfort.

“Tom you don’t have to,” I said while sitting up and beckoning him to sit beside me. He stayed on the floor, kneeling between my legs.

“I do, though. I wasn’t considering you in this, and you deserve much better than that. The very least I could do is apologize for my behavior.” His sincerity warmed me and made my cheeks blush. I ran my hand through his slightly curly hair.

“I think I owe you an apology too… I didn’t mean to be so harsh on you the other morning. I was just… scared, I guess.” I leaned my forehead on his. His arms wrapped around my middle, his face nestled into my chest. I rested my head on top of his, enjoying the intimacy that felt brand new.

“You were reading ‘Hamlet’?” I heard him mumble. I was grateful for our position so he couldn’t see how embarrassed I was.

“Yeah. It… reminds me of you.” I didn’t have to see his face to know he was grinning. We stayed like that a moment longer, relishing in the closeness we’d been without for too many days. When he finally pulled back, his blue eyes were sparkling with sincerity and desire.

“I’m sorry, really. I want to make us work and I’m willing to do that in whatever way you see fit. If you want to keep it between us, then I’m fine with it. I’ll even tell my mum we’ve split. For however long you want, it doesn’t matter to me. When we get married and have children, even then if you aren’t ready, I will make it work for us then. But tomorrow morning, if you wake up and say ‘fuck the studio’ and allow me to show the whole world that you’re mine, and mine alone, I’ll do that too. I want us to work because I want to be with you. You’re it for me, [Y/N]. You’re my end-all-be-all. I want to do everything in my power to make sure that you don’t wake up one day and regret that you’ve chosen me. I’m yours, completely.” Tom’s words fell on my skin like warm little kisses that ignited a fire inside of me. My hands snaked up to his face to pull his lips to mine in a gentle, yet passionate kiss.

“I’m yours, Tom. And, truly, I don’t want to hide. But for now, it’s the best option. I don’t want to make the studio angry, and you don’t deserve to have your personal life ripped open again. But if you think for one minute that I’m going to hide you for a second longer than I have to, you’re not nearly as smart and I once believed. I want to be with you in every way, as well. To show the world that you’re mine is something that I firmly plan on doing. And I believe we can do this, don’t you?” I said, gazing down at him.

“With every fiber of my being.” He said quickly before capturing my lips with his. I giggled slightly at the sensation of his beard tickling me once more.

He lifted me from the couch and I wrapped my legs around his waist, clutching his chest while he brought me over to the bedroom. He set me down kissing my cheek and onto my neck, while my hands slowly undid the buttons on his shirt. He pulled it off, and I let my hands roam his firmly sculpted chest, toying with the small trail of hair that led south. He lifted my silk camisole over my head, and his lips instantly went down to cover my breast with kisses. His tongue drew patterns along my skin. I moaned his name, my fingers tangled up in his long locks. His hands pulled down my silk shorts to the floor and he hummed in approval to find I wasn’t wearing underwear.

“I missed you.” I breathed, beginning to notice how embarrassingly wet I’d become. Tom pulled off his pants and shoes in one swoop, leaving him only in his boxers. He pushed us further on the bed, climbing over me while our mouths remained connected. His fingers were dancing across every part of my skin, but narrowly avoiding my center. I pushed my knee up to rub against his crotch, feeling how hard he was made me gasp.

“Did you touch yourself while I was gone?” His low growl made me even more desperate.

“Only when I thought of you,” I said into his ear. I felt his cock twitch and he stifled a groan. I chuckled a little, but that quickly died out when his fingers started brushing my core.

“And what did you think about?” He said. I could hear the composure shaking in his voice.

I wasn’t quite gasping for breath but, my words came out breathy; “How much I wish it was you who was touching me and… how your beard would feel between my thighs.” I admitted. At this point, I didn’t know if the blush on my cheeks was from the warmth his body was radiating or the things I was saying.

He began trailing sloppy kisses down my chest and whispering, “then I guess I should let you find out.” I giggled a little as he made his way between my legs. He hoisted them above his shoulders, giving kisses to my inner thighs. When his tongue swirled around my dripping core I grabbed the sheets to control myself. His large hand came up to rest on my hips, holding me down and preventing me from bucking into him. His tongue got faster and the scratchy sensation from his beard made his movements so much more intense.

“Tom… I can’t…” I said. He didn’t respond, just kept lapping up at me, making me cry out his name several more times before I came. My body was shaking as I came down from my high and he kept lazily licking my core.

When I finally felt myself regain a bit of composure, I grabbed his hand and kissed all the way up his arm as he climbed above me. I put my arms around his neck and pulled his body so he was flush with mine. His manhood throbbed, in dire need of attention. I used all the force I could muster up to roll us over so I was on top of him. His hands splayed across my chest, kneading my breast as I grabbed ahold of him and began stroking. I could tell that he was giving everything he had to control himself. His eyes were hooded and pupils were blown so wide, his eyes looked black. I steadied myself against his chest while sliding him into me. We both let out deep guttural groans at the sensation. His hands held my hips down so that he was fully inside of me, filling me up in the best of ways. I began gently moving up and down and his hands found mine to intertwine our fingers. I took more indicative and began bouncing harder, feeling so scandalous in the way he was looking at me. His eyes never left mine and my name was spilling from his lips.

Whatever semblance of self-control he had left vanished when I whispered “come for me” while holding his hands to my chest. In seconds he had flipped us over, his mouth attacking mine once more. His hands were holding himself up, to keep from crushing me, but his body was pounding into mine with so much force, I knew I’d have bruises in the morning. I let him have his way with me, not putting up any resistance in his movements. Before long I felt my walls clench around him and I released into my orgasm with heavy panting. Once he realized I had already tipped over the edge, he went over too, his orgasm ripped through his body. I felt him spill into me as he clutched my hips against his. He was still moaning and trying to catch his breath, his face a mix of pleasure and relief. He rolled us onto our sides and pulled me as tight as possible against his body. If anyone had seen us at that moment, they would’ve sworn we were glowing. Minutes went by, with just us clutching one another, a small kiss here or there, but eventually, we fell asleep in the others embrace.

 

I woke up to soft kisses on my forehead. Tom’s beard tickled the top of my nose and I smiled, with my eyes still shut.

“Good morning.” He whispered, his deep voice sounded even better than I remember.

“Morning,” I mumbled, moving my face up to kiss his jaw.

“I take it you like the beard?” He asked. My only response was to nip at him slightly. He let out a low chuckle and moved his neck so I had better access.

“How do you always smell so good in the morning?” I asked in between kisses. “You’re intoxicating, like a drug,” I said, mostly to myself.

“That’s how I feel about you. Your skin is always so warm; it’s unbelievably addictive. We kissed passionately, letting our tongues roam around each other’s mouth, feeling our skin combine. In the middle of our intense morning-make-out, a realization hit me. Suddenly, my body moved back so I could stare at his face. His eyes furrowed at the sudden loss of my lips. “You said ‘when’…” I started, only making him more confused. “’When we get married and have kids’ not if. You want that… with me?” I explained further. His face formed a soft expression and looked at me with an expression I couldn’t quite pinpoint.

“Of course. Only if you want that too.” He backtracked a little. I smiled a goofy, entire face smile that I couldn’t control and kissed him again. I hummed against his lips and I could feel the smile on him too.

“You’ve thought about this… about our future.” I said.

He nodded, “Yes, would you like me to tell you what I see?” He asked and I almost couldn’t wait until he finished his sentence before saying “please!” He smiled and rolled on top of me, brushing the hair out of my face.

“We’ll get married in a small church in the country. We’ll probably fumble around in the back because there’s no way I’d be able to resist you in a wedding dress. Then have the most massive reception in L.A. with everyone we’ve ever known. We’ll probably fumble around there too because I won’t be able to keep my hands off you.” He kissed my neck and across my jaw and I giggled; partially at his beard tickling me, partially at the idea.

“Within the first year, you’ll be pregnant with our child, because, I admit it, there is no way I’d be able to control myself with you, especially when you’re my wife.” He moved to the other side of my neck, and I let my hands wander down his torso and give his firm butt a nice squeeze, before bringing my hands back up and tracing every muscle on his chest.

“How many? Children, I mean. How many will we have?” I ask, through a string of breathy giggles.

“If we have one, they’ll probably need a friend, so at least two. Then there is a fun idea of having our own football team. But we’d have to keep it even so everyone would have a partner to play tennis with.” I couldn’t stop myself now, and we were both full out laughing. He nuzzled his face into my neck once we’d settled down.

“All I really want darling is you. If the fantasy I’ve constructed in my head is what you want, then we’ll do that. But if you just want it to be us, not worrying about marriage or children, that’s fine too. I just want you.” I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. My hands played with his hair, while he gently traced my jaw.

Normally, I’d be running for the hills at the first mention of marriage, especially since Tom and I hadn’t been dating that long. The first boyfriend to ever even mention marriage to me had to witness me run into the bathroom to vomit just at the word. And when a guy had casually mentioned that he wanted at least two children, I got up and left the date. But the way Tom made it see was so comfortable. Like, of course, that’s how you want your life to turn out, [Y/N]. After a while, I heard him gently snoring against me and I decided to fall asleep for a little longer too.

 

It was nearing noon when I woke up for the second time that day, and Tom wasn’t in my bed. I lifted my head to see if he was in the bathroom, hoping to catch another sight at those glorious cheeks, but he wasn’t there either. I lay back down and brought his pillow to my face, inhaling his scent. I felt a small piece of paper by my side and I brought it up to my face.

“[Y/N], I’ve gone to get us some breakfast brunch. I’ll be back shortly. Love, Tom.” His hastily written note made me smile. Damn, I really did get lucky. I sat there for a minute, contemplating whether or not to get up and get dressed or lie around naked waiting for Tom to get back here, and pull him into bed once more. The low growl of my stomach indicated that I’d need sustenance before engaging Tom into another sexual tryst, so I got into the shower. I got ready quickly, not spending more time than necessary in the shower. I dressed quickly and cutely and decided it’d be best to change my bed sheets.

I was loading everything into the washer when I heard Tom enter. I had to stop myself from running to him; a few days apart felt like an eternity. I saw him setting down a bag and coffee cups in the kitchen and I walked straight over to him. He turned around and pressed a lazy kiss to my lips, but I pulled him down harder and deepened the kiss. Once again, my stomach protested at the smell of food. I groaned into Tom’s lips and he laughed gently.

“I think we should eat before resuming any… other activities.” He smiled and pulled away. I helped him set out the food from the café around the corner and dove in almost immediately.

“How’s your mom?” I asked with a mouthful.

“She’s great, sisters too. They missed you. They were mad at me because I didn’t make you come home with me.” He said, taking a sip of coffee. I chuckled at the thought of all those women chastising Tom, something I’m sure he’s used to.

“When do your parents get into town?” Tom asked, stealing a pickle from my sandwich container.

“My father gets in tomorrow, my mother the day after. You better get your fill of me today, because once they get into town, I’m sure they won’t let me out of their sight. They’re too afraid I’ll run off somewhere so I don’t have to go to this party.” I groaned thinking of it.

“Your parents are so much fun; aren’t you the teensiest bit excited to spend New Years with them?” He asked. I sighed and took another bite of sandwich.

“I can think of a much better way of spending New Years,” I said, winking. Tom smiled, and there was a glint of darkness in his eyes, telling me that he’d thought of that too.

We finished eating quickly before he got up and looked in his bag for something. He pulled out a small box with a red ribbon tied around it.

“What’s that?” I asked as he walked back towards me.

“Your Christmas present.” He stated simply, handing me the box.

“We agreed on not getting presents.” I protested, only half-heartedly.

“Darling, don’t even try that with me. I’ve already seen the ten boxes of gifts with my name written on them in your closet. I’m already embarrassed that this is all I’ve got you.” Tom said. I smirked, proud and excited to give him his gifts, and curious about mine. I pulled the ribbon loose and opened the top of the box to reveal the most beautiful necklace I’ve ever seen. A thin gold chain traveled down to reveal a small teardrop diamond setting that sparkled in every direction. I couldn’t contain the gasp that fell from my lips as I gently traced my finger across my necklace.

“It’s beautiful.” I breathed, before looking back up at Tom. His eyes are already on my face and smiling with such admiration, my cheeks turned red. He carefully took the box from me and pulled out the necklace while walking behind me. I pulled my hair to the side while he draped the necklace around my neck, pressing a gentle kiss to the side of it, before clasping it. I grabbed a hold of his hand and walked over to the small table and mirror to look at it. Tom stood behind me while I appraised it in the mirror.

“Thank you. I love it.” I said, my fingers still playing with it I finally looked at us in the mirror. He was standing behind me and slightly to my side. Despite our height difference, we looked good together, like we really belonged.

“It’s the last tear I’ll ever give you.” He said and I leaned my head back to look up at him.

I wanted to freeze this moment in time; capture this image in my mind’s eye and hold it in my heart forever. He looked at me with such love and adoration that I almost could taste the love bubbling up in my chest.

“I love you,” I whispered before he placed a gentle kiss on my lips.

“I love you.” He repeated. I closed my eyes and smiled at his words; I’m never gonna grow tired of hearing him say that.


	8. Chapter 8: Leaving Me With the Hounds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi loves! This has been in my drafts for a little while because I couldn't decide where to end it, but I finally did! I hope everyone is having a good return to school/work after the holidays! Pleas enjoy and let me know your thoughts!

I tapped my foot restlessly against the wooden post of the table. Tom was reading the paper while eating, ignoring the annoying attitude that had consumed me from the moment we had woken up this morning. I studied his face, how his eyes were fully engrossed into the paper he was reading, and how he never spilled a drop of his soup even though he didn't have to look at his spoon. He made everything look so effortlessly perfect. Normally, his unbelievable perfection made me want to jump him; today I wanted to smack his face. I shifted my body around for the thousandth time, but Tom's concentration never broke. I sighed, exasperatedly, and Tom finally spoke up.

"Darling, please stop worrying." He made it sound so simple, like something I could just move on from.

"I can't just stop, Tom. And why aren't you more worried? Shouldn't this be a milestone for you, going to a party with your girlfriend’s parents, seeing them in their uninhibited glory? If anything, you should be the one freaking out right now." I said, a little too loudly. The old lady at the other table shot me a glare before returning to her book. Tom finally set the paper down and looked back at me, his face full of empathy; it made my heart sink.

"I've met your parents, and I love your parents. You're the only one freaking out right now, which you have absolutely no reason to be doing." He tried to comfort me, but it was really in vain. I ran a hand through my hair and my expression turned from one of annoyance to one of worry.

"You've never seen them like this... trying to impress their friends and showing off everything, including myself! And you haven't seen them since we started dating. Things may be different now," I said, giving him my best puppy-dog eyes. He didn't buy it, but rather let out a full-bodied laugh.

"You told me the last time you introduced a boyfriend to your parents, they very nearly started planning your wedding on the spot. I think they might actually want you to be with somebody," He grinned and I grimaced at the memory.

"They only did that to freak him out because they didn't like him. And how does that not freak you out? Are you not worried that you're dating somebody with insane parents?" I crossed my arms over my chest and looked down at my half-eaten plate.

"There will be a lot of people at the party. No press but... just to be on the safe side of things, we should refrain from being overly affectionate," I continued. Tom gave me a soft smile and scooted his chair around so that he could grab my arm away from my chest and hold my hand.

"Everything will be fine. If I recall correctly, your parents seemed quite taken with me every time we've met. Don't worry about tonight, we'll have fun no matter what." Tom’s words were comforting, but there was still a nagging voice in my mind that told me not to get my hopes up for tonight.

-

Tom and I finished lunch soon after and hurried into his car to drive to my parent’s hotel. They'd reserved the ballroom for their large New Year Party and my mother had insisted that I come over early to get ready. I moped to Tom the whole way over.

"You're a traitor. You're leaving me with the hounds," I said, sounding more like a child than I intended.

Tom chuckled; "Do you really think your parents would have let you find a way out of this one, even if I weren't involved?" I looked back over at Tom and an idea popped into my head. I relaxed my body a bit and grabbed his free hand that was resting on the center console. I put his hand on my thigh and began tracing the veins on the back of his hand. "I can think of a much more productive way of spending the afternoon," I said, using my most seductive voice.  His eyes never tore from the road, but I did see him gulp and his body became stiffer.

“There’s no time for that right now,” he said.

“We could make time,” I pulled his hand further up my legs and began tracing my hand up his arm.

“Darling…” he began, using a chastising tone. He removed his hand from my grasp and pulled into a parking space before putting the car into park. I grimaced and looked out to the hotel before looking back at Tom. His gaze was slightly lust filled, but he just sighed loudly instead of acting on it.

“We can at least make out for a while before going in, right?” I asked. His smirk told me yes.

 

Ten minutes and some lipstick-reapplication later, we walked into the hotel ballroom swarming with activities. The large bouquet of flowers being arranged and rearranged, streamers and glittery ornaments were being hung in every open space. This was entirely my parents’ doing. Every party they’ve ever thrown has been over-the-top extravagant. They rented out an entire hotel in Vegas for my 21st birthday, despite the fact that I wasn’t even able to make it. Tom’s eyes were filled with wonderment as he stood in the center of all the hustle-and-bustle. Despite the fact that the place looked beautiful, Tom was still the most stunning thing in the room. My admiration of Tom (specifically his backside) was interrupted by my mother's voice shouting my name.

“[Y/N], you finally made it!” she exclaimed. She walked over to me and engulfed me in a hug.

“Hi, mom. The place looks great,” I said, trying to at least fake some enthusiasm. My comment was lost on her, as she had immediately moved from me to Tom, giving him a hug as well.

“We’re so happy you’ve decided to join us this evening!” my mother said to him. Tom acted as if a switch went off, and became his fully 1000 watt charming self.

“How could I have passed on an opportunity to spend an evening with the two most beautiful women in the world? Thank you for having me,” he said. My mother was fully encapsulated by his affect, swooning at every word.

“Where’s dad?” I interjected.

“He had a few business meeting to attend this afternoon while we’re in town,” my mother said, finally tearing her gaze away from Tom.

“Tom, if you wanted to get ready along with us, you’re more than welcome! We might take a bit longer, but your company would be welcome,” my mom offered.

“That’s very kind of you, but I also have some items to attend to, so I’m afraid I won’t be seeing you again until the party,” Tom said. My mothers face fell almost the exact same time as mine. While I was nervous about him being around my family, I could get over it if he was still around.

“That’s too bad. Well, [Y/N] and I must get on our way. I need to give her a proper amount of time to yell at me for the dress I picked for her. The party will begin at 10 p.m. sharp, so don’t be late!” My mother said.

“I wouldn’t dream of it. Goodbye darling,” He gave me a quick peck on the cheek since we were still in public, and my mother a wink before walking out. My face showed all the displeasure my heartfelt as he was walking away.

My mothers tug on my arm pulled me out of my haze; “We do need to start getting ready! The hair and makeup will be here in just 2 hours,” She said, tugging me to an elevator. I sighed and gave one last glance at Tom leaving. My mother started laughing once the elevator closed and I turned my head towards her.

“What?” I asked.

“Oh, [Y/N], you got it so bad. I actually thought you’d start crying before he walked away. I’m willing to bet he would’ve stayed if you asked him. That’s probably why he left before giving you a proper kiss goodbye,” my mother grinned at me.

I rolled my eyes at her, “I wasn’t going to cry. Our time together is limited, I just want to make the most of it,” I retorted.

“I think it’s wonderful. You know, when your father and I started dating, we were inseparable. We haven’t quite gotten over that; we still follow each other around everywhere. I think it’s cute to see everything finally coming together for you,” she said just as our elevator dinged. As much as what she was saying made me uncomfortable, I knew she was right. Being apart from Tom made me physically ache and it absolutely scared me. She led me to the room; a sprawling living room laid before the bedroom and I knew it was only a matter of hours before it became a war-zone of makeup and hair products.

“Is all this really necessary?” I questioned.

“What do you mean?” She asked.

“All… this. The party, the gowns, the preparation… Wouldn’t you rather just spend a quiet evening with Dad? It just seems like too much for something as trivial as a new year,” I said, gesturing to the large hotel room. My mother gave me a sad smile and walked over to me while taking my hand in hers.

“Nothing about this is necessary, sweetheart. Your father and I just like to do it! We’re proud of all that we’ve accomplished, and we’re proud of you. We want to show you off to the world, and we know this is the only way to do so. I understand that you want to lock Tom up in your apartment, never to emerge and share him with the rest of the world, but one day you’ll feel otherwise. Being able to confess your love to the world is an extremely freeing feeling,” my mother said to me.

I sighed deeply, “It’s different for us. Even tonight, we won’t be able to really be together. The only time we’re able to be together is when we’re alone. Our time together is coming to an end for a while. I’m sorry if I’m not as thrilled about tonight as you are, but I can’t really share my night with the person I love,” I explained. My mother reached out her hand and caressed my face.

“You really do love him?” Her expression was one of bewilderment and admiration. I could only nod my head while she scanned me over, trying to process the new information that I truly loved Tom. Her eyes rested on the bottom of my neck, where she could see the chain of my necklace. Her fingers traveled down to it and pulled the pendant from under my shirt. Her fingers toyed with it for a few moments before speaking again.

“Tom gave this to you?” she asked, even though she already knew the answer.

“Yes. He said it would be the ‘last tear he gave me’.” My mother just smiled at my words. When she finally looked up, she had tears in her eyes.

“It suits you. But please, let him know that wedding rings shouldn’t be tear-dropped shaped. You’ll want round or cushion.”

 

As promised, the hair and make-up team were there two hours later. We’d showered, primped, and primed every moment beforehand. Though my body was enjoying the feeling of being pampered and made to look beautiful, I couldn’t help my mind from wondering about Tom. Did he really have business to attend to? Or was it all just a ploy so he didn’t have to spend the rest of his free time watching my mother and I get ready? If he did have business to attend to, what was it? My mind raced a hundred miles a minute, with questions, scenarios, and hypotheticals. My mother's voice snapped me from my thoughts.

“So, about the dress…” She trailed off. I gave her a side eye look.

“It’s a little unique. Not unlike yourself!” She said, hopping up from the make-up chair and bounding to the closet. I took a moment to collect myself and repeat in my head; it’s only for one night, you can do it. I followed my mother over to the closet where she was impatiently waiting.

“Now, remember, this is a gift. Please be nice,” she warned. I nodded, but I wasn’t fully convinced I’d be able to hold my tongue if I hated it. When my mother opened the doors, [the most beautiful dress in the world](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/295056213080790615/)appeared. My hands went to touch the black silk that looked as if it was sewn out of thousands of crystals. The black embroidery stood out and felt like flowers adorning the dress. My mother was prattling on about the designer and how he’s had this in the works for months now, but a drop of worry fell in my brain.

“Do you think it’s appropriate for a New Years party? I mean, it’s gorgeous but so black. Shouldn’t I wear sequins or glitter?” I asked, finally tearing my gaze from the dress.

My mother shook her head; “Black is a very ‘New Years’ color. Plus, everyone will be wearing something glittery, this will make you stand out!” she said. I turned my eyes back to the dress, lips pursed. The dress was perfect in every way, but I’m not quite sure standing out was the right thing to do. My love for the dress eventually won over and I decided that people incredulous stares might be worth it to see Tom’s reaction to me in it.

Getting ready didn’t take much longer after that. Make-up and hair were finished and my mother got dressed and went downstairs to greet the guest with my father. I would’ve gone with her, but I needed a few (30) minutes to twirl around in my dress before I was able to tear myself from the mirror. I was also hoping Tom would text me when he arrived. It was nearing 10:30 and no text had arrived, and my heart sunk a little bit. It scares me that my happiness could fluctuate with what his choices were, but I guess that’s what being in love does to a person. I had also secretly hoped that I could tell him to come up to the empty hotel room so I could have my way with him before being in front of others. Dejectedly, I decided to cut my losses and head to the ballroom.

 

Whenever entering a room in a ball gown such as this mine, one tends to image a Cinderella scenario where everyone stops to look up as the bell of the ball descends the stairs, but no such thing happened tonight. No, tonight it was only one individual who noticed me emerging from the lobby. His eyes were glued to mine, his mouth slightly parted as if he was cut off in the middle of a word (which seemed likely as the guest around him looked at him in anticipation). After everything we’ve been through, his gaze was still enough to make me blush. I took my time admiring him, too. Clearly, my mother had tipped him off as to my outfit, because he matched mine almost perfectly. His deep all-black suit fit hugged him in ways I was jealous of. I ignored everyone else once I was on the floor and walked straight to him. He met me in the middle but didn’t stop walking once he reached me.

“Don’t you look handso-“ I was cut off as he grabbed my hand and started leading me from the center of the room. His eyes were no longer sparkling in admiration, but a predatory gaze had replaced them. I followed closely with him, trying to look out and see if anyone was noticing us since Tom had seemed so unbothered by it. When we finally reached his destination, a secluded lounge right past the bathroom, he wasted no time pushing me against the wall and attacking his lips to mine. I welcomed it, kissing back just as fervently as he was.

When our mouths finally stopped attacking one another, I tried greeting him again. “Hello to you too,” I said breathlessly. His eyes were raking over me again, looking at me as if for the last time.

“Like what you see? I know I do,” I continued, appraising Tom as he appraised me. His eyes snapped back up to look into his hand and mine and he gently caressed my cheek.

“You look exceptionally stunning. I’m not sure I’ll be able to resist you tonight,” He said.

“You haven’t been able to yet. We’re only at the beginning of the party, you have a lot of work to do,” I taunted, a mischievous smirk playing on my lips. He wasn’t quite able to snap out of whatever hold I’d kept on him, so instead of responding verbally, he began kissing me again. His lips trailed down my neck and almost into my cleavage when a soft moan escaped my lips. I ran my hands from his neck, down his torso, and to his groin where I gently grabbed as his very present arousal. A moan of his got caught in his throat when we heard the opening of a door too close to us. Both of us froze as we waited to hear the footsteps fade away. Once they were sufficiently gone, I dropped my head to Tom’s shoulder.

“We can’t do this here,” I said, trying to convince Tom and myself.

“Why not?” His lips resumed their activities.

“Tom,” I pleaded, gently pushing his chest away.

“We have to attend this party. I need to show off my dress!” I said, trying to diffuse the extreme sexual tension between us. He let out a deep breath, closing his eyes to calm himself, and nodded. I looked down at him once more and noticed just how big of a deal this might be for him.

“I guess I could help you out a little,” I whisper seductively. His eyes bore into mine, and that predatory gaze from earlier returned. I quickly grabbed his hand before changing my mind and pulled us so that we were in one of the private bathrooms. I locked the door and almost immediately dropped to my knees, by gown providing a nice cushion sprawling around me.

“We’ll have to be quick…” I say, trailing my hands up his well-defined thighs.

“Oh darling, that won’t be a problem,” his voice was restrained as if he was halfway there on his own. I looked up at him, locking eyes while I unbuckled and unzipped and pulled his cock out.

I licked my lips before darting out my tongue and licking his tip. He let out a whine while clutching the wall so tightly I thought he’d punch a hole in it. I licked him up and down, relishing the taste of him before slowly putting his head in my mouth.

“[Y/N]…” he gasped. I gave a fake-confused hum while sinking deeper. Once I got to the base, taking all of his cock in my mouth, I gave a deep hum that I knew he could feel. Tom was saying crude things under his breath while I began bobbing my head back up and down his length. “Oh god,” he muttered. I moved faster, partially to help him, but also because I knew we’re taking too long. I pumped him for only a little until his hand came down and held my head down on him. His cum spurted out of him quickly, filling up my mouth as I swallowed as much as I could. His salty essence ran down my throat and I could feel some gathering in the corner of my mouth. I released him with a ‘pop’, some creamy strands following my lips. I tried licking him clean while he was still coming down from his high.

Once he was decently clean, I stood up and turned around to face the mirror to fix my undoubtedly ruined lipstick. I was applying more when he wrapped his arms around my waist and pressed lazy kissed to the back of my neck.

“I need to repay you,” he whispered, smiling into my skin.

“You can do that tonight,” I said, turning to face him. He quickly kissed me, much more gently than he had in the hall.

“I love you,” He said, eyes closed and forehead against mine.

“I love you too. But we have a party to get back to, remember?” I reminded him. We stayed like that a few moments longer, relishing in the others embrace.

“We can do this… it’s only a few hours. Then you can repay me in every biblical way once we get home,” I said, starting to fear our absence was being noticed.

“Oh, believe me, darling, I most certainly will.”


	9. Chapter 9: Heaviness in My Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I hope you enjoy this next installment of Warmth! I’ve been a little crazy with school and graduation stuff to prepare, so sorry the updates are so sporadic. As always, feedback is always appreciated. A huge thank you to everyone who has read all of these so far! You guys are the best, and your continued participation in this story means so very much to me. Have a good week!

The ballroom was crowded when we got back to the party. I tried to keep a little distance between Tom and myself so people wouldn't suspect the shenanigans that went down in the bathroom. I mingled with my parent’s friends, hugged some family friends that I hadn't seen in a while, and tried to focus on anything that wasn't Tom. He was a true professional, able to turn on his charming demeanor in full force, leaving everyone starry-eyed when they looked at him. The conversations around him flowed freely and he looked relaxed as ever, whilst mingling among the other guest. Everyone was consuming copious amounts of champagne and the composed demeanor of many individuals was long gone. People were happy, drunk, and enamored with how sparkly everything was. I was in a group of family friends, lounging on a couch with a flute of champagne in my hands, eyeing Tom across the room at the bar.

“So what’s next for you, [Y/N]? Aren’t you shooting another movie soon?” an acquaintance of my mothers asked. I nodded.

“In a few days actually. We’re shooting in Rome and Paris,” I said.

“That’s incredible!” They cheered. I nodded, in agreement, but that wasn’t what I was really feeling. _I only have a few more days with Tom._ I took another gulp of my drink, trying to drown out my sorrows. They asked me questions about the cast, crew, and the story. I told them as little as I could, not wanting to let the word out about something I shouldn’t. The only thing that could get you in more trouble with the studio than a personal crisis was revealing information.

“Will Henry Cavil be your love interest? He is so charming,” One of the other ladies, asked.

“Potentially…” I played coyly. At that moment Tom decided to join our conversation, taking the seat across from me.

“Giggling women… that never ends well,” he said, making them laugh even more.

“We were just talking about [Y/N]’s newest love interest! It seems she can only surround herself with British superhero’s,” someone explained.

“Ahhhh,” Tom expressed, “what other British superhero does she surround herself with?” He asked. Everyone looked at him confused, and so did I.

“You, of course,” I said.

“Darling, I’m a _villain_. We’re much harder to get rid of,” Tom says, winking at me before looking at me with such an intense look in his eyes that it made me gulp. Everyone loved his play on the character and the attention that once befell me shifted entirely to him.

I eventually got up to go the bar and refill my drink. Once I was there, I felt a hand on the small of my back.

“You seem to be enjoying yourself,” I said, not having to look up to know it was Tom.

“As do you,” He replied. The bartender passed us both our drinks and I turned to face him. I frowned thinking about the question from earlier, about when the shooting started again.

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

“How many days until you have to fly back to L.A.?” I responded, ignoring his question. The sorrowful expression that overcame his face must have matched mine.

“Four days…” He sighed, and I took a big drink.

“I just don’t know if I’m ready to let go of you just yet,” I say, a sad smile appearing on my lips. I felt another presence creep up on us, and I turned around. My father and mother were walking towards each other, hand-in-hand, and had obviously had a little too much to drink. I felt Tom snicker when he saw them.

“[Y/N]!” My mother said a little too loud, throwing her arms around me.

“Aren’t you having fun?! Unless Tom here is keeping you too occupied. By the way, Tom, you look stunning! I’m so glad I told you to wear all black,” She said, poking Tom’s chest with her pointer finger. I rolled my eyes and looked to my Dad for help, but he was just as far gone as my mother, only hiding it better.

“The party has been lovely. Shouldn’t you too be preparing for the countdown? It’s only 14 minutes away,” I said, looking at the clock above the bar. My mother drunkenly waved her hand,

“No one really cares about the countdown until the last minute or so. Come on, let’s all go dancing!” She said, grabbing my father’s chest and pulling him onto the dance floor. I laughed at how cute they were until I saw Tom’s hand held out in front of me.

“May I have this dance?” He asked, standing up straighter. I looked around at everyone near us; most everyone was drunk, but prying eyes could mean trouble for Tom and I.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” I questioned, looking back at Tom.

“Since when is dancing ever a bad idea?” He asked, incredulously. I rolled my eyes at him and before I could respond, he grabbed my hand and pulled us to the dance floor. Plenty of people were dancing around, spinning, twirling and showing just how drunk they really were. I move along with the music, Tom taking the lead and showing off his impeccable moves. People formed a small circle around him, watching him fully enjoy himself. I laughed and moved along, enjoying the sight of Tom. The heavy upbeat music died down after a minute, and a slower song took its place. Everyone paired off, and before I could escape, Tom's hand grabbed mine and spun me around.

His right hand rested on my waist while his left hand still held mine. I was going to pull away until I saw him looking down at me. His eyes were shining in the dim lighting of the room, his hair was perfectly jostled out of place, and his lips held a playful smirk.

“Not putting up a fight this time?” He asked humorously.

“Why waste effort on things I know truly want,” I said, smiling back at him. He swayed us to the music, helping keep up appearances. I let him lead, truthfully he was a much better dancer than I could dream of being. I moved my hands so they wrapped around his neck and he placed both of his hands on my waist, pulling me even closer.

“I would very much like to kiss you right now,” he said.

“Me too,” I responded, and we both frowned. I dropped my head to look at the floor, but his hand left my waist and brought my chin up to face him.

“Soon,” he said.

“Not soon enough,” I gave him a sad smile.

“All right everyone,” my mother shouted, making everyone turn towards her and the giant countdown clock on the wall.

“60 seconds to go!” She shouted, and everyone started counting down the time, including Tom. I quickly grabbed his hand and began pulling him through the crowd. We navigated our way to a corner where I spun around to look at Tom. His eyes were wide with excitement as everyone continued cheering.

“Next year, I’ll be able to do this in front of everyone,” I said, breathlessly. He cupped my face in his hands and I grabbed his collar and pulled his lips down to mine. As soon as the clock switched over people shouted ‘Happy New Year’ and pulled others into a loving embrace, and so did we. Tom’s lips moved unhurriedly against my own, relishing in the feeling we’d been deprived of all night. I let my tongue explore his mouth, and his did the same. Our lips moved in perfect harmony for about two minutes, and we both broke for air.

“Happy New Year, my love,” Tom said, panting.

“I love you…” I whispered and pulled him in for another one. This time, there was a bit more urgency, and Tom pushed my body against the wall as his mouth attacked mine again.

“I feel as though we’ve fulfilled our duty at the party tonight; don’t you think it’s time we head out?” I said as he began kissing my neck.

“Very much so,” Tom growled against my skin. I mustered up all the self-control I could and pushed him away from me. Tom pouted at the loss of contact.

“Then let's go,” I said, with a lust-filled gaze.

We moved through the crowd quickly, once more, and found my parents to say goodbye.

“There you two are!” My mother slurred once she saw Tom and myself.

“We’re gonna get going,” I said. My mom pouted and threw her arms around me.

“Awh… I’m so happy you came tonight!” She said into my ear. I pulled her off of me just in time to see Tom shaking hands with my father.

“Be good to her.” He said, and Tom nodded.

“I intend to do so forever,” Tom said, making my heart swell. My mother moved over to Tom and wrapped him in a hug very similar to mine.

“Goodnight, Dad,” I turned to my father. He gave me a slight kiss on the cheek and a proud smile. I immediately turned around with Tom and began heading for the exit.

-

As soon as the door closed, his lips were on mine once more. “We have to make it… to the… bedroom,” I said between kisses. He huffed and bent down to throw me over his shoulder and begin walking to the bedroom. I laughed and playfully hit him, and squeezed his ass a few times. Seconds later he tossed me on the bed, a predatory look in his eyes as he stood over me. He dove down to recapture the kiss, but I rolled away just in time. He looked back at me with confused eyes, and I just got up to face him.

“Look at me,” I said, standing a foot in front of him. He turned onto his back and gazed over at me. I slowly unzipped the gorgeous gown I’d donned all night, letting it slide down my body and pool around my feet. The silvery lingerie shone in the moonlight as Tom took all of me in.

“Happy New Year, babe,” I said, relishing in the look of wonderment he had on his face. I slowly crept towards him, but he mad no move to touch me until my knees hit the bed, and I was between his legs. His fingertips brushed against my thigh all the way up to my shoulders, and his eyes followed.

“You’re stunning…” He said, breathlessly. I put my hands on his face and delicately pulled him into a kiss. It was soft and sweet, similar to the first one we shared at the party tonight. He broke away from the kiss, and it was my turn to be confused.

“I was supposed to be the one re-paying you tonight,” he realized.

I shrugged a little; “Then put your tongue to use and _repay_ me.”

            He instantly pulled me back down to the bed and began trailing kisses down my body. He shed his jacket and began to unbutton and pull off his shirt. Once he was free from the confines, he grabbed my waist and pulled me to the edge of the bed. My dripping core was right in front of his face, his fingers danced across my inner thighs. He gently pulled my underwear off with his teeth, keeping his eyes locked on mine the whole time. Tom placed my legs on top of his shoulders as he bent down to press gently kisses to my folds. I couldn’t help the moan that escaped my lips, and it only encouraged him. His tongue began darting out, licking stripes up and down my center.  One finger followed him and he inserted it the same time he started really using his tongue. He began lapping at my folds, and I couldn’t help the sounds of pleasure leaving my mouth.

“God, Tom, yes…” I moaned. He put in another finger and quickened his pace. My fingers became attached to his hair and I kept his head close to my center. I loved the feeling of his silky, long hair intertwined with my fingers. Tom kept going until I cried out his name and came into his mouth. I panted while coming down from my high but his tongue still explored my core.

I lay down on the bed, trying to regain my breath, and Tom stood up. I propped up myself on my elbows to get a better look at him. The moonlight illuminated him and I could see the heavy press of his erection in his trousers. Tom unbuckled his belt, unbuttoned his pants, and pulled the rest of his clothes and shoes off quickly. His throbbing erection sprung free and bobbed against his abdomen for a second before Tom grabbed his base and began pumping a few times. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the sight, but he was staring at me. He crawled back over me, pushing us further onto the bed. His lips trailed gentle kisses from my core to the valley of my breast, and finding my lips. I kissed back passionately, letting my fingers curl into his hair once more. His hand guided his cock into me and we both let out long moans.

“Darling, you feel so good. Every time I’m in you… I feel so complete,” he whispered.

I chuckled darkly; “Funny, I don’t feel complete until you’re in me,” I said, nipping at his bottom lip. He began moving his hips; pushing in-and-out of me so slowly. His eyes stared into my intently as he quickened his pace, letting his cock nearly all out of me before slamming back into me.

“Tom…” I moaned into his ear.  Our bodies moved in sync; our hips met each other in perfect timing. My nails dug into his back, pulling him closer to me and I bit down on his neck, knowingly leaving a hickey that would appear tomorrow. His hand went between us to stimulate me over the edge and I came around his cock, moaning his name. He came inside of me, his hot essence making my whole body feel warm. Tom dropped down on top of me, trapping me in his arms as we both regained our breath.

He tried to roll off of me after a few minutes, but I wrapped my arms around him and kept him directly on me.

“Please…” I whispered, “I need to feel you on me.” His head came up, and his eyes bore into my pleading ones.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he said, brushing a few sweaty strands of hair from my face.   
“But you will be, soon. We’ll be separated again. Right now, I just need to feel you with me,” I said in a small voice. I felt embarrassed; we still had a few days left together, but I was so worried it wouldn’t be enough. Tom looked at me with sadness covering his face; he’d understood why I was so reluctant to let him go. He gently pressed his lips to mine, giving me a soft kiss of reassurance.

“You’ll have a part of me with you, no matter how great our distance is.” He whispered, his hand trailing down my neck and guiding the necklace he’d given me to rest between my breasts. In our haste to make love, I’d forgotten to discard it, but I was sort of glad I hadn’t. His lips ghosted down my neck and chest, pressing gentle kisses along the way, before pressing a kiss to the pendant while looking up at me. My hand rubbed his face and he leaned into me, enjoying the touch.

-

The few days we had left together passed all too quickly. Tom and I were both getting ready for filming, which meant packing, preparing materials, and getting our teams prepared for wherever we’d be. While we spent most of our time together, our minds were otherwise occupied. We did make up for it at night; every night was an endless session of lovemaking that left us exhausted. Even then sleep evaded us; we’d talk into the morning, play around the house, he’d make me laugh and I’d take as many pictures of him as I could looking silly. It was perfect and domestic and altogether heartbreaking. I never wanted this to end.

I was currently in my house, searching around in my closet for a couple of outfits, while Tom was on the phone with me.

“Did I leave that red skirt at your place? And my white jacket?” I asked him, searching all around.

“Yep. Is my pinstriped blue dress shirt there?” He asked me.

“Yeah. I think half of my closet is at your place and half of yours is at me,” I chuckled, and he did too.

“How about you come over in a little while with the clothes, and I’ll cook you dinner?” Tom asked. 

“Yes please!” I said excitedly, making him chuckle. “But I will be keeping your grey sweatshirt with me,” I said, pulling up the garment and inhaling his scent.

“Why’s that?” he asked.

“It smells like you. Plus, it’s a requirement for girlfriends to steal their boyfriend’s sweatshirts. Look at it as the cost of having a girlfriend. Good sex equates to fewer sweatshirts for you,” I explained humorously. He let out a full-bodied laugh at that.

“If good sex means you get to keep my sweatshirts then, darling, my entire closet is your.” He said. My cheeks heated at his response and I was glad he couldn’t see me through the phone.

“Well the way it looks right now, half of your closet is already mine,” I sighed, looking around me.

“I’ll come over in a little while,” I continued.

“Alright love, be safe. Love you.” He said, and I replied the same before hanging up. I wasn’t kidding when I said half of his closet is already mine. Everything from pajama pants and workout gear, to three-piece Gucci suits, hung in my closet. As much as I love having Tom’s stuff around me, it was a little annoying that I didn’t have half of my stuff.

Right then, a realization struck me that felt like a lightning bolt in my brain. Why live separately? I sat around in my closet for a few minutes while my mind was turning quickly. What if we did get a place together, I mean, we’re together most of the time. It would make sense and probably make things a lot easier for us, right? I paced in my bedroom for a while thinking about Tom and I getting a place together. We hadn’t been together for that long, and our schedules could be different, and living together wouldn’t make much of a difference. I sighed, frustrated, and ran my hands through my hair. There was one factor that was pretty big, and hadn’t been discussed at all; Tom. Sure, I could run around with hypotheticals all day long, but if he thought it was a bad idea, we’d be dead on arrival. What if he didn’t want to move in with me? What if he thought we were moving too fast? As much as I’d like to dispel all ideas of this and call my mind ridiculous, the thought was consuming me. I quickly pack away all of this things and headed towards his house.

 

I knocked, out of courtesy, before entering his home.

“Tom, I’m here!” I shouted into the house. He rounded the corner, a few buttons of his shirt undone, and what seemed to be some red sauce on his fingertips.

“Hello darling,” Tom said, walking over to me and giving me a quick kiss.

“Something smells good,” I commented.

He laughed a little and stretched out his hands, “I did seem to make a bit of a mess in there. Hopefully, the mess leads to a good dinner,” He said, smiling down at his messy hands. I reach down and grab his hand, bringing his finger up to my mouth and tasting some of the sauce that remained. I closed my eyes, licking every finger until he was clean. When I looked back up to Tom, he had a hungry look in his eyes, and not for food. I gave him a devious smile and he quickly attacked my lips. He pushed my body up towards the wall and deepened the kiss.

“Tom… you’re cooking… I thought,” I said between kisses, though not discouraging his actions at all.

“Don’t care…” he said against my lips. I pushed him away, my hands resting on his defined chest.

“You will care when you burn down your kitchen,” I said with a slight smile.

He grinds down to me; “I’ll get a new kitchen.” He leaned back down to capture my lips once more, but I kept my hold on him. His words, meant to comfort me, had the opposite effect. I couldn’t hide the displeasure that flashed across my face for a split second, and I knew Tom saw it. It was my head’s fault really, making me think about us moving in together despite the fact that we’d never brought it up.

The idea of him getting a new kitchen only reminded me of the inner battle I had today. He looked confused, but before he could question me about it, I pulled the suitcase of his clothes between us.

“I brought gifts,” I said. Relief washed over Tom.

“Thank you, love. I think I’ll need pretty much everything in there so that I can leave tomorrow,” he said.

I frowned slightly; “Well, in that case, I should have kept it.” Tom just gave me a reassuring squeeze on my hand.

“Your stuff is in the bedroom if you want to make sure I got everything,” he said, heading back to the kitchen when the oven beeped. I rolled the case into his room and took stock of everything I had here.

Once finished, I left his room and joined him in his kitchen, sitting at his bar. He gracefully handed me a glass of red wine and a peck on the cheek, making me blush. I admired Tom as he pranced around the kitchen, a towel strewn across his shoulder as he hummed a tune to a song I didn’t quite recognize. I rested my cheek in my hand and took all of him in. His well-fitted jeans hugged him perfectly, his worn belt unnecessary considering how his tight ass held them in place. His dark blue button-down caressed his skin and pulled tight across his shoulder blades. His skin was getting paler, which only emphasized how ginger his stubble and hair truly was.

He glanced back at me while stirring a pot; “See something you like?” He asked, sarcastically.

“Mmm-hmmm,” was the only noise I could muster up. _What if this was our kitchen, and he was cooking a meal in our home?_ Another wave of displeasure rippled over me. My cheeks reddened at my own thoughts and I had to turn my gaze towards my lap. I heard Tom walk over to me and reached his hand reached out to pull my head towards his.

“That’s the second time you looked disgruntled tonight. What’s wrong?” he asked. I debated in my head for a second, but ultimately decided I’d feel better if I put it out there.

“I was thinking earlier today about… something. It’s a little far-fetched, but I figure it’s worth talking about,” I said, eying Tom curiously.

“Darling, you know you can talk to me about anything,” he said.

“I know I can. But this is kind of… different, so I just wanted to approach this the right way,” I explained. His eyebrows knitted in confusion, but he allowed me to continue. “We spend pretty much all of our time together, and its just so inconvenient being separated by all of our stuff. So I figured if we got a place together, it would be easier. I know that every opportunity I have to be near you, I want to take, and it seems unnecessary to have two different places when the others are almost always never being used. But I recognize that we’ve only been dating for a few months and that we’re both going to be away for a while. So, if this is too far, too fast, I completely understand. It’s just that we’ve already somewhat talked about our future together, so I figured this would be a step in the right direction,” I finished.

I looked at Tom, eyes wide while listening to me, and felt a sense of dread when he didn’t respond immediately. “Unless you don’t want to move in that direction at all…” I said, getting worried. What if his fantasies of our lives together were just pillow talk after mind-numbing orgasms? Did I really read this that wrong? He moved from behind the counter to directly in front of me and took my hands in his.

“[Y/N], I think getting a place together is a marvelous idea. In fact, the only reason I didn’t bring it up myself, is because I was afraid you’d think I was moving too quickly. Love, I want everything I imagined about our future to come true, never doubt that. But I want it to come at our own pace. I never want you to feel like I’m pressuring you into something you’re not ready for. We do this how we want to; our lives are ours to control,” Tom said. My heart swelled with love, so uncontainable that I grabbed his neck and pulled his lips to mine. We kissed, softly and lovingly for a few moments before I pulled away to look at him once more.

“I love you, Tom,” I breathed. He placed a quick kiss on my lips before saying

“I love you, too.” The buzzer on the oven went off again and he pulled away from my embrace to fetch whatever was in there.

Tom pulled out another dish that smelled heavenly and turned to me to say, “Dinner is served!”

-

Gentle rain tapping on the window pulled me back into consciousness. I hadn’t really slept all night, only coming to the cusp of sleep a few times before being pulled back into reality. I nuzzled my face into Tom’s wide back. My arms were wrapped around him tightly and our legs were intertwined. I was the ‘big spoon’ for the evening, and I loved it. He soft snoring halted when I started pressing lazy kisses between his shoulder blades and up to the base of his neck. His hands fanned across my arms and pulled them tighter to his chest.

“Good morning,” I mumbled against his skin. He gave me a grunt of acknowledgment. Despite our warm embrace, I was covered in sadness. Tom would be boarding a plane in a few hours, and it would be eight weeks until I saw him again. _Eight whole weeks_. Seven of those I’d be shooting a movie, not in London, but it was still making my heart heavy.

I wanted to sob into Tom, let him hold me and reassure me that we’d be okay, but I didn’t want to make it hard on him. He stirred against me and turned over to face me, wrapping his arms around my naked body and pulling me close to him. Our various lovemaking sessions through the night made clothes an unnecessary roadblock, so we never really wore them. I inhaled the scent of him while tracing my hands on his well-defined abs. His hand was gently tracing my cheek, and the other was playing with my hair.

Between us, I felt his half-hard manhood resting on my leg. I trailed my fingers down to him, letting my fingers ghost along with his shaft while he let out a groan. I chuckled a little before hitching my leg around his waist and putting my fingers between my thighs. Our late-night lovemaking also meant that we didn’t ‘clean up’ often, so some of his essences still lingered between my folds. I rubbed my fingers out across my clit before dipping one inside of me. I used the wetness as a lubricant and brought my hand back to his almost fully erect cock now.

I was gasping a little and he pressed open mouth kisses to my forehead. I stroked him to attention and rolled us over so that I was straddling him. I gripped him and pressed his tip to my core, letting some more wetness slide down. He moaned my name and I let my head roll back in pleasure. I slowly guided him into me, using every bit of self-restraint to keep from letting him fill me all the way immediately. Once he was in me, I lowered the top-half of my body so that I could kiss him. His eyes were still partially closed with sleep and pleasure, but he still looked like a god. I moved back up and slowly began moving up and down. It was slow and lazy, but it’s what I wanted. His hands came up to knead my breast and I used one of my hands to flick the bundle of nerves. The closer I approached orgasm, the faster I got. I didn’t realize how fast I was until Tom’s hands moved to my waist and held me to him as his hips bucked into me. I felt his cum spurt into me as he let out a string of moans and gasps. Once he let go of my waist, I kept riding him, and he brought his fingers to where mine had been. It only took him a few more seconds to bring me to my orgasm.

I laid on top of Tom, his cock still inside of me, and caught my breath. We kissed, unhurriedly but passionately for a while before his alarm went off, telling us it was time for him to get ready. I whimpered into the kiss, and rested my forehead on his, keeping my eyes closed because I knew one look into his baby-blues would have me crying.

“What time do you have to leave?” I asked, my voice breaking a little.

“I need to be at the airport in an hour,” he said. I sat back and nodded, finally opening my eyes. He rolled us over and pressed a few kisses up my shoulder before leaving the bed and heading towards the shower. I wrapped the blankets around me, getting cold without the warmth Tom’s body produces. I hugged his pillow, inhaling his scent once more. A few minutes after I heard the shower start, I moved to the sink to clean up a bit. The reflection in the mirror almost surprised me. My hair was tousled, my eyes and cheeks puffy, and a frown I didn’t even realize was displayed on my face. I brushed my hair and teeth and cleaned up a bit before slipping on some underwear and one of Tom’s sweatshirts and crawling back into bed. The water turned off soon after, and I could hear Tom drying off. He went through his normal routine, and eventually ended up perfectly dressed perched in front of me.

My pitiful reflection in the mirror was nothing compared to the sadness his face held now. I pulled myself to the edge of the bed and he dropped to his knees in front of me. He ran a few fingers through my hair before tucking it behind my ear.

“Only a few weeks,” Tom started, “then we’ll be back in London looking for our new home.” We both smiled at the notion, but it did little to relieve the heaviness in my heart currently.

“We can do this. We’ve done worse,” I tried to convince myself. His hands cupped my cheeks and began deeply kissing me. I melted into him putting my arms around his neck in encouragement. He broke away after a few minutes and pulled me into a tight hug. I felt one tear fall from my eye and used all my might not to let any more fall.

“My key is on the counter. Take it so you can come over when you miss me too much,” Tom said. He pulled back to look at me one last time.

“I love you,” I whispered.

“I love you,” he replied. One last kiss before he got up to leave. He glanced back at me one last time, giving me a reassuring smile that I couldn’t reciprocate, and headed out the door.


	10. Chapter 10: Just 'Being Nice'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s the next chapter, lovies. A little Valentines Day gift to get ya through the rest of the week! I’ve been thinking about instead of using [Y/N] in the story, actually giving her a name. I’ve had a name in my head for the past few chapters, but I didn’t know how everyone would feel about it, so let me know if you’d like me to put in a real name, or if you want me to keep it the same. Happy Valentines Day!

The slapping of my feet on the tiled floor was the only sound that filled my trailer. I was pacing back and forth in the small space waiting to hear my phone ring and alert me at Tom was calling. The time difference made it difficult to catch one another without either of us being asleep. I knew how precious sleep was during long days of shooting, and the last thing I wanted to do on his birthday was wake him up too early. My makeup and hair were still done from today's scenes, but I had changed into sweats when I was done for the day. I stopped to look at myself in the mirror; my expression was neutral, but my entire body was vibrating with anticipation.

I missed Tom so much and I felt horrible about missing his birthday. I had prepared various assortments of gifts to be brought to Tom through the previous week and through the day. A new watch was delivered Monday, along with four new ties. Tuesday he got six books and an ornately personalized bookmark. Wednesday I sent him a box of 20 chocolates from his favorite chocolate shop. Yesterday he got a framed picture of us with a coffee mug I made and painted for him in my pottery class. He had three more gifts coming today, so he'd have 37 gifts in total.

My phone's ringtone went off and I instantly went to answer his call before it got through one full ring.

"Happy birthday babe!" I shouted. He chuckled, still sleepy, and I could tell he was still in bed.

"Thank you, darling," He said.

"How does it feel to officially be in your late 30s?" I joked.

"Not at all bad. Luckily I've got a hot, young girlfriend who spoils me rotten. I'm not sure I deserve her, but I'm extraordinarily glad to be dating her," he said, and I could hear the smile in his voice.

"I'll bet anything that she feels even luckier to be dating you," I said, trying not to sound too sappy. "Oh! Before I forget," I started, "you should have received something this morning. Check outside your door." I heard him mumble something like ‘oh goodness' while he stumbled out of bed, no doubt having to pull on some sweatpants in the process. I had called the hotel and asked them to prepare his favorite breakfast and put every pastry and kind of coffee they had on a cart to be delivered to his room. I heard him open the door and let out a deep sigh.

"You really spoil me rotten. Thank you love!" He said, and I grinned at my accomplishment.

"You deserve it. I wanted to give you everything you needed to make your birthday special," I said.

Tom paused for a moment before responding. "I wish you could be here. Or I there with you. I miss you so much, [Y/N]," He said. As much as I agreed with him and wanted to indulge in our sadness that we were apart, I didn't want him to spend his birthday feeling depressed.

"I wish we could be together too. But as fate would have it, there are only 37 days until we'll be together again!" I tried to sound chipper, but I'm not sure I even convinced myself.

"That is quite ironic," He laughed a little.

"Well, why don't you enjoy your breakfast and give me a call once you're headed to set, alright?" I asked.

"Sure darling. Thank you, again. I really don't know what I did to deserve you," He said, making my heart flutter.

"Funny, I think the same thing all the time. I love you," I replied and he did the same. I slumped back down into my chair and allowed myself a few deep breaths. The few weeks we've spent apart so far we're torture and my ability to maintain a positive attitude about it was fading fast. I pushed those thoughts from my mind and went about my evening, hoping the other surprises went as well as his breakfast.

-

True to his word, Tom had called me once he got to set and I had just made it back to my hotel. He called me during lunch to wish me goodnight and to thank me profusely for his second gift of the day, a big poster with nice messages from his family and friends. I also may have sent him so pictures of me in some frilly lingerie, but that was just a bonus. His last gift was a (very long) handwritten letter from me that I took two weeks to write. Something about old-timey romantic gestures made me happy, so I assumed he would enjoy them as well. I also included a few pictures of houses that we should look at once he returned. The idea of us definitively starting our future together made my heart swell and I hoped it would do the same for him. The peace I felt when I went to sleep was very different from how I woke up.

The shrill ring of my phone, what I had longed for earlier, scared me straight away. When I realized who it was, I got even more panicked.

"Tom? Is everything okay?" I asked. On the other end of the phone was loud music pumping and various voices mixed together. A drunken chuckle from Tom made me relax.

"Darling… you're never going to believe this but…. They threw me a party! For my birthday! Isn't that incredible!" His slurred words and long pauses made me laugh.

"Well, that is normally what happens on birthdays. Where are you?" I asked. I heard him say ‘ughhhhh' before asking around to other people (presumably just as drunk as Tom was), but no one could quite come up with an answer.

"Oh hell, I don't know," he laughed and I laughed with him. "I just wanted to call and say you're literally the best girlfriend in the world. I mean, you're so far away but you've managed to celebrate my birthday all week! That's insane! And you're so hot! Like, it's fucking ridiculous how hot you are. Do you have any idea how man people ask me if you're single because they would kill for one night with you? Everyone I know has! And you don't go out with them because you're going out with me! I get to make love to you any fucking time I want and it is literally the best thing in the world. Ugh, babe, I just -I just love you so much," To rambled on. I couldn't control my laughter anymore; Tom's drunken rambling was so funny. What I wouldn't give to be there to see that!

"I love you too babe." I said through fits of laughter. He was laughing too, but trying to remain serious.

"Don't laugh at my love! I'm serious! You're the best. It's going to be so awesome once we get married. I don't think I'll be able to let you out of my sight after we are. Darling I'd get married tomorrow if that meant I'd be able to see you again," The fits of laughter died down, and now he sounded sad.

"Tom, we'll see each other again soon! Don't think about that, just enjoy your party and please get home safe!" I said. He sighed heavily, but it did calm him down.

"Okay, okay. I love you, so so so much," He said.

"I love you too, babe," I said and hung up the phone. I pressed it against my chest and held my eyes shut for a few moments. _Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry_. Even drunk as a skunk, Tom missed me and called me to tell me he loves me. I really did get lucky.

-

_9:28 a.m.: Are you really daring Tom Hiddleston?_

_9:43 a.m.: omg Tom got so drunk last night and said you guys were dating, is that true?_

_9:51 a.m.: so you and Tom are a thing, huh?_

_10:01 a.m.: Ughhhh, so when were you going to tell us that ur dating Hiddles? I figured something was going on between you two, but is it serious?_

_10:06 a.m.: You may want to check Twitter really fast. I'm pretty sure Tom just announced you're together._

60+ messages were pouring into my phone, all versions of the same questions. I had tried to respond to a few, but my phone was so overwhelmed that it couldn't even process what was happening. Eventually it just shut off. I was sitting in the makeup chair, Elaina working on my face and staying too quiet. I looked up at her with pleading eyes.

"Please tell me this isn't going to be a big deal and no one is really going to care," I whined.

"Oh, I don't realize you paid me to lie to your face," she said sarcastically. I groaned and let my head drop.

"Do you even know what happened? I haven't been able to go on my phone to see what Tom said," I told her. She reached for her phone and handed it to me. It was already on an article published not even 3 hours ago. The first thing that popped up was a video of Tom holding a microphone and giving a speech.

_"I just wanted to thank everyone that came out tonight. You are all truly the most incredible group of people on earth. Your love means the world to me. Oh goodness, I have so many people I want to thank. This year has been so amazing! I've met so many more wonderful friends and done some amazing work. I've met the absolute love of my life, [Y/N], who has made my birthday so amazing. She's halfway around the world right now, and I miss her with all my heart, and she's just the best! To all my friends a family, thank you so much for this great year and here's to great 37th year! Cheers!"_

 

 I gave her back her phone and dropped my head into my hands.

"On a scale of one to ten, how screwed do you think I am?" I asked, not looking up.

"37," she chuckled. A tap on my door tore me from my pit of misery and alerted me that I was being called to set. I groaned once more and Elaina patted my shoulder.

"Look, I'm sure it will be fine! It's not like you're the one who blathered about it. Plus, we're already a third of the way into filming, they can't fire you know," she said. I tried to let her words reassure me, but my gut was telling me otherwise.

I slowly walked to set, running every possible scenario run through my mind. _The studio said they wanted me to keep quite leading up to the shooting, which I did. If Tom and I had gone public with our relationship anytime after this, the media would be all over us about it at the premiere. It's really for the best that it came out now, right. My mind was going a million miles a minute and I suddenly found myself in the middle of the set._ Everyone was acting… normal. Normal for a movie set anyway. PA's were running around getting this setup, the props department was fixing and readjusting something, and my director was going over some footage they already shot. I narrowed my eyes and look around at everyone. Had the news not reached them yet? I mean it had only been a few hours; it's not completely inconceivable that everyone else hadn't heard about Tom's speech. I let out a deep breath that I hadn't realized I was holding in and went to find a cup of coffee. Henry was casually standing about, going over some of his lines, so I walked over to him and observed the organized chaos around us.

"So, you're officially taken, it seems," Henry says, quite casually and not even bothering to look up. I choke on some coffee that hadn't made it down my throat.

"How did you – um- how did you find out?" I asked, trying to stay calm. So, everyone did know?

"News travels quickly these days. I take it, the announcement itself wasn't… preplanned?" He asked, cocking his eyebrow to me.

"No. I was just as surprised as everyone else. We'd agreed to keep it on the down low for a while, but I guess that's been shot to hell now." I said.

"Why be sneaky about it? He called you ‘the love of his life'? You must have been dating for quite a while." Henry said. I couldn't hide the worried expression that took over my face as I glanced at our director, James. His words sounded in the back of my mind, making the hair on the back of my neck stand up. ‘ _Try not to give_ _them anything to write about'_. 

"I was warned, somewhat, by the studio, to stay off the radar. I knew dating him meant attention, so we kept it to ourselves. We didn't even tell most of our friends. You don't think the studio will be mad, do you?" I said, glancing back up at Henry.

"Oh goodness yes," he said, making my heart drop, "but they really can't do anything, can they? It's your life, [Y/N], you can't live solely by their rules."

I pursed my lips and let Henry's words run through my head. He was right; I couldn't let the studio dictate my relationship with Tom forever. People were bound to find out at some point, I mean, we were looking for houses together. But it was nice, having this sweet little bubble of our world available. Like having a private oasis that only Tom and I knew about. I sighed and slumped back against the wall, and heard Henry laugh at me.

"I never really pictured Tom as the one you'd go for," He said, humorously. I gave him a quizzical look.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked.

Henry just shrugged; "You're both so… intensely formal. I figured you'd end up with someone who was a bit more laid back, to even you out," Henry explained. I scoffed at him.

"'Intensely formal'? I don't even know what that means! I've very laid back. Well, I can be. I'm just not right now, for obvious reasons," I defended. He laughed at me, making me frown.

"No, you're not. You're damn near perfection, but laid-back is not a trait you possess," Henry grinned at me. His somewhat backhanded compliment made blush, and I wasn't quite sure what to say. Luckily, my speechlessness was cut off by the sound of our director telling everyone to get in position.

-

A whole day of shooting and the only person who I knew for sure knew was Henry. He was professional as ever and didn't bring it up for the rest of the day. I thought I was in the clear when it had reached nearly seven in the evening and I hadn't had anyone else bring up anything about Tom. I was just starting to breathe normally again when I heard James call me back to his trailer.

"[Y/N], can you come here for a minute?" he asked. I glanced back at Henry, worry covering my face.

He smiled and patted my shoulder; "It'll be fine," he said, "you're too hot for them to fire." His reassuring words did little to comfort me. I walked back into the trailer to see James sitting at his desk, reading over something on his computer.

"You're boyfriend has a funny way of announcing your relationship to the world. Don't get me wrong, it's not the worst one I've seen, but my god, it's pretty messy," he said, reading over an article intently. I swallowed thickly before letting my mouth run wild.

"I'm really sorry. I took what you said to me very seriously and so we kept our relationship under wraps. We were on the same page about it, but drunkenness makes it difficult for anyone to hold their tongue. I'm really, really sorry. I know you didn't want any bad press going out right now, but I just don't know how to contain this. He means so much to me and keeping it locked up as we had just taken its toll on us, and I don't want to hurt him further than I already have. I love him so much, and I can't lie about this make him look like an idiot right now. He deserves better than-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa… it's alright, [Y/N], calm down," James said, getting up and gently holding my arms.

My little speech had a larger effect on me than I intended, and I could feel some tears escape my eyes. I sniffled a little while looking at an unusually calm and slightly amused James. "Darling, you really don't need to worry so much. I'm happy you're dating Tom Hiddleston," He said. My eyebrows furrowed together as I look at him incuriously.

"What?" I asked, and he just chuckled slightly.

"The studio and I didn't want you in the press, but this is excellent! You're dating one of Hollywood's biggest heartthrobs! It's so juicy; everyone will be talking about it. Hell, everyone has started talking about it. This is great for your exposure. He is defiantly the right choice for this," James said, patting my shoulders. I was stuck in shock. My body couldn't move and the confused expression on my face might never truly leave it.

"So you're not mad? But you said-"

"I know what I said, but this is so much better! The publicity you'll get from this is crazy!" He exclaimed. I took a few deep breaths and tried to gather my thoughts before I spoke again. He seems excited that I was dating Tom, but for all the wrong reasons.

"I'm not with him for publicity. We love each other," I stated, attempting to sound assertive but my voice was still frail.

James chuckled lightly at me, "You can't be serious, [Y/N]. He's all wrong for you. Plus, he has quite a few demons in the closet. You really don't want to have to deal with that," James was flat out ignoring me at this point, texting something while speaking to me.

"What is it with people on this film thinking he's wrong for me? And he's not ‘all wrong' for me. Don't think for one second I'm with Tom for any other reason than I love him. I won't drag him into a press scheme just to sell more tickets," I nearly yelled at him.

The motionless state my body was in moments ago was completely dissolved off. My body was shaking with rage. How dare he believe I was with Tom for something other than love? I was initially worried that all this hiding and worry had been for nothing, but I now know what I was protecting our relationship from; the greedy people of Hollywood. Our undercover nights and publically disassociating from one another was for the good of our relationship and the good of everyone else. As much as I had wanted to go public with our relationship earlier on, I wish I could put the cat back into the bag. Our relationship was no longer this quaint, pure secret, but it was susceptible to insane, attention whore individuals like James. I felt disgusted to even be in his presence.

"Okay, fine, I get it. Calm down," He said, putting his hands up in surrender. I backed off a bit, noticing I was inching him towards a wall, even with my petite frame.

"My relationship is mine to do with as I please. I won't be dragging Tom into this just to please you, or any other attention-hungry studio head who believes I should exploit my relationship for this film," I huffed. I glanced once more at James, who had finally given me his undivided attention. He had a wide-eyed, deer caught in the headlights look to him, but I didn't let it soften. I quickly marched out of the trailer, ignoring the stares of PA's who no doubt heard the conversation. I was blinded by rage until I got to my trailer and slammed it shut.

I slumped against a seat and stared into the mirror. I bet I'd feel better if Tom were here. It then dawned on me that I hadn't talked to the only other person this really mattered too. I pressed the power button on my long-forgotten phone, hoping enough time had passed for people to stop messaging me. When I was finally able to get it back on, I had over 1,000 texts and calls waiting for me. 28 of them were from Tom. I smiled a little before deciding to call him first. He picked up on the first ring.

"[Y/N], is that you?" He asked, breathlessly. I chuckled a little.

"Yes, it's me, Tom. How are you feeling?" I asked.

"I –um- I feel dead, to be honest. My head is filled with concrete. How are you?" he asked delicately.

"I'm fine, I think. I haven't really processed everything," I tell him, truthfully.

"Darling, I'm so incredibly sorry. Words cannot even begin to express how sorry I am. I know you wanted to keep it between us for now, and I truly am so sorry. I would never intentionally do anything to jeopardize what we have, you have to know that," Tom said. The sincerity in his voice made me clutch at my chest.

"Of course I know that. And, don't be sorry about telling everyone. I'm sorry that I made you hide it. I never want you to think I'd do anything to distance you from me. What we have is genuine, and I wouldn't jeopardize that either," I said, feeling tears well up.

"Oh darling…" he cooed, and the floodgates opened. I held the phone tightly in my hand as I slid down the wall, sobbing.

"I love you so much Tom, and it hurts, physically hurts, that you're not here. I miss you so much. You're the only one in the world that can make me feel better about all this, and you're so far from me. The worst part is, they didn't even care! They didn't care that I love you, truly love you. They just wanted me to be with you for the publicity. You're more than that to me; you have to know that. You mean everything to me, Tom. Please don't think I'm using you. It might kill me if you did," sobbed, letting the words just fall from my mouth.

He was shushing me through the phone while I quietly cried, wishing his I was in his warmth instead of the cold emptiness in surrounded me.

“Darling, I know you love me, trust me. I love you too. It's killing me to not be there for you. But, just like you said, we'll be together soon.,." He said, trying to calm me. It took a little while to calm down, but Tom was with me the whole time. I groaned and held my head in my hands.

“I was going to be the one who kept a strong façade until we were together again. I guess that’s all been shot to hell now, hasn’t it?” I said, with a little bit of humor in my voice.

“You’re still the strong one. Always have been,” he said, and I could practically hear his smile.

“By the way, don’t think you’re off the hook, mister. I’m mad as hell at you for finally getting shit-faced drunk and me not being there! I’m extremely offended!” I said. He chuckled at me.

“I swear I’ll make it up to you soon. We’ll spend an evening getting drunk off our asses the next opportunity we get,” he said, making me laugh.

“Deal, but I have to warn you, I’m a very grabby drunk. There’s a good chance I won’t be able to keep my hands off of you,” I said.

“So you won’t be any different than when you’re sober?” he asked, sarcastically.

“Hey!” I retorted.

“Don’t worry, darling. I’ll never turn away being grabbed by you,” He said. I smiled and sighed deeply, and glanced at the clock.

“I should be heading home soon. What time is it there?” I asked, glancing at the clock.

“Nearing five in the morning, I should probably head to the gym anyways…” He yawned, and realization washed over me.

“I woke you up, didn’t I?” I asked, feeling a bit guilty.

“Yeah, but hearing your voice was worth it,” Tom said sweetly.

“Why don’t you get some more sleep and call me a bit later, alright?” I said, yawning myself.

“Okay. I love you, [Y/N]. And I know, wholeheartedly that you’re not with me for the wrong reasons. I’ve never doubted that your love was genuine, as I hope you never do mine,” he said.

“I’m glad. I love you too Tom. Now get some rest.”

-

A few days had gone by and the media frenzy hadn’t calmed down. Once it was put out on the major entertainment news sites that Tom and I were a thing, paparazzi were overflowing on every corner to try and get a picture of us. Whatever sense of anonymity I had was squashed and unlikely to ever return. However, it gave me even more of a reason to focus on work instead. I blocked out the conversation with James, and he never brought it up with me. I could tell that the newfound attention given to me pleased him, but I tried not to let it bother me.

I was like a machine for a few days afterward; any ounce of attention I had gone into the film; what scenes we were doing, what I was supposed to be feeling, everything that it meant to be an actor. Tom did the same, and therefore our communication was pretty limited. I didn’t like that we weren’t able to talk as much, especially after the cat was out of the bag, but our sanity depended on getting through these next few weeks before we’d be together again. Our mutual laser focus had made me forget all about Valentines Day. It wasn’t until the morning of that I realized what day it was, and it only dawned on me when I found a boutique of roses waiting for me that morning.

I quickly snapped a photo of me beside them (they were too large to hold) and sent it to Tom. I captioned it: _‘they’re so lovely! Thanks, babe. Happy Valentines day xx’_ and waited for his reply. _‘They’re not nearly as lovely as you. Wish I could be with you to celebrate properly ;)’_ he wrote. I blushed a little and felt a surge of lust in me. Tom and I hadn’t been apart that long, but sex was such a big part of our relationship, and it going without was messing with my head.

I shook my depraved sexual desire from my mind and tried to go about my day without thinking about how much I missed Tom. It was even more enhanced around us since we were currently shooting in Paris. Something about seeing everyone in their happy relationships angered me.

I wasn’t usually bitter about Valentines Day, even when I was single, but I envied every couple I saw today. Handholding, quick kisses when they thought no one was looking, the looks of lust from across the room; it made me slightly nauseous. The only relief I had from the gooey love all around me was the singles (who seemed to be running in short supply). By the time I got to set, I was a little grumpy and couldn’t hide my sneers at those lovey-dovey couples around us. Henry, my saving grace, was currently single, so I figured I could talk to him for more than five minutes without wanting to rip his head off.

“Any big plans tonight?” I asked while we reviewed our script.

Henry shook his head, “Not at the moment. You?” He questioned.

“Skype date with Tom. Though it is more like a lunch for him. The time difference is killing me,” I admitted.

“At least you have a significant other to share it with. Us singles are at our peak loneliness this time of year,” he said, feigning a hurt heart by putting his hands on his chest. I rolled my eyes at him.

“If you’re single, it’s because you made that decision for yourself. A guy like you could get any girl he wanted. You really only have yourself to blame if you spend tonight alone,” I said.

“I do have standards, you know. I’m not just going to bed the first single girl I lay eyes on,” He says, gruffly. I laughed a little at him.

“Oh, please! Standards aren’t the problem. We’re on a movie set surrounded by supremely qualified individuals, Henry. You choose not to be with any one of them. I’m willing to bet that half the PA’s here, all very qualified and dedicated, would kill to spend Valentines with you,” I said.

He just gave me a cocky grin, “I usually go for the leading lady.” The way he looked at me while saying that put me on edge and made me blush profusely.

“Well then you’re going to be disappointed,” I managed to say. Now he was the one laughing at me.

“I truly am, darling,” he didn’t take his eyes off of me; I could only assume he liked seeing me this uncomfortable. A long lost memory of what Emma had once said to me resurfaced in my mind; _“I still can't get over how you thought Henry Cavill was just 'being nice' when he sent over flowers after meeting you.”_ I shuddered at the memory. Thankfully, James called us to places and our conversation was abandoned.

-

Exhausted didn’t even begin to describe what I was feeling. My entire body was sore after a full day of shooting action sequences, and there wasn’t a place on my skin that wasn’t tainted by bruises. Everyone had tomorrow off, and thank God for that. I collapsed into my bed before glancing at the clock; nearly 9 p.m., only one hour until Tom was supposed to call me for our Skype date. I forced every muscle in my body to comply with me and pull myself up to get into the shower. I’d be damned if I looked as messy as I did right now on Tom and mine’s first Valentines together. Plus, a hot shower was just the thing my body needed to relax the tense muscles that had been clenched all day.

I took my time washing my hair and face, massaging every sore muscle in my legs and arms, and rubbing my lotion all over once I dried off. I dried my hair to make it nice and fluffy, even threw on some makeup to make this feel like a more official date. I tossed on a form-fitting shirt that showed off my cleavage and some leggings, it was through Skype after all. I opened my laptop three minutes to 10 and waited for Tom to call me. I texted him to let him know I was ready, but he didn’t respond.

After a few minutes, I decided to call him, but he didn’t pick that up either. Oh no, what if he forgot? Surely he didn’t, it was Valentines Day! We’d agreed on what to do last night, he was the one who came up with the idea in the first place! I started to panic slightly when a knock on my door broke my concentration.

I glanced at it confused; it was well past the appropriate time for someone to be here. I glanced at my phone one last time, to see if Tom had responded, but there were no new notifications. I sighed and got up to open the door. I tried to look through the peephole to see if it was some hotel staff or another co-star, but it was blocked. I tentatively opened the door, not sure of what was waiting for me on the other side, and my jaw nearly hit the floor. Standing in the hallway with a large teddy bear, heart-shaped box of chocolates, and the cutest grin was Tom.

_“Surprise_ _!”_


	11. Chapter 11: Not to Tarnish Its Beauty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, this is a little late… my bad. Life has been super hectic, but I graduated college so yay! This doesn’t contain much smut (though there is a bit), cuz it’s mostly fluffy romance. Tom’s hair has me feelin’ some type of way for a while now, so be prepared for the next chapter to be all about that lol. As always, thank you so much for your continued support in reading this story. I’ve gotten some really sweet messages that truly make me happier than words can describe, so thank you all so much for that. Please let me know what you guys think!

I jumped into Tom's arms; ignoring how he ungracefully dropped the stuff he was carrying. He had clearly been working out; his chest was hard and wide and his arms were thicker than I remembered. I clutched his chest close to me and wrapped my legs around his waist.

"You're here, really here," I said, breathing in his scent. I felt his bearded chin nuzzle into the side of my face, and him placing gentle kisses on my cheek. I pulled back a bit to look at him, my eyes glassy, and run my hand through his beard.

"I had to come see you. I was going mad, especially after my drunken night of revelations. Seeing you over Skype and hearing your voice on the phone is great, but feeling you with my own hands is infinitely better," Tom said, gently letting me down to the floor.

"But, how did you have the time to-"

"I made time. I'll always make time for you," He said, placing both hands over my cheeks. My smile grew, and so did his before he leaned down to kiss me. It was hot and intense, feeling his lips move along with mine after so long without it. I wrapped my fingers in his longer hair and groaned at the feeling.

"God, love your hair like this," I groaned against his lips. I felt him smirk, but he didn't cease his movement. He was mauling my neck, pressing me against the wall outside of my suite. I hiked my leg around his him, and Tom held onto it and pulled it higher. His hips ground into mine and I felt myself get dizzy with anticipation.

"You know," I said while Tom kissed at the base of my neck, "there's a very large and private bed inside, if you want to get comfortable in there." In lieu of a verbal response, Tom hiked my entire body up, holding me, and walked me into the room before dropping me onto the bed. His lips found mine again, but something else crossed my mind. "My presents!" I shouted, which muffled against his lips.

"I'll get you more," He said, obviously consumed solely with getting me undressed. I whined in protest.

"I want those..." I said, tugging his hair. His head dropped to my shoulder and he grunted before quickly spinning around, getting the bear and chocolates from the hallway and slamming the door shut once more.

"May I properly ravish you now?" Tom asked, a slight hint of amusement and pain in his voice. I scooted up further onto the bed.

"Do your worst."

-

I awoke to soft snoring and the rhythmic rise and fall of a chest underneath me. I inhaled Tom's bare skin for what seemed like the millionth time in the last 12 hours, desperately trying to commit it to memory. I glanced at the clock to see 8:43 a.m. flashing, before looking up at Tom's peaceful sleeping face. He was getting so pale, his hair turning back to its natural ginger; that boy needs to see the sun more often. I shifted around a bit, not wanting to disturb our moment of serenity, but tried to climb up further onto Tom so I could kiss him. My hands played with his hair while I placed love bites on his neck. I felt him nuzzle into me, making his coarse beginning of a beard tickle my skin. I lifted my lips to his; eyes still closed, and licked his bottom lip for entrance. His tongue swirled with mine and I felt him grasp my hips. My core was still wet and slick from our multiple couplings last night, and I ground into him, feeling his erection come to life. One of his hands came up to kneed my breast and tweak my nipple, and his mouth never once faltered while on mine.

            I trailed one of my hands down between us to pump his cock a few times, almost getting embarrassed when I realized just how wet I was. I moaned into his mouth as I lifted my hips and guided him into me. His hand gripped me tighter as my head dropped to the side to catch my breath.

“I love having you… inside of me…” I breathed into the shell of his ear. He groaned and began bucking into me. I sat back, balancing on his chest and began moving up and down. His eyes were only slightly open, staring at me as I threw my head back in ecstasy. His hands grabbed at mine and he intertwined our fingers together. We moved slowly, relishing in the feel every stroke and soft touch. I leaned back down over him, so that I could kiss him as deeply as possible. I gasped as I came, rubbing my clit on the coarse and wiry hair at the base of his cock. He pumped himself into me a few more times before releasing into me. His cum felt hot and fulfilling, and I nearly passed out on top of Tom.

“I miss waking up like that,” he whispered into my ear. I smiled while still breathing heavily and chuckled a bit.

“Soon we’ll be able to wake up like this all the time,” I said. Tom rubbed his large, warm hands in soothing circles on my back.

“Indeed my love, we will. Soon,” He said, staring down at me. My smile faded a bit when a realization came over me.

“How long do you have here?” I asked, propping myself on my elbow to look at him.

“Today and tonight. I leave early tomorrow morning,” Tom said, sadness in his eye.

“How’s shooting going?” I asked, trying to get off the subject of him leaving.

“Well enough. The script isn’t as fully formed as I initially thought. I like it though; the producers actually listen to me, and the rest of us, when we want to make changes. I miss being a producer. I might have to try it out again soon,” A proud smile replaced the sadness that had washed over him. I let out a wide grin; I loved seeing such passion out of Tom. He was truly made to be an actor.

“I’m glad. But not _too_ soon. We’re finally getting some time off in a couple weeks, remember?” I asked. Tom chuckled and rolled on top of me, brushing some hair out of my face.

“If this morning is any inclination as to what awaits me in our time off together, you better believe I will _never_ forget it.”

 

            We showered and dressed quickly, and began eating breakfast in the small sitting area of my room. I was buttering a croissant when Tom asked me about a subject I’d nearly forgotten.

“Are you truly not mad at me for the way I announced our relationship. I know you’ve said you’re not, but I need you to be honest with me. It’s okay if you’re mad; to be honest, I’m a little mad at myself. I shouldn’t have let something as big as that slip,” he said.  I took a bit of my croissant before responding, wanting to choose my words carefully.

“I’m not mad; the only thing I’m mad about was that _so_ many people got to see your fun, drunk side and I still haven’t. But in all seriousness, I’m not. It was bound to come out at some point, and the timing wasn’t ideal, but I doubt there would ever be an ideal time. If anything, I’m mad at myself. I feel bad for forcing you to hold it in for so long. If I had known that the sense of relief that overcame me when I found out, I would have never asked you to hide it. I want us to be a team, not just to each other, but also in the eyes of the world. Our lives are our own, and giving the power over to everybody else to dictate how our relationship should go isn’t something I want to do anymore. I want to be with you; I think I have from the moment I met you. I’m glad we don’t have to hide anymore. No matter the circumstance, I think what happened was for the best,” I said. We were sitting so close to each other I had to crane my neck up to look at him. He was contemplative, taking into consideration ever word I said.  I small, tender smile started on his lips, and I could have cried because of how happy it made me.

“You really are something different all together. I love you,” Tom said. I reached up and placed a tender kiss on his lips, with he returned with the same kind of love. It wasn’t the normal, heated kiss that ended with each other tangled in the sheets, but the kind of kiss that reassured intimacy in other forms.

“I love you too,” I said once we pulled apart, “but we’re in one of the most romantic cities in the world on valentines weekend. We should explore a bit before coming back here and fucking each other senseless.”

Tom’s eyebrows rose up at me. “Or we could just skip the exploring and go straight to the senseless fucking?” He gave me a cocky grin. I pouted and looked up at him through my lashes. He rolled his eyes and sighed, giving me a small smile of amusement. “Or we could do whatever you want to.” I smiled, grabbed his face and pulled him into a sweet kiss.

“ _Good choice_.”

-

Paris was always beautiful, but it was even more beautiful being there with someone you love. Tom had been giving me lessons in French all day, trying to improve my very broken understanding of the language. But the way he was able to so flawlessly fit in to those around him never ceased to amaze me.

“I’ve worked here a lot. We came to France quite a bit as children and spent most of our holidays here. That’s really only why I know it so well,” Tom said, as we walked down the street.

“It is quite beautiful here; have you ever considered moving here?” I asked. Tom took a moment before responding, holding my hand a little closer and rubbing his thumb in circles on the back of it.

“Not really. Sometimes the beauty of a place can only remain if you keep it at a distance. I’m not sure I would like it the same way if I lived here,” He finally said.

“That’s very poetic,” I started, “keeping something at a distance so not to tarnish it’s beauty.” Tom shrugged

“Would you ever move here?” He asked me.

“No!” I responded much quicker than I should have. “I mean, I love London too much. Plus we’re away so often, that having another place to try to be together would just be too much,” I corrected. Tom chuckled a bit at me.

“Well, if you’re not here then I certainly would have no reason to be,” Tom said. He stopped us and pressed a sweet kiss onto my cheek. I blushed at such a public display of affection, especially after hiding it for so long. As I looked up at him when he pulled away, I realized there wasn’t any reason to hide, and let myself do what I’ve wanted to do for so long now. I threw my arms around his neck, pulling him back down for a deeper kiss. Our mouths moved in sync, and he grabbed my cheek with his large hand. I always hated couples who made such a spectacle of their relationship, but now I realized what I’d been missing out on. Kissing Tom so publically felt so freeing; as if I was finally saying ‘ _He’s mine! We’re together! And we can make out whenever we want because he’s mine_!’

            I was the first to pull away from the kiss, but I pressed a few short ones as I pulled away. I looked up at him to see a flushed, boyish grin on his face, and my deep red lipstick smothered along his mouth.

“Sorry, I guess I got caught up,” I said biting my lip and using my thumb to get some of the lipstick off.

“I’m not sorry at all. I’m glad we finally get to do this now. And I intend to keep doing this for a _very long time_ ,” Tom said before pulling me into another mind-numbing kiss.

-

By the time Tom and I made it back to the room, we were clawing at one another. We’d barley shut the door before our lips were on each other’s again. He led me back to the bed, and I fell onto it with Tom towering over me. He grinned down at me and a devilish look overcame him. I started breathing heavier with anticipation. Tom trapped me between his arms, his face hovering over mine. I lifted my head to attach our lips, but he used one hand to gently push it down. For a few moments, Tom traced my skin with the tip of his nose, nuzzling me occasionally and making me giggle a bit whenever his beard would rub me. Finally he connected our lips, and I couldn’t help but smile into the kiss. This kind of intimacy was so agonizingly wonderful. My hands were all over him; tracing his face, in his hair, down his neck, until a buzzing sound came from my purse.

I rolled over, fumbling around in my carelessly discarded purse before pulling out my phone. I finally got it and looked at my screen in confusion.

“Who is it?” Tom asked, between pressing ticklish kisses against my neck.

“It’s Henry… that’s odd,” I said. Tom kept kissing my neck, but I felt him falter a bit. I debated whether or not to answer it for a minute, before putting my phone down. But before I could actually get it down, I felt Tom’s hand slide down my arm and grab the phone from my hand. He accepted the call on the last ring and pressed it to his hear.

“Hello?” Tom said into the phone, nonchalantly. He sat back on his knees, keeping me pinned beneath him. I swatted his chest and mouthed ‘ _what are you doing_?’ at him. Tom smirked down at me and I could hear Henry’s deep voice on the other end.

“This is her… boyfriend,” Tom said. Part of me was angry for answering it, but another part became curious as to why he had hesitated before saying ‘boyfriend’. I looked up at him and tried to get out of his grasp and tear the phone away from him, but he was able to hold my arms down with his free hand.

“Ah, well, unfortunately [Y/N] will be otherwise occupied tonight. She won’t be joining you,” He said smugly. Henry had called me wanting to go out? This was odd.

“That’s kind of you to offer, but I believe I’ll be more than capable of keeping [Y/N] entertained by _myself_. Have a good evening,” Tom hung up the phone. My cheeks burned; half from anger at his actions, half in embarrassment.

“What the hell, Tom!” I screamed at him, once he let me go. I pushed him off of me and walked to the other side of the room, after grabbing my phone from his hands.

“He knows you have a boyfriend, why would he be asking you out to dinner on Valentines Day?” Tom asked, a hint of anger playing in his voice. I narrowed my eyes at him.

“Because he’s nice. He didn’t know you were in town and figured I’d be alone. Also, we’re coworkers! It isn’t exactly unheard of for coworkers to go to dinner together. We went out together plenty of times before we started dating!” I continued.

“Exactly, and look where we ended up!” He said standing up and walking in front of me.

“What the hell are you talking about?” I asked incredulously.

“We were friends well before we started dating,” Tom said, darkly. I looked at him in disbelief.

“You think I’m cheating on you?” I asked, my voice quiet.

“NO! But I don’t trust him! He shouldn’t be going after you, I thought it would be best to ward him off a bit,” Tom’s voice wavered a bit. I stood frozen. Anger, disbelief, and sadness coursed through my body.

“You honestly think that was the way to ‘ward him off’? Being rude to him? Speaking for me? Accusing him of intentions you have no way of proving? That’s really what you came up with?” I asked through gritted teeth. The realization of what he did finally washed over Tom. His angry expression faded, and his eyes dropped to the floor.

“He gets to be around you. You work with him every day. He gets to see you, to touch you, to feel you. I don’t. I’m thousands of miles away and some other man gets to be there for you. You have to understand how horrible it is for me to know this.” Tom said, staring at the floor.

“You don’t think I’m jealous too? That other women get to be around you and I don’t? Women constantly thrown themselves at you, Tom! I have to grin and bear it and it sucks but I do it! You’ll have to figure out a way to do it too!” I said. I relaxed my arms and rubbed my face. How can such a sweet, hot moment of love turn into… this.

“I’m sorry,” Tom whispered, “I shouldn’t have done that.” I took a deep breath.

“No you shouldn’t have. Why did you?” I asked. Tom sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“I’m terrified of loosing you, of letting other people into our relationship. If anyone ever caught you two out, even just as friends, the media would jump on it and try to tear us apart. I’ve been through that before, and I’m not strong enough to ignore it all again. I can’t loose you, [Y/N]. I love you so much and my jealously got the best of me. I’m so sorry,” His eyes looked up to mine with a pleading look. I walked over to him, but he made no move to touch me. I placed my hands on either side of his face and looked up at him.

“We can’t let anyone tear us apart; not Henry, not the media, anyone. I won’t let them. I love you Tom, so much that it can be painful. Don’t let anyone else affect you like that. I’m with you, only you. Never doubt that,” I pleaded with him. I wasn’t angry anymore, just sad. The separation and unexpected announcement of our relationship had taken a major toll on us, and we hadn’t even realized it. His hand cupped mine, keeping it to his face, as he stared down lovingly at me.

“ _I won’t_.”

-

The wind blew harshly against my face as we walked into the airport. The normal entrance was too crowded with paparazzi, so we were taken through a back entrance with significantly less weather coverage. I grabbed onto Tom’s arm tighter and he squeezed my hand in assurance. Despite my hatred of the cold, I was thankful that it was consuming my thoughts over what our actual purpose was here. Tom was leaving to go back to L.A. to finish filming. Though the trip was unexpected and quick, it stung a bit whenever he had to leave.

            We finally made it inside of a small side alcove connected to the boarding zone of the air plane, and the person who had been walking us in turned to us and told Tom it would be a few minutes before he could board. Tom nodded curtly and the man exited the area. I looked up at Tom while he placed his hands on either side of my face, smoothing out my hair.

“We’re getting better at this; I’m not even crying this time,” I joked. It was supposed to sound humorous, but my sadness drowned the fun out.

“You said it yourself; soon we won’t have to say goodbye for a while,” He reminded me.

“Yeah, but we’re having to say it right now,” I started, “Living in the present is a lot harder to do than looking to the future.”

“But that future will be much better. And it’s not that distant, only a few more weeks,” Tom said. I grimaced when he said weeks. His attempt to cheer me up was failing, and I felt bad for making it so hard.

“Thank you for coming out to see me. I’m really happy you came,” I said. He smirked mischievously.

“I believe we both came, quite a few times actually,” Tom teased. I playfully slapped his chest, embarrassed by his comment. He laughed at my reaction and tugged me in for a tight hug. I reciprocated the hug, holding onto him for dear life.

“I love you so much, never doubt that. I’m yours; _entirely_ ,” I whispered. Tom pulled back just a little, so that he could capture my lips in a deep kiss. I kissed back just as fervently. When he finally pulled away, we were both breathless.

“As am I. I love you,” Tom rested his forehead against mine. I looked into his eyes once more, and pressed a very quick last kiss. The man who led us here cleared his throat, alerting us to his presence. My cheeks burned with embarrassment, but Tom didn’t seem to mind.

“Call me when you get to L.A.,” I said, voice breaking a bit. Tom nodded, stepping back towards the plane, but still holding onto my hand. He pressed a kiss to the back of my hand while maintaining eye contact, before dropping it and turning to board. I watched him for a few moments, waved back at him when he quickly spun around to wave at me, and wiped my eyes for the few stray tears that had fallen.

_Only a couple more weeks_ , I told myself, _then Tom and I can truly start our lives together_.


	12. Chapter Twelve: Otherwise Occupied

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello good friends! So... it's been a while. I truly apologize for how long this has taken me to publish, but life's been a little hectic at the moment. I am glad to finally be able to publish this, because it was something I had been thinking about since I started writing this story. 
> 
> Thank you so much to every person who's read, like, and especially those who have commented on this story so far! Your support and thoughts are really what drive myself, and many other fanfic writers to keep going. Please enjoy the story and let me know what you think!

I tapped my foot anxiously on the floor of the plane while my hand fiddled with my necklace. We’d landed not 30 seconds ago and I was already itching to get off. I’d always detested when people stood up right when the plane landed, but I really couldn't help myself at this moment. I bit my lip, trying to reduce my shaking anticipation, but I clearly wasn’t doing that good of a job of hiding it. Henry chuckled to the left of me.

“Someone’s eager to get off,” he said. I could practically hear the smirk he undoubtedly gave.

“I’m eager to get _home._ I feel like we’ve been on this plane for years,” I said, eyeing the air-hostess carefully, trying to get any indication that we’d be allow out soon. She gave me nothing.

“It’s barley been two hours! You’ve been away from him for a few weeks, I’m sure a few more minutes won’t kill you,” Henry said to me. I rolled my eyes at him. Yes, a large - very large - part of the reason I was ready to get home was Tom. But this was my home too! I missed my bed and my things and all the joys that came with not being surrounded by overly-muscular-and-very-attentive-co-stars. Henry had been **unbearable** since Tom came to visit. His little phone call had prompted teasing for nearly 4 weeks. I’d try to ignore him as best I could, feeling more than a little embarrassed by the whole incident, but Henry wasn’t the kind to let me off the hook.

“Tom isn’t the only reason I’m looking forward to getting home, ya know. I rather like the idea of actually being in my home,” I said, looking over at Henry. He shrugged.

“You seemed to be rather content with staying where you were when he came to visit you,” Henry taunted. I sighed an ran my hands through my hair.

“Weeks later and we’re still talking about this? I think you need to move on, Hen,” I said.

“I’ll move on when you move on,” He said cheekily. I just rolled my eyes and checked my phone for the 15th hundredth time to see if I had service. When I saw the three little bars pop up, I immediately opened my phone to call Tom. It only took one ring for him to answer.

“Are you back?” Tom asked immediately.

“Sort of; the plane just landed! Are you home yet?” I asked. The night before we’d agreed that Tom would wait for me at my house after he was done for the day.

“Almost, I have one thing to pick up first. But I’ll be there when you get back,” He said.

“Okay. Don’t take too long. I’m pretty sure if I go a second longer than I absolutely give to without seeing you, I’ll loose my mind,” I said, trying to lower my voice so Henry couldn’t hear me. Much to my dismay, I saw him roll his eyes. Tom chuckled on the other end of the line.

“Well, I wouldn’t want to jeopardize your sanity. Though I must admit, watching you go wild would be fun,” I could hear the smile in Tom’s voice. I smiled so widely that I’m sure I looked silly, preposterous, and hopelessly lovesick. To be fair, I was.

“I’ll see you when I get home. Be safe. I love you,” I said.

“Love you too,” Tom said before hanging up. Henry made a hearing sound when I ended the call.

“Safe to assume you two aren’t past the ‘honeymoon’ phase yet?” He asked, making air quotes.

“I’d like to think of our entire relationship as the honeymoon phase,” I said, pulling my bag from under my seat. I’d shipped most of my stuff back so that all I had was a carryon and I didn’t have to wait for my luggage as Henry did.

“We’ll see about that. I’ll ask you the same question when we do press. I’m willing to be a large sum of money that it will change,” Henry said, giving me a cheeky grin. The air hostess finally opened the doors and told us we could disembark.

“Bet all you want,” I said, grabbing my bag and standing up quickly. “No matter what phase I’m in, I’ll be in it with Tom.” I stuck my hand out, and Henry took it tentatively. “I’ve had fun working with you, but I can’t say that I’ll miss shooting too much,” I said. Henry shook my head and gave me a little wink.

“See you in a few months. I’m sure you’ll have plenty of updates by then,” He said. I ignored his comment, unwilling to be sucked in once more when I could be closer to seeing Tom.

I made my way quickly off the plane, and nearly ran through the airport. The security guards were walking in front of me, leading the way, but we didn’t encounter any paparazzi on the way to the pick up point. As soon as we made it down the escalator, one of the guards turned back to me.

“Your driver will be just around that corner. Do you require any further assistance?” He asked. I shook my head and thanked the guards, before quickly making my way past the corner. There were a few people in the area, mostly drivers with signs waiting for their passengers, and a few couples embracing. It tugged my heart a little bit, making me wish Tom was here. Not that I really needed an excuse to feel that way; I did almost all the time. I looked around for my name, but was unable to find it. _Strange_. I pulled out my phone to call the driving service to see if they were running late, but a quick whistle to my left made me snap my head up. Across the way, a very tall man, dressed in jeans and a black coat, with a baseball cap and sunglasses, was leaning on a pillar with grin plastered on his handsome face.

_Tom_.

I nearly ran over to him, jumping into his waiting arms and immediately pressing my lips to his. Tom griped me tighter, and returning my kiss with a similar fervor.

“You lied,” I said, resting my forehead on his. Tom made no moves to put me down.

“I said I had one more thing to pick up; that just so happened to be you,” Tom teased, pressing a short sweet kiss to my cheek. I chucked a bit. “Let’s get you home. Would you like me to carry you to the car?” He asked humorously, but there was a very solid chance he would do it if I asked.

“While that would be very ‘prince charming’ of you, I need to get a little bit of exercise. I’ve been crammed on that plane for hours,” I said. Tom let me down, but instantly took hold of my hand with one of his, and grabbed my bag with the other.

“Oh, you don’t have to worry about getting exercise now. You’ll get plenty tonight,” Tom said, loud enough for a couple people to give us curious, side-eyed glances. I playfully smacked his chest, but couldn’t hold back the laughter that bubbled up. And it may or my not have sent a small shiver down my spine in anticipation.

-

We were a whole two steps into my house when Top pushed me up against the wall and began feverishly kissing me. I matched his intensity, gripping him to me as tightly as possible. Tom brought one hand between us to pop the buttons of my shirt open, and ended up just ripping my shirt apart, sending buttons scattering across the floor. I wanted to be mad, but I really didn’t care at the moment. I was so used to seeing the ever careful, ever gentlemanly Tom and seeing him this demanding was making me very hot inside.

“Do you have any idea how much I’ve missed you? How desperate I’ve been while waiting for you? You’ve changed me, Y/N, consumed me…” Tom said breathlessly. I couldn’t respond; my body was on autopilot, trying to get us both naked. I pushed my hands under his shirt, feeling the hard muscles and warm skin. My mouth was too busy kissing every part of Tom’s face to actually form any words, so I moaned against him. Tom hiked his knee between my legs, giving me some much needed friction against my dripping pussy. Our frantic attempts to rid ourselves of clothes was only slowing us down; our hands bumped and chest clashed. The only way we were going to achieve our goal was if one yielded to the other.

Sensing this Tom decided to really take control. His arms wrapped around my hips, hoisting me up briefly before walking to the couch and dropping me.

“Strip,” He ordered. This dark side of Tom was new and strange and made me tingle in the best way possible. I hurriedly followed his command, as he did the same. I’d barley pulled the last of my clothes off before Tom pounced on me once again. He laid me flat across the couch, his body flush against mine. I moaned into his mouth and pushed my hips to his, trapping his leaking cock between us. One of Tom’s hands tangled in my hair, holding my head back as he worked his lips down the column of my throat. His other hand trailed down my body, squeezingmy breast and flicking my nipple with his thumb, before guiding his hand between us.

“Unf… Tom, please!” I pleaded, pushing my hips up even harder. Without any further foreplay, Tom took ahold of himself, lined up with my core and pushed himself as deeply as my body would allow. I let out a scream that was really more of a moan at the sensation; it had been so long without the familiar burn of his thick length. It made the pain that much sweeter. I grabbed onto his hips, digging in my nails to urge him to move. I felt his teeth on my neck, scraping just before his tongue came to soothe over it.

The noises we were making, me panting and moaning and Tom grunting into my skin, was still not enough to down out the slick slapping sounds coming from our bodies. Tom began pounding into me at an unrelenting pace, brining the back of my legs to rest on his shoulder and nearly folding me in half.

“Are you close?” He asked, his voice breathless and strained. I’d all but lost the use of my vocal cords, and mumbled something unintelligible while nodding. Tom somehow picked up the pace, snapping his hips to mine with unbridled fervor. I felt the beginning of my orgasm grip me and barley managed to grunt out his name before I came. Tom slammed his mouth to mine, swallowing up my cries of ecstasy, while his hips stilled. I felt a new wave of heat flood me as he came, making me arch into him.

As we both came down from our high, we settled back into the couch and stared into each others eyes. No words were exchanged, only the sound our our breathing evening out. This primal rutting -there was really no other word for it- was hot and intense and the perfect thing to welcome me home. For the first time in a long time, I was perfectly content. There were no pesky team members trying to usher us out of the house, not work obligations that would require us to say goodby, no paparazzi that we needed to run from. It was just us. Fucked-out, breathless, sated us. A warm and foolish happiness overtook my body and I giggled before I could stop myself. Tom looked down at me with pure love and wonderment.

“Why are you laughing?” He asked, his voice barely above a whisper. I pressed my lips to his in a soft sweet kiss, much different than the ones we were exchanging only moments before.

“I’m just really happy to be home.”

-

“Did you check this one out yet?” I asked Tom, holding up a picture of the house. He glanced at me then back to the road, nodding his head.

“Yeah, it’s nice, but the kitchen needs a lot of work. Also there’s not a ton of outdoor space,” He said. I frowned and looked back at the picture.

“I like the front of it though. The big windows are nice,” I said.

“We can put it back on the list if you want. We’re only scheduled to tour five places; I’m sure Beverly won’t mind one more,” Tom explained. I shook my head and placed the picture back in the folder.

“Nah, I trust your judgment. Plus, move-in ready would be nice,” I said, leaning back into the seat. Tom smiled a little reached his hand out to grab mine, brining it up to his lips and placing a sweet kiss on it. I was starting to believe no matter how deprived we were in the bedroom, these small intimacies would always make me blush; I didn’t mind. Tom pulled into the garage of the relators building and released my hand. I grabbed my bag to get out of the car but Tom stopped me.

“There is… something I should tell you before we go in there,” He said, turning off the car.

“Okay…” I said cautiously.

“Beverly is a great relator, she helped find Ben and Sophie’s new house, but she’s old fashioned,” Tom said.

“In what way?” I asked.

“She’s quite a bit older than us and has thoughts that may seem a little antiquated…” I furrowed my eyebrows and crossed my arms.

“Tom?” I urged.

“I may or may not have told her our relationship status is different than it actually is.”

“You told her we’re engaged?”

“No actually… I told her we’re already married.”

“Oh,” I said, dropping my arms. “Well, we are looking for a house together… I guess that’s to be expected.” Tom looked relieved.

“It’s just that I didn’t want her to continually pester us about it.” Tom explained.

“That makes sense.”

“It’s not that I was trying to force this on you, just so we’re being clear.”

“I know that, Tom.”

“She’s a good relator. Very discrete and thorough.”

“I understand.”

“It’s just that you look… annoyed.” Tom said quietly, scratching the back of his neck.

“I’m not annoyed about you telling someone we’re married, but I do wish you hadn’t sprung me on the last minute. What if she asks us about our wedding? We don’t have a story prepared.”

“She won’t ask us about our wedding.” Tom scoffed.

“Babe, haven’t you seen any romantic comedy ever? She’ll ask, and we’ll fumble around for an answer, then she’s going to realize it was all a hoax, and get me deported… or something…”

Tom looked at me incredulously.

“If she asks for a story, I’ll be more than happy to give her one. Also, when we get home, I’m blocking rom-com’s on your netflix account.” I rolled my eyes at him. “You still seem annoyed.” He said.

“You really should have brought this up this morning.”

“My mouth was otherwise occupied this morning,” Tom said, a sly smile creeping on his face. It brought back visions of waking up with his head between my legs and tongue deep in my cunt.

“Tom!” I shouted, and lightly slapped his chest. Tom threw his head back laughing, before grabbing my arms and pulling me as close as the car would allow. He looked down at me, still smug, and I couldn’t help but smile up at him.

“If you like, I could remind you just how occupied my mouth was…”

“As delightful as that would be, I’m afraid the car is too small, and we don’t have enough time. Plus, I’d rather not walk into our relators office with my cum dripping down your face.”

“Thats a shame, because that my favorite way to enter any room.”

“Tom!” I gasped again, but he swallowed it down by kissing me.

“I’ll make it up to you when we get back home,” he smirked.

“You better.”

 

The air in the relators office was heavy and old. It felt more like I was walking into a nursing home rather than a high-end office. Tom and I were immodestly ushered back towards Beverly’s office. I would never admit it, but it gave me a slight thrill that Tom and I were going to be pretending to be husband and wife. Even if it was never brought up, just the fact that we knew the game we were playing was enough to make me smile foolishly.

We stepped inside of an office that looked as if it were an 80s time capsule. Dusty books lined the shelves, an oak desk that most likely outdated the building itself, wool lined chairs that had seen better days. The only reason I wasn’t convinced we’d actually gone back in time was the sleek computer on the desk, surrounded by pictures of houses and apartment. I looked up at Tom who didn’t seem phased by the arcane surrounding, but was greeting the relator herself.

Beverly was in her mid to late 60’s, wore blue eyeshadow, over-lined her lipstick, spent one-too-many nights in over-night curlers, and was unashamedly checking out my… husband.

“Oh Thomas! Its so good to see you again! You look fit as ever!” Her hands rested on Tom’s biceps and gave them a gentle squeeze. I unintentionally gripped Tom’s hand a bit tighter.

“And you must be the lovely [Y/N]! Good to finally meet you.” She said, snagging my free hand, shaking it quickly, and immodestly dismissing me. She walked around to the other side of the desk and Tom and I sat in the chairs across from her.

“Goodness Tom, its been so long since we last saw each other. When was it again?” She asked, her shrill voice piercing the air.

“Um, I believe it was Ben and Sophies housewarming party,” Tom answered.

“Oh thats right! We all have a lovely time when we get together! However… I don’t believe you were there, [Y/N].” Beverly said, eyeing me up and down. I sat up a little straighter.

“I, um, I don’t really know Ben or Sophie all that well.” I admitted through tight lips.

“What a shame, they’re such lovely people, as Tom and I are well aware,” She grinned, giggling at Tom like it was some kind of inside joke. I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes. Tom just seemed plainly oblivious.

“Alright, well, lets get down to brass tax,” Beverly said, pulling out a notebook. “I’ve picked out a few places for us to look at today, but I just want to get a feel for what you’re wanting. Why don’t we start with you, Tom. What is it exactly that you’re looking for?” She questioned.

“Ideally something larger than what we have now. I’d like to to be able to accommodate our families. A large backyard would be nice too, maybe even a deck? And a big closet is a must,” Tom said, winking over at me. I smiled back at him, remembering the conversation that led to where we are.

“Pretty much all the places I’ve picked out for today match that description,” Beverly said, making my smile drop instantly, “And how about you, [Y/N]?”

“Pretty much the same as Tom; more space, back yard, big closet. Also, move-in ready would be high on the list too. My husband and I are very eager to start our lives together,” I smiled sweetly and slithered my hand across to his, lacing our fingers together. Tom gave me a questioning look, but still smiled at me. Beverly’s expression remained stoic and I figured that was a win for me.

“I’m sure I can find the perfect fit for a young, _virile_ man, such as you, Tom, and a… quaint woman such as you, [Y/N]. Shall we?”

-

Four houses, three cups of coffee, and more than one delicately worded exchange with our relator, I was getting a little discouraged. The only thing keeping me going was Tom’s enthusiasm. It amazed me every time I was around him, just how passionate he could be about anything he set his mind to. No matter what quip Beverly concocted, all I had to do was look at Tom’s sweet face, gushing about the windows or fireplace, and it made everything better.

“Okay, so this is the last place on our list for today, as per Tom’s request,” Beverly said, I looked over at him, and a small smile tugged on his lips, but he didn’t meet my eyes. “It’s a little further out of the city than we’ve been so far, but I don’t think you’ll mind that once you see the backyard. It was built in 1844, and has been updated every so often. Three years ago it underwent an entire refurbishment and hasn’t been lived in since. Seven bedrooms, six and a half baths, a study, and an attic. I have a good feeling about this one!” Beverly exclaimed.   
I looked at the paper with the information, going over the details in my head. Seven bedrooms? I know we wanted more space, but my god, seven? And a study? Six and a half bathrooms? Did Tom expect to host parliament here? And why did he want to see it last? My mind swirled into hundreds of questions… until the gates opened opened up to the driveway.

White brick and black shutters; large drive way with wrought iron gates; trees peaking over the top of the house; and a wrap-around porch already equipped with a porch swing. I turned to look back at Tom, who shared the same large smile I did. Beverly was saying something about pricing and other offers, but it was really only background noise at the moment. As soon as the car stopped, I pushed the door open and took in the full view of the house. I don’t know how long I was standing there before Tom wrapped his hand around my waist and leaned down to my ear.

“Would you like to look inside?” He asked, beard scratching the shell of my ear. Words escaped me at the moment, so I simply nodded. Beverly let us in, and I began going in, still holding Tom’s hand. He pulled back and began shutting the door, explaining to Beverly that he’d like a moment alone with me. I’m sure she protested, but I happily pulled the door shut before grabbing Tom’s hand and leading him through the house.

Dark hardwood floors, exposed brick, massive kitchen; I almost forgot to breathe. This was the kind of house you dream of when your young, and I was standing in the middle of it. I walked over to the massive fireplace that nearly took up a whole wall, and looked out the large windows to the massive backyard.

“I take it you like it?” Tom asks, coyly.

“You knew about this place, didn’t you?” I asked, still gazing around.

“Yeah… I kinda figured this would be what you wanted,” He said, coming around to face me.

“Why didn’t we just go here first?” I questioned, placing my hands on his chest and feeling the warmth beneath his jacket.

“I wanted to show you other options so you’d see how magnificent this house was in comparison,” He said, smiling down at me. I grinned and chuckled.

“Good work, Hiddleston,” I said, before placing a quick peck to his lips and spinning around to get another look at the house. My heels echoed off the hardwood as I walked, but I didn’t hear any movement from Tom. I turned back around to see him snapping a picture of me underneath the archway to the stairs.

“You look good in here,” Tom said, shrugging and placing his phone back in his pocket. I’m not sure, but I swear I saw a slight blush on his cheeks.

“I think you look good anywhere… I bet Beverly would agree with me,” I said, with more venom than I intended. Tom gave a shocked laugh and looked at me quizzically.

“Is that the green-eyed monster I’m detecting, my darling wife?” He asked sarcastically. So he did notice Beverly’s… advancements. “You know you don’t have any reason to be jealous.” Tom said.

“I’m not jealous, per say… but I find it very distasteful that she’s laying it on so thick! Especially since she thinks were married. It’s a little too crude if you ask me,” I huffed, feeling silly now saying it out loud.

“Darling, she’s old enough to be my mother! In fact, I’m pretty sure she had kids my age,” Tom tried to justify. I rolled my eyes at him.

“If that’s true than it make her flirting even worse! She’s called you ‘ _virile_ ’ three times in the past few hours. I swear to God, Tom, she says it again and I’m going to drop to my knees and show her exactly how ‘ _virile_ ’ you can be,” I said pointedly.

A shit-eating grin broke out on Tom’s face. “Is that supposed to dissuade me? Because it’s having the opposite affect, love.” I walked back over to Tom, pressing right against his chest and bringing my hand down to grope his half-hard manhood.

“Maybe this is exactly what I want, husband.” I looked up at him through my lashes, pressing my hand a little firmer. Tom’s eyes were hooded with desire and his lip was between his teeth, no doubt trying to hold in his moans.

I snaked down to the floor, not even minding the lack of comfort against the hardwood. I unzipped his pants and pulled his not fully erect cock out of his underwear, gazing into his eyes the whole time.

“You’d better be quiet,” I taunted, “I’d hate for little miss Beverly walk in here and watch you shove your cock down my throat.” Tom let out a guttural moan and push his hips so that my mouth was right on him. I liked and nipped, got him leaking pre-cum before I even took his whole length into my mouth. I started just with the head, licking the thick veins around it and sucking off his pre-cum. My red lipstick was covering his manhood. I started to take him all the way into my mouth, bobbing my head slowly for a while. I steadied myself with one hand by holding onto his thigh, and used the other to roll his balls between my fingers. For as much as we’d gone at it in the few days I had been back, I was still amazed that he had anything let to give me. The heaviness in my hand suggest that he wasn’t anywhere near running out.

It didn’t take me long to get a faster pace going. I was spurred on by Tom’s strained moans and heavy panting. I didn’t take my eyes off of his and it somehow made what we were doing that much more intense. Tom didn’t warn me that he was about to cum, but it really wouldn’t made any difference. I heard him give one last cry before the first of his cum shot to the back of my throat. I milked him through it, getting every last drop before letting his softening cock out of my mouth with a slick pop. Tom had his head thrown back and was trying to gain his breath as I stood up on wobbly knees and used my tongue to lick off a few drops that had escaped my mouth. By the time Tom caught his breath, I was re applying my lipstick and rubbing off the smudges around my mouth.

“You know, I take back what I said before,” I said, prompting Tom to look confused. “‘ _Virile_ ’ is the perfect term to describe you.” Tom shook with laughter and pulled me into his chest.

“You looked good in the house, but you looked even better on your knees in our house,” Tom said into my ear.

I pulled back and stared up at him, letting his words process in my head.

“Are you sure about this? The house is… everything I dreamed of, and I love it but, I want you to be sure about this,” I said. Tom placed his hands on my face, looking at me with such prue adoration that it made my heart skip a few beats.

“I’m sure, [Y/N]. I’m sure about you, I’m sure about making this our home; I’m sure.”

-

A few minutes later, Tom and I exited the house, arms wrapped around each other. Beverly was waiting out on the porch still and looked at us expectantly. I made a point to lick my lips and wipe the edges of my mouth for any residue as I said “we’ll take it.”


End file.
